flow just needs a quick moment of pride! :)

[flow4]

My DS1 has just had his end of first year BTEC diploma results, and has bagged himself a clutch of passes, one merit and one distinction. :)

Anyone who has read my posts over the last few years will know we've been through a lot, and nine months ago (when he was taking drugs, getting arrested, stealing, being violent towards me and generally being a total arse) I could never have imagined this was possible. And more importantly, I know he couldn't either.

I am so proud of him for getting himself together and working so hard this year. It's really hard to believe it'll last, but I think he might have turned a corner. :) :) :)

Brilliant news, Flow

Oh, thank you AF - it's a whingey sob story of a once happy family and their quest to rid their son of drink, drugs and out of control behaviour.

Eleven years of support, counselling, fresh starts, money, and more talk than any mouth was made for, plus neglected other siblings, a marriage on its knees and all the trust destroyed... And now he is a guest of Her Majesty's. And it's a bit if a relief to be honest.

With the advice of the wonderful Mary and Flow plus good wishes from so many other struggling parents, I have learnt to 'detach detach detach' and save my own sanity.

And now I will stop hijacking Flow's thread

Mary Not much help really. He is too educated already to qualify for lessons in prison - his particular place only help those who have literacy and numeracy struggles, but he has been to university (left before taking his degree)

They have offered him a hostel in the town where he committed his crimes (sensible, eh?) and then it'll be back on the jobseekers allowance. Meanwhile, inside, he has had drinks counselling, anger management help and the doctor keeps him on antidepressants and keeps an eye on his self harming, which had only happened a couple of times so seems better.

Part of me wants to jump in, sort out a job for him, find him a flat, put some money in his pocket and clothes on his back... but that way leads to madness. He has to do it for himself.

Congratulations to you and your son, what a lovely OP made me smile

as mary knows, my own challenging teenager has (so far) spared us the worst of what some of you parents are experiencing/have experienced

I have a low level one, for which I am thankful

Hijack away, Laura! I said I wanted a 'quick moment' of pride, and I've had much more than that... And besides, it's good to hear from you. :) I'm glad you're feeling fairly upbeat about things, and it sounds like your DS might have learned something, too.

I am (and there is no way to say this without sounding a bit weird and wet, but here goes...!) um, kind of humbled by those of you who have been kind enough to say you find me wise and useful. I have posted through all but the very darkest times, and it has often been a sort of therapy for me: it has made me feel not so useless to try to be a bit useful to other people, even when my own parenting seemed to be failing so spectacularly, IYSWIM. I am so glad to hear that I really have been helpful to some people, and it wasn't (just) a deluded displacement activity!

Thanks, everyone. :)

Flow, you are wonderful

I've said it before and it merits saying again

Now I really AM , AF!
Thank you. :)

Mary ain't so bad either

Well done Flow and FlowsBoy - fantastic to have come through such a tough time in one piece. I hope this is the beginning of an ever-upward trajectory. Sometimes things have to get really awful before they can start to get better. He could not have done it without your unswerving support - even if it half killed you.

Wow. Blimey. I'm

Maryz, I think all I did was match your openness and honesty.

In 'real' life, we get so used to filtering and censoring what we tell people about our DCs, because we learn we and they will be judged, or rejected, or despised, or condescended to. 'Real life' becomes quite unreal, IME. Here in this 'virtual' world where no-one knows us (or if they do, they can't decently mention it), we don't need to pretend. We don't need to worry what people think about us. It makes for conversations that are often much more real than real life; much more open and honest. And we all learn more as a result.

We may have teens who are pains in the arses challenging us, but I think we're lucky to have found each other here. :)

(Come on, quick, someone fart or something! It's all getting terribly earnest!)

Parp

I know I said it earlier, but in case you missed it Flow - you and Mary have been a real life line for me through these last few months. You both understand what it is like to be involved in this madness and despite all your own troubles, you both take the time to help fellow travellers. I might not post much (it's hard to express sometimes, just how bad I feel) but your calm voices keep me plodding on.

I am genuinely thrilled for you both that corners have been turned. And to everyone else

I just Googled 'schmaltzy' to see if I could post a suitable pic to go with BIWI's cheesy music... And you would not believe some of the weird images that came up! LOOK!

I mean, lard?! KNITTED EYEBALLS?!?!

Congratulations to you + you son
and also to Maryz + her daughter
I WAS that child a few years ago, maybe not so extreme but the day I got my A levels results my dad cried because he'd never thought id get that far.
I'm now two years into university and glad I stuck it out.

Keep the faith.

My DD's 'team' came 3rd in the Rock Challenge finals. So chuffed.

I agree totally about having 'fellow travellers' on here. Even if I was just lurking on threads, my god it made a difference. Thank you.

Well done to your daughter, Linerunner . Fantastic news!

Laura thanks so much. Hope you are doing ok.

Just wanted to give you a high-five flow4, considering all you've been through, you always manage to find the time to help other parents, with such sound and practical advice.

I posted back in about February about my DD1; things are still tough, but at the beginning of our journey, you (and others, but you especially) really helped me stay calm. From reading this board, I've developed coping strategies, learned that I'm not 'The Only One' and above all else, learned to detach from the bad and make the most of the good, thanks to you.

I don't really post on MN that much but when things are bad with DD, a quick search usually brings up a thread with a similar issue to ours, and more often than not, you'll be on that thread with fantastic advice, which is so helpful

So thank you; I'm over the moon for you and your DS, you've every reason to feel proud

Also, while I'm gushing, a huge shout-out to MaryZ. I'd always luffed her from reading her posts on other boards (especially her ability to sniff trolls out from 20 paces ), but finding her over here, being so helpful and yet honest about her own struggles, well it's fair to say she gained so many Fonzi points I thought my laptop might blow up

Thank you for helping me keep on keeping on xxx