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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Would you let your 14 year old do this.

20 replies

BunFagFreddie · 14/01/2013 23:29

I'm in two minds. DS belongs ot a martial arts club and there's a seminar in Berlin this August. The instructor thinks it would be a great experience for him. DS has been doing thisi a couple of years, so I agree. The instructor and other people at the club are really nice and I trust them.

Apparently there is a massive BBQ and loads of beer in the evening. Instructor said he would not let DS drink too much, semi jokingly. Tbh, I think he could well end up having a couple of beers if he goes to Germany. I did at his age. My DM thinks he's too young, but DP and I think it would be a good experience for him and I am sure he would be looked after.

He's flying by himself for the first time this Easter, as he's going to see his gran and grandad. I think this and the trip to Germany will be great for him, but the thought of him potentially having a drink worries me. He doesn't want to go on the school trip, and tbh I don't blame him. He would have more fun at this seminar.

I would like to get advice of other parents with teens. Now my DM has voiced her concerns, I'm questioning my judgement.

OP posts:

Original poster

BunFagFreddie · 14/01/2013 23:30

Btw, sorry for the typing, I'm multi-tasking badly!

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 14/01/2013 23:35

I'd let him. A couple of beers at this age wont hurt him - it's a lot less than many teens are doing in the park most Friday/Saturday nights, which of course doesn't make it right, but it would be a shame for him to miss out on a trip just in case he has a couple of beers.

Original poster

BunFagFreddie · 14/01/2013 23:38

Thanks. I think so too and even if he got a bit tipsy I don't think it would be the end of the world. It's just that he is my pfb, so can't help worrying.

OP posts:

missnevermind · 14/01/2013 23:41

The beers would not have crossed my mind as being a problem.

DS1 (14) is due to fly to Dublin with his Gaelic football team for a tournament this summer. I was looking at it no differently as I would a school trip.

5madthings · 14/01/2013 23:41

I would let him. I very much doubt his coach is going to let him.get drunk, he has a responsibilitu to you and his own professional reputation to uphold.

It sounds like a great opportunity :)

DeepRedBetty · 14/01/2013 23:41

If you trust the instructor to take him to Germany and back then you'll need to trust him to allow ds the amount of beer that is reasonable for a 14 year old too.

Is there a bit missing from your OP? There's something about a school trip that ds doesn't want to go on? Not the same as the Martial Arts thing in Germany?

Startail · 14/01/2013 23:44

Given our school trip to Holland, that only happened once.

I'm absolutely certain DD1 would be very much more sensible.

Basically can your DS and the company he's going with be trusted to be faintly sensible.

Some of our lot could, so the daft ones got back to the hotel ok.

A closing BBQ is much safer as they won't be off wandering round a strange town.

Whoever organised our Y9 trip with no evening entertainment I don't know.
Leaving the girls who were used to going to discos and drinking to sort out a bunch of boys who were not normally allowed to could have gone very wrong.

LilBlondePessimist · 14/01/2013 23:47

Hmm, I definitely think the seminar sounds like a fantastic idea, but would be livid at the thought that he wouldn't be supervised adequately enough to stop him drinking alcohol. I am more than aware that they will chance their arm at some point, but I feel that at 14 they just don't have the self discipline to know how to drink sensibly, and once they're tipsy, may be convinced/co-erced or just think its a good idea to keep drinking till they puke! I think in a foreign, exciting environment, this is more likely to be the case, and I have grave concerns about asphyxiation and the other real dangers of being far too drunk.

I would probably have a word with the instructor to be honest to try to ascertain just what sort of supervision would be in place for them, but I definitely wouldn't let it make me veto it outright.

Sorry if I sound like a bit of a spoil sport.

LilBlondePessimist · 14/01/2013 23:50

Also, meant to add, only you know how sensible you think your ds would be and how effective a mum/dad chat would be for the situation.

BackforGood · 14/01/2013 23:53

I think 14 is very young for any responsible adult to be allowing someone else's child alcohol, tbh. I think you have to be more careful with other people's children than your own.
I'm certainly not concerned about my dcs going abroad with their groups - ds was only just turned 15 when he went for 3 weeks to the World Scout Jambree, but there's no way he would be allowed alcohol on a Scout trip.
Don't get me wrong, he's still under 18 (is 16 now) and we are comfortable with him having the odd can or two at a party or when he goes for a curry, or at home over Christmas, but
a) that's our decision as parents, not any youth leader's decision
b) 16 is a LOT older than 14 in terms of development.

We have a 14 yr old too, and there's no way I'd be happy with her being given alcohol on a trip.

Original poster

BunFagFreddie · 14/01/2013 23:56

To my shame, the reason I'm worrying about the drink is because I know what a little git-bag I was at that age. I shouldn't judge him by my own standards I know, but having been a little bugger in my teens, I am under no illusions!

He is mostly a sensible chap though.

DeepRedBetty, Yes, sorry, I was expecting you to mind read. DS has moaned about the school trips being boring. I think he would get more out of the martial arts seminar. They will have night time activities, ambushing each other in the woods and all sorts. I would go myself, but can't justify the expense. I am a tiny bit. , but in the nicest possible way.

The coach is a really nice bloke and more of a friend now.

Thanks for opinions. I think it would be good for him to go.

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 15/01/2013 00:06

Like you I would worry, but it sounds like an amazing opportunity that is too good to miss.

notcitrus · 15/01/2013 00:06

Supervised barbeque where people will be drinking but not getting stupidly drunk, on fairly weak German beer, sounds OK. I'd check what supervision there will be for him and other kids the rest of the time though.

Vital tip, from my own exchange to Germany age 14, ensure he is aware that Apfelwein isn't simply German for cider, but is a lot stronger! Caused my first hangover, that did. Though the kids at the school I went to were lovely and not into getting drunk or getting together with the other sex - they were quite shocked when they thought I said I had boyfriends (as opposed to boys as friends, which is what I'd meant to say!)

CaseyShraeger · 15/01/2013 00:11

I would let him go, assuming you have confidence in the instructor (I know when DS is that age I'd be happy to let him go with any of his judo instructors).

Original poster

BunFagFreddie · 15/01/2013 00:12

Thanks for the tips notcitrus!

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sashh · 15/01/2013 05:49

Here's an idea - have a talk to your son about it.

flow4 · 15/01/2013 09:46

You've already answered your own question :) - "DP and I think it would be a good experience for him and I am sure he would be looked after".

secretscwirrels · 15/01/2013 12:58

I wouldn't have a problem with my 14 year old having a beer with family but not on a trip.
I'd let him go but make clear to the coach who is responsible for him that he is not allowed alcohol.

Original poster

BunFagFreddie · 15/01/2013 16:27

Thanks all. I've decided to send him. He's flying to France by himself to see his grandparents this easter and then going to Germany without me in August. I'm really pleased, as my mum and dad would never have let me do anything like that when I was a nipper.

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lljkk · 15/01/2013 16:49

I would let my 13yoDS do it, so yes, but this 13yo is my mature DS, if it were middle DS I'm not so sure what I'd be saying. Hope he has fun!

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