My teenage sons don't speak to each other

[Bettyblue444]

Anyone else out there who has experienced this and has any advice?

I think you need to offer a bit more info. How old are they? How long has this been going on? Have they had a particular falling out and this is the resultant behaviour or just something that has slowly happened? Are they very different/similar? etc

My DSS and DSD aren't that close and don't seek out each others company but get on fine...but don't talk to each other very much.
2 of my Dads brothers had a falling out many many years ago and haven't spoken since.
I don't think my Mum has spoken to her own brother for more than 15 years - they didn't argue but she got fed up of always being the one who rang etc, so she stopped...they still send Xmas cards to each other and would probably be fine if they were in the same room, but they live hundreds of miles apart (and don't speak or travel or invite each other to visit) so it probably won't happen!

They are very different in terms of taste in clothes, music, friends etc...Although were very close until say 3 years ago. They are 15 and nearly 17. Older son had a difficult time/relationship with dad from 13 until say 6 months ago. This upset younger son who is still harbouring anger and resentment, I think. They do not even speak at mealtimes! It's awful.

Thanks Beamur. I'm very close to my siblings, nieces, nephews etc... I can't believe this has happened to me/my family. No other fallings out or estrangements in my family so it's hard to deal with

If it's any consolation - things can change over time too. I can think of at least a couple of my friends who admit to not getting on with and not liking their siblings whilst still living at home, various reasons, but a lot of jealousy seems to be behind it, who as adults are good friends.

Beamur, I've tried to hang on to that thought and even the knowledge that my own sister hated me and ignored me during our teenage years. She's my best friend now and I know she feels guilty about it. But it's horrible to live with and I want a family life that I don't really have. Maybe I'm expecting too much :-(

Betty - my dd's didn't talk for 10 years. This was also for reasons regarding their dad it broke my heart. It made family get togethers a nightmare - and it was always on my mind. This all changed 16 months ago. Now dd2 actaully babysits for dd1. So there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks dothraki, how old were they when they stopped speaking?

the eldest was 17, she had been to see her dad one evening with her new boyfriend. She got back to mine and said they had a lovely evening. Then BANG - from nowhere - Dad rang and said some vile and nasty stuff (I mean really nasty). That was the end of her relationship with her f. Her dsis was always seeking her df's love. Craved it. The arguements were endless. For my sanity I ended up stopping trying to be peacemaker - it helped no-one. Then XH cut dd2 out of his life. He did her a massive favour. Now they get on. I never thought I'd see the day. I was soooo happy when we went for my birthday meal - and they were laughing and joking and really getting on. I know it really hurts, I hope it can be resolved.

Thanks dothraki, so glad your daughters are now getting along.

Must be rotten for you in the middle. I assume they aren't happy about it either - how much have you been able to talk to them about it?

Hi yellowbrickrd, younger son says he doesn't care, older son would make an effort but so far it hasn't got him anywhere. Stalemate! I feel like a middle east peace negotiator but I've run out of ideas.

TBH it's probably better than if they argued all the time .

Floralnomad, I disagree, I would rather some healthy sibling arguing than this!

Yes, I would prefer arguing to that kind of stifling silence. What is it that your younger son resents so much - does he feel his brother was unfair to the father? Is their father still living with you?

Everyone to their own thing but my children have never really got on and until recently the only time there was any communication it was either arguing , sniping or generally being nasty . Our response has always been if you can't say something nice to each other then say nothing . All the nastiness was initiated by my eldest who finally at 19 has grown up and is now fairly pleasant to his sibling . Believe me there is nothing healthy about knowing that every family holiday ,day out or meal out would be ruined by there behaviour towards one another or the constant walking on eggshells waiting for something to start them off . I would much rather they had just ignored one another .