17yr old Daughter won't wash!

[mrsm68]

I have battled with my daughter all her life about washing. When she was little bath time was a nightmare with lots of screaming and tears.

She is now 17 yrs old, working and growing into a lovely young lady. She has lots of good qualities and I am proud of her, her bedroom is a tip but I understand that is just a teenage thing and I just close the door on it.

I can't, however, ignore the poor personal hygiene. If I didn't nag her then I'm sure she wouldn't shower at all. Sometimes she will go a whole week if I let my guard down and that includes the weeks that she has her period :-(

Her hair is long and is visibly greasy and she smells of BO and just dirty ness. If she leaves her bedroom door open you can smell it as you come up the stairs. Her work uniform is worn 6 days a week and she only parts with it occasionally for me to wash, yes the same top and trousers for 6+ days.

I have two other children, one older and one younger than DD and all of us including my husband shower every day.

I have compromised and said that every other day is ok but she will not have it. When I talk to her gently, kindly, tactfully or whatever, she says that I'm just being horrible and its horrible to say that someone is dirty etc!

Help, am I being unreasonable, I hate to think that others may be talking behind her back because they can smell her.

I would say depression is at the root of this, or a failure to advance beyond childhood, emotionally speaking. Appropriate self care is the mark of a grown up. It seems to me she is in some sort of denial about being on the cusp of adulthood and will not embrace the responsibility that brings, or the potential for sexual relationships that also goes hand in hand with growing up.

Make an appointment for her to be assessed for depression or emotional issues.

This is not normal and her response to your requests isn't reasonable. She is resisting something that washing signifies.

I would make it easy for her if she is lazy - one evening run a bath for her and persuade her to get in. It doesn't need to take long. Make sure the bathroom is warm so it's a pleasant experience.
I thought DD14 was odd only having one bath a week....

Sheshelob - love the commens! Really made me laugh.

However - Although not an obsessive (though I do shower/wash all over every morning) -I do notice in supermarkets at the weekend that the great unwashed come out to play. They are rank -their hair, clothes and parts we won't mention. Ok some are obviously 'not the full shilling' but others seem quite well dressed and compos mentis but still rank!

Highly amusing thread. I'm simply amazed that people are saying they don't have time to shower every day.
I have always promised my DC's I will tell them if they smell so they never have any BO anxiety which was common when I was a teen. Teens will NOT tell their peers if they smell. They will talk about them behind their backs and choose other friends. It is really hard to tell someone they smell - I have had colleagues with BO and nobody likes to broach the subject, it's awkward. Oh and I'll never forget my physics teacher - she stank.

It's a parent's duty to teach self care out of kindness to your DC's. Like teaching other life skills- nutrition, chores etc. Who else will?

I train for triathlon and it can be tedious in that you are showering often at least twice a day, after running/cycling and later after swimming. The people on here who are not washing are presumably not exercising at all as well as not washing every day ?

Here's hoping I never have to share a swimming pool with a bath refuser - yuck. In fact this thread had made me think about public pools which I have never been keen on ......

Clay you don't need To worry about public pools, that what the tons of cholorine is for.

OP any progress?

Old thread but there's something wrong with a 17 year old that won't wash to that extent. Depression, not wanting to grow up etc. It just isn't normal to not want to wash at all!

You can understand maybe a 13 year old going through puberty, lots of changes etc to be a bit slack with things, but 17. Nearly an adult, especially if she's out working!

Hope it got resolved OP and you told her she must wash and looked for the reasons behind her refusal. I can't believe people tried to excuse it on this thread. Ok, maybe not everyone is an 'every day without fail' type like myself, but not washing at all unless forced is the mark of something not being quite right.

I have the same problem with my 14 year old daughter - and I try to talk to her Eg I have just explained to her that self-care is important and people will like her better if she show she likes herself by washing and not smelling and also not picking her spots incessantly. She replied that she isn't important given the scale of the universe and that she doesn't care about herself. I do think she might grow out of it and I'd probably think it more normal if she was a boy - so maybe I should lay off her. At the same time she is a bit depressed and possibly a bit on the spectrum (Aspergers Dad) AND she has already had different friends hitting crises - annorexia and self harm stuff .... So I'm just not keen on bullying her to wash. Girls have a shit time mid teens, and if there's going to be a fight I think it had better be about going to see someone about her and our issues (she hates the idea) - not about her personal hygiene. But I do wishe she would just wash and smell nice .... Sigh

I'd be doing the old ' you will wash or I will turn off the wifi.'

Blunt and to the point but even if she is depressed she still needs to wash.

My ds (14) will shower twice a day, smells fresh as a daisy and loves clean clothes but somehow omits to wash his face he says he hates it , I'm not even sure how you have a shower without washing your face in the meantime I'm picking my battles as he is mostly clean but I insist on attacking him with a flannel most evenings

He's fourteen ffs and I'm chasing him around with a bloody flannelhe visibly changes colour once I've given him a quick cat's lick!

She'd be moving out. No stinky bodies in this house.

Hi, did you ever figure out how to get ur daughter to shower?
My family is having the same problem with my 16 yr old sister. We've tried everything under the sun from scarring her about infections to motivating her with shopping trips, hair cuts, nail appiontments, re doing her bathroom and getting her expensive shampoos and body wahses. It is mind boggling to me... Terrible hygine won't even brush her hair.... She would sleep in the same clothes she wore for days and not shower if my mom doesn't battle with her over it every few days.

I'm not sure why so many people are talking about showering every second day when OP says her daughter can go a full week without showering if she's not nagged to.

There's a vast difference between the two. A day without a shower is fine. 7 days without a shower, getting around in unwashed clothes...I feel sorry for anyone who has to be around her.

hi I just read this blog. and I would like some advise too. my daughter just doesn't care about her hygiene. I tell her she smells terrible and have to remind her to have a shower daily. Sometimes she listens most times she says she forgets... I need help . please.