Hiya, I've not posted before but really need some advice.
I have 5 children 2x4, 10, 12, 14 eldest son has aspergers but very high IQ. All live with me and my husband eldest 2 from a previous relationship see their father every other weekend. My husband works away mon-fri but at the minute he's working away for weeks at a time.
Yesterday I discovered eldest son had stolen £10 from my purse. He asked for money the night before but was told no because he hadn't done his chores at all this week (he's expected to do the washing up from tea, wipe the worktop if necessary and take the rubbish to the bin. Also to keep his room in a reasonable state as we are trying to sell the house).
He'd left for his dads at this point so I tried calling his mobile all day no answer, eventually got hold of him but he did the usual denying thing he does. He's some sort of master at lying in these situations its a monthly occurrence money going missing and everytime he will deny deny deny until you almost believe him but eventually he will admit what he's done. I hide my purse usually but had forgot to take it to bed with me.
I gave up on the phone waited till he got home this evening I was fairly calm at this point. Grandparents dropped him off as usual but his Granny told me not to tell him off as she doesnt believe he'd do something like that. She said she was in 2 minds whether to bring him back tonight because she doesnt agree with him being told off.
He came him looking at me all smug I asked him why his bedroom was a mess (not just a mess he's emptied his drawers out on the floor, drawers broken off the runners a bag of flour from somewhere opened and thrown around with the clothes it looks like a bomb has gone off it was only redecorated a month ago). I told him to leave his magic cards (a game he's obsessed with) on the sofa and he could have them back when he'd sorted his mess.
He jumped into my face, he's bigger than me before and usually he'll go for me but his sister was watching so he thought better. He ran to his room and I went after told him I paid for his cards he gives them me now. He was screaming at me that I cant take them. So I said it's my house you're not going in that room give me the cards, at that point I was fuming and then he screamed in my face it's not my house his dad paid for it (his dad never paid a penny towards it, his dads told him the truth about everything. I screamed at him to get downstairs he ran to the front door, I managed to get the keys then he jumped out the sitting room window and ran off.
I called his grandparents when I finally got through to them they said he'd already called them and were bringing him back. She turned up at the door ds standing behind her looking sheepish. She said he's going to his dad. I said no because dad is court ordered no overnight visitation, and he needs to come back face the music, accept he's done wrong and apologize. Then she told my daughter she'd pick her up to go for tea in the week and left.
At this point I'm hysterical. I spoke to dh who then called grandparents, explained that this is a regular occurrence now with the stealing, that he will deny everything to everyone etc. Told her we only give him money if he earns it, baring in mind sometimes its £30 a week he wants, we don't find it too unreasonable to expect him to help out a bit to earn it. Granny disagreed said he shouldn't be expected to do anything and I've brought it on myself.
The point now is I really don't know what to do. Any advice would be gratefully accepted.
Thank you x