Teenage drinking!

[Auntymandy]

I am finding it hard to be a mum of a 15 year old!!
Is it ok for him to come home a little tiddly?!!!
Am I wrong to buy him drink to take to a party?

Auntymandy, I had to reply to your post. I sympathise. I am finding it hard being a mum of a 16 year old :(

Dd came home last night stinking of drink and obviously drunk. I am furious. Having a drink is one thing but getting drunk in the street is another. I feel yet another talk coming on [depressed emoticons]

FWIW, I think you have to do what you feel is right. I have been accused by family of being too controlling of dd and by a friend of not giving dd enough boundaries You cannot win.

Dd and I seem to take one step forward at the moment and then two back. She wants to be treated like an adult, but seems incapable of acting like one (because of course she isn't an adult yet). I fear for my dd right now more than I have ever done and I also fear for our relationship :( :(

Sorry, I am not being very helpful. I just wanted you to know other people find this stage hard.

Can you expand on your concerns?

It's really difficult isn't it?

I have an almost 18 year old ds and a 14 year old ds2. At 15 I was drinking way too much and had some near-misses so I'm really wary about my boys and booze.

Thankfully the eldest has been sensible in that respect - in others he's been a nightmare and we didn't get off lightly. He went to parties yet I've never seen him the worse for drink. The 14 year-old however is much less mature and I know if he was somewhere there was booze he'd have way too much.

I know that doesn't answer your question auntymandy - I suppose I'm trying to say that like toddlers they are all different and you have to set the boundaries accordingly. If there were parents at the party I wouldn't mind him having a little to drink but I'm not happy about buying it for them at that age. And even when there are adults about it doesn't always work out. We had some friends round at New Year and one of the 14 year olds managed to get seriously plastered on vodka shots that another teenager had sneaked in.

Hi Auntymandy. My 14 year old came home last night very upset as her friend had been taken into hospital after drinking a whole bottle of 20/20. The three friends had been in the next town and asked a man to go into a shop to buy drink, which he did. My daughter and one friend (a boy) had drunk two cans of cider each but this other girl drank the whole bottle and was comatose on the street when the police arrived and an ambulance took her off to hospital. I consider the man who bought the drink to be totally irresponsible - even though I also totally accept that the kids were not forced to drink the stuff. I think this has really frightened my daughter and hopefully this will serve as a lesson to the three of them on the risk of excess. I do sympathise with your situation. It is really difficult isn't it.

Hi Auntymandy... It is really difficult but I do think you have to let them make their own mistakes!! They ARE going to drink too much, they ARE going to be sick through too much drink and if you don't let them find that out for themselves, I think you might store up trouble for the future.

My DD (17) has been sick through drink twice and the second time she suffered with a horrible hangover and I think she has learnt from that. (I hope)

FWIW I think teenagers of this age do concentrate on alcohol too much but it tends to be booze instead of drugs in our area, and I woudl much rather that.

I know I'm going to be a little upset when my DS's come home tiddly under age, but what can you do? I did it many times myself.

I was lucky enough to have parents that gave me enough rope to make my own mistakes but not enough to hang myself and they were always there to help me pick up the pieces if I needed them.

i told my 11.8year old ds the other week when we were chatting about drink/drugs that when hes a teenager he can get pissed in the house rather than on a street corner. in reality, he'd probly choose to get pissed on a street corner im dreading it

my mum used to always let me have a glass of wine from when i was about 13 in hope that it would stop us getting hammered when we started going out with friends. However, have vivid memories of my sister lying flat out in the toilets of an under 16's night club. Also ended up getting taken to hospital when i was 17 as i was so hammered i fell over and hit my face, i have no memories of that night, whcih is scarey.

I think they will all do it, just make sure that she knows that she can phone you at whatever time if she needs you.

My parents were really strict, once i was 16-17ish i was allowed to do/go pretty much where i liked (locally) as long as my mum knew where i was, who i was with and drummed it into me that i could call no matter what. She would always be up when i got home.

so is it worse having ateenager than a toddler then. i wouldnt be able to sleep till my ds had come in once he starts drinking/partying

aUNTYmANDY. i HAVE A 15 YR OLD DD AND I HAVE BOUGHT HER BOOZE. Was sorried the last time cos it was a large bottle of WKD and a large bottle of Carribean Twist. Feel it is kind of wrong but it was her own money and know they will get drunk anyway even if they dont take booze. My older son of 18 regularly now gets a bit pi..sd but what can you do . I worry bout them going overboard andno adults there to help. Tonight he is stayning with a friend and his dad is out all night. You just have to hope and pray they are ok and reasonably sensible.

