16 year old son wants to become a father

[Ravy]

Tonight my son has said he wants to be a father and has admitted having unprotected sex.

He also said he hates the world and does not want to live within society.

He has appointment with CAMHS next Friday but a lot can happen in a week.

Advice please.

how did you find this out?
i take it there are issues already if he is seeing CAMHS?
does he have a girlfriend?

He spoke to me this evening.

He had a his first girlfriend October last year who was 17, then he moved onto another 17 year old which lasted a couple of months. This week he has started to date a 14 year old and her best friend is pregnant.

He has been up and down for years and finally he has agreed and the doctors that CAMHS may help.

Oh dear!

To start with, I would be much more worried about him saying he hates the world & does want to live within society. He sounds very depressed (which is more common than we are led to believe in teenagers). Does he have any previous history of depression at all?

I admit I wouldn't be happy to hear that my 16 year old DS was having unprotected sex in an attempt to become a father - my 16 year old is the opposite - adamant he will never have kids ever, ever, ever.

My hope would be that once the depression is being treated the desire to be a father so young will go away too. Very depressed people often crave someone to love them unconditionally (even if someone already does), and in young people that someone can be a baby.

does NOT want to live within society obviously.

not sure how lads think in this situation but 2 thoughts strike me - 1) is he really aware of what it means? have you sat down with him and spelt it all out - nappies. sleepless nights, no money, struggling for everything, arguments, life long commitment....the list goes on.

and 2) i once was on a forum where a "troll" who turned out to be a 14 yr old girl was - she was very much in the same frame of mind - longing for a baby. she made up a stupid story on the forum but she confessed in the end - we spoke alot and i added her on facebook - we still speak now - we had lots of late night talks about the reality of mother hood....i was a mum at 19. i was lucky. i was already with DH and we are still together 25 years later....sometimes talking to someone else other than parents can hit home. im glad he has cahms appt but you need to tell them what he is saying to you....

what is it that he thinks father hood would bring him that he is missing?
thats what you need to find out.

my little pal had had a very traumatic past - something we had in common. But she listened to me - whether by luck or something else she is now studying to become a nurse. she was very confused, hurt and conflicted when we "met" online....some of it is just growing up. Caamhs is a good idea for your lad - hope he opens up a bit to them.