My daughter has gone off the rails.

[ian47]

My daughter who is 16 has totally gone off the rails. This is a young girl who only 6 months ago hated the idea of sex and drink but has met this lad of 18 and now all she talks about is sex drinks a lot and to my horror I found out she smokes weed. She was such a homely girl who loved being around her family but I don't even recognise her any more. I'm a seriously concerned dad I've tried the hard nose approach and the caring dad approach but nothing seems to work. She self harms and the only person who's opinion counts is her boyfriend and his mum. Please help.

Encourage him to come round to yours rather than her going to his if you can manage it subtly. Invite his mum round too. Be very nice to this lad - cook lovely things for him. Take a friendly interest in him.
Do NOT criticise him in front of your DD even though you're furious with him and worried about your DD.

I speak from bitter experience; a horrible situation to be in. My DD was in a similar (not as bad) situation from 15- 16 with a boy 2 years older and his mum who spoke a lot of rubbish to her and undermined me.

Try to make your home appealing to your DD without it being obvious that you're in competition with this lad. Let them have a drink or two at yours to lessen the appeal of drinking. Offer him plenty and don't bat an eyelid if he gets drunk and makes a fool of himself.

Work at building up your DD's confidence. Encourage other friends to come round to yours too and encourage her with her interests.

Also, don't forget that if she's been Daddy's Little Girl, then she is now showing you that she is all grown up and mature (in her own eyes). Best to stay calm, ride through it with a fixed smile on your face, and remain supportive.

Good advice from coatonarack.

IME sometimes part of the appeal of any boy/girlfriend is the feeling that you're being grown up by having a relationship entirely independently of your parents (or that's probably how your DD sees it). So don't give her any opportunity to feel that she's rebelling by spending time with her bf annoying loser

Hold your nerve - it will hopefully pass soon.