Oh, the whole alcohol thing is a nightmare - do you ban it completely when they are way under age on the grounds that they're not old enough, or let them have some so that they are at least a bit used to it when they start in secret? We have let ours have a bit of very diluted wine or weak lager at family celebrations as they get older.

DD1 is 24 now - if she ever got rat-arsed at a young age she was sleeping elsewhere for the night and we didn't know about it. We had a few friends of hers sleeping here (ie elsewhere for their parents!) who threw up on the floor - hope she never did the same.

DD2 is 21 - at the family meal for the 18th of a friend of DD1's, when she was 15, she drank a lot of white wine because someone kept topping up her glass and had to come home v early and had a nasty couple of days which at least put her off it for a good long time. She has sensible spells and stupid spells now.

The girls both have friends who drive (neither of them does yet) and all their friends appear to be very good about not drinking if driving - the challenge is getting them to that point.

DS1 is nearly 18. He had a barbecue at home for his friends at his 17th last year and deliberately set out to drink a silly number of bottles of Stella - like DD2 the results put him off booze for a long while and he is still relatively sensible.

DS2 is 13. If we have a meal out he has one bottle of blue WKD (with our consent, obv) and is fine with that for now...

Thing is I do drink quite a lot of wine so I can't say "no, you mustn't" with any authority!

They all get tiddly at partys but it is more concerning when they are seriously hammered. My dd best friend got badly drunk at my ds 18th birthday party her so we kept her for the night otherwise her mum would have grounded her forever !

Havent got to that stage yet as dd is nearly 12, dreading it though, I must admit I have been telling her the nasty effects of binge drinking, smoking and drugs and how it affects people. Just hoping she is taking it in.

They do learn a fair bit at school bout drugs and sex etc. My 2 teenagers would not dare take any tablets. but they have got drunk and the older one smokes every day 3-5 cigarettes. Wish he didnt cos i am a keep fit fanatic and dont smoke. They all seem to drink and get pissed its all part of the teenage culture sadly.

thanks for all your replies!
He never gets totally off his face, and I usually pick him up from the parties!
He was suppoosed to go out last night but decided not to. I did say I would prefer him not to as I couldnt pick him up and he had been to a party last weekend!
He never suffers from a hang over, so he either isnt drinking enough for that or is immune!!!!

Just found this thread and thought I'd add my bit as it bothers me a lot.

When ds was 12 I knew I was in for a rough ride and I was right. One week-day tea time, he fell in through the back door covered in mud.
Have you been beaten up?
No I've been drinking.
Cider.

The dens they built in the woods had made a seamless transition into drinking dens. No way can I can control that so I decided to pour scorn rather than anger and let him learn by his own experiences. He is 16 now and is far from abstemious but is rarely drunk. And if he feels he has had too much he knows he can come home - he admitted he wouldn't come home if I was going to get heavy.

Friday and Saturday night they have a few beers, which I often buy for them - that way I minimise the chance of spirits. I also let them start the evening in the house to keep them off the streets, then they go out to meet up with other friends. I do think they drink too much but it could be worse.
If I was the mum of littlies I would be reading this thinking what a cop-out, and mine will never be like that. Or I will bring mine up better so that these difficulties don't arise. But honestly, I don't think I could do anything differently.

Thats right quangle you cant stop them drinking once they are out. If you get too heavy and put your foot down too much they just get absolutely ratted and sick. Just tell them that you care bout them and dont want them to come to any harm. you want to know they are safe and can call you night or day if anything happens. You just pray their friends will if they are too ill.

I agree - I wasn't allowed much drink at home - I went out and got ratarsed in the street - my mother would die if she knew. My best friend's parents owned a pub - how they ever made a profit I'll never know.

Quangle - it makes me laugh - I used to think to myself 'I won't let my kids do that'. Now I think 'Please God, just let them get to 18 in one piece'

When I started seeing DH I was only just 16 and he was 18, and the youngest of his friends. Consquently most of our nights out were to the local pub and I was drinking on a regular basis. My parents were pretty cool (or amazingly dense, my Mum says she knew hmmm) I used to come home pretty tiddly but very rarely more than that as Dh and his friends were too scared to take me home too drunk. I only came home and threw up once at that age and I was ill anyway.

My real drunken excesses were later when I had the money to go out and get really drunk, and I didn't have to go home afterwards.

I hope that I can be as calm with it as my parents were, but we'll see. with the drink buying thing, I'd rather know what they were drinking, know that they're not knocking back bottles of vodka, and know that they're not asking dodgy people to buy it for them.

so none of you think I'm too laid back and a really bad mum!!!
I look at my 20 month baby and think...it wont be long before you turn up on the doorstep a little worse for wear. He is a little wobbly now so whats the difference?!!