Can you voluntarily put child into care?

[MyAngels]

What will happen if you try?

The relationship between my SIL and her 14 year old DD has broken down to the level that SIL is happy her DD to go into foster care. My niece does not want to live at home (usual 14 year old stuff) and her mum is not brilliant at discipline (admits to the "anything for a quiet life" school of parenting). SIL is taking her DD to granny's this afternoon and leaving her there with £100 and their social worker's phone number.

Social services appear only to want to help with pointing SIL in the direction of parenting classes at times she can't go to because of work.
I don't have teenagers yet, so don't know what to suggest to help the situation.
Any ideas?
Thanks

Hi all

Thanks for all the helpful responses. I really appreciate them. I can't reply in detail at the moment - I have my DC to look after (age 5 and 3) and they are a handful (one reason why I couldn't manage to look after a difficult 14 year old as well!)

Hi all
I saw SIL yesterday and DN is at granny's although there is no longer talk of SS getting involved, thankfully.
SIL's mental health has never been great and I can see her ability to manage all of this declining (she is also trying to move house - stressful enough). So I will endeavour to give as much emotional support as possible as I can't do much practically (can't go on the parenting course, do her shift at work while she goes etc), but can assure her she is not alone, and also that she needs to try something.
Yes, there has been a lot in the background that I didn't say - SS could help more (I have suggested family therapy before (there are lots of things that this would help with), but don't know how easy it is to get. If its anything like getting any kind of mental health help, I'm not holding my breath.
Thanks all

Blimey there seems to be judgemental people here (not all of course); I personally can understand where MyAngels is coming from, at least to a point

ZOMBIE THREAD

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I can totally relate, I have a 13yr old and ss has told me the exact same thing I've done the parenting class 2 years ago now and still having trouble with my 13yr and not just attitude problems he also doesn't want to live with the rest of the family anymore because of the relationship breakdown I don't think it's the case of dumping your child I too have tried help from other family members where he takes a break for a while yet the moment he's home the trouble starts again it's even worse when other children have to witness the obscene behaviour and unnecessary comments, I guess in some cases ss aren't as supportive as they could be by giving you what I'd call pointless ways to try resolve the issue as you're literally going round in a vicious circle which isn't helping the parent or the child involved and in fact the truth is is some cases it's best all round that the child would be taken into care

What are the underlying issues causing the behaviour. It is most probably a cry for help of some kind. If your SIL feels bad, i guarantee her daughter will be in a bad place too. We've had a challenging 2 years with our DS. Last year was fucking horrific. At times, I didn't want him at home with us. he was abusive, violent , just vile. But we stuck with it. We are in a better place than we were. Still a way to go, but making progress and he is with us.

ah-old thread!

Stunned at the hostility, and the smug, holier than thou attitude towards this mother. The OP maybe a little judgemental, but isn't anywhere near as judgemental as the posters who don't even know the SIL. Walk a mile in her shoes, if she doesn't work then how is she supposed to support her child and herself? UK employers aren't exactly renowned for taking a supportive attitude to mothers, I've been fired for having to take time off because my teenager had gone missing from school. In 38% of cases where the CMS award Child Maintenance fathers fail to pay, and the CMS do nothing to enforce. In an environment which is openly hostile to working mothers - and lots of the posts on here demonstrate that - and which is also openly hostile to "benefit scrounger" mothers, a woman struggling with an out of control teenage daughter deserves help and support, not vilification. The SS ending her to parenting classes, which are in all likelihood useless, when she could be at work, and her daughter could maybe benefit from additional support and some lessons in respecting her mother, who is working to support her, is a damning illustration of a world turned upside down. Hopefully her grandmother will be able to provide some guidance, because she hasn't done too badly raising a daughter who is, at the very least, a worker.

Hi I am a mum of a 15year old girl and teens can be good and they can be bad my daughter has put me threw hell for the last 5years and I have been crying out for help the first 3years was just normal teenage stuff and us arguing over stuff now the last 2years I have had bf after bf with her a pregnancy then self harm to get what she wants suicide threats screaming and shouting in my face smashingmy house up smoking in my house running away in middle of the night for no reason that she can give had her refured to mental health team 3times to be told she's not got mental health problems she has a youth and family support worker and has had for 5years she's now on the 4one had social services involved most of the time and she's on drugs runs away all the time steals and has now turned violence towards me and she does not attend school so I am getting a fine for that and I have done everything they have asked me to do and they still will not take her into care the only way they say she will get put in care is if I turn on her and put loseing my job on the line and getting arresst my self for hitting her and doing harm to her so how can they then blame the parents when they cry out and they won't help in a way that is needed they wonder why parents flip

Absolute rubbish ! i ve been struggling with my daughter for nearly three years, she is now 14 had to give up my teaching job and then another job due to school refusal and the element of being fined. I ve had self harming and a an overdose attempt ! my verdict is that of the internet get rid of it. However school life is chaos and overload for children now , the world has gone pear shaped hence the crisis in mental health for young people that we now face. :(

I totally sympathise with you ... my daughter has not got that stage yet but is making my life hell :) and I will place her in care if she continues will rights given away. As i am jobless, home schooling her and really to be honest she s reduced my life to nothing . I will not let her win. Do what you need to do to get the right help ... but I am totally with you on wanting to pull your hair out and worse still be at the end of your tether. Some of these comments above are ridiculous children should not rule the roost of your home and most importantly your family peace. Much love to you mamma :)

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