I have teenagers/grown up children and I'd say the things you are disappointed about are things you should be concerned about.
Scrap the boyfriend comment though
It's Saturday evening and they are both at home watching tv.
It is first week of term I assue for your 18 year old? No doubt she is knackered and has a fair bit of school work. I don't know many people (even 18 year olds) who would be out this satuday of January. TV on a saturday night is fairly common in most UK households if not out.
Neither has a boyfriend or many friends it seems.
that is just harsh- everyone finds someone they click with at different times and it is no measure of how successful someone is. This attitude will really damage their self esteem. I've spent a lot of time helping DD believe it is ok to be single recently as she has struggled since breaking up with her ex.
The eldest is supposed to be back at uni now but has not gone back yet as she has fallen out with all her flatmates. Actually I am beginning to wonder if she will go back at all.
Sounds like she is unhappy at uni, you need to talk things through and find out the route of these issues. Uni is a very hard period of huge change and transition from teenager reliant on parents to adult, so many struggle with it at times and need a bit of tlc and support from parents.
Anything I say is taken as criticism, not that I am trying to help.
What a caring parent you sound. Maybe taking a more optimistic approach rather than labelling them in ways which makes them probably feel failures would boost their motivations and the way they take your advice.
They both seem to think that they are still young kids not adults and have to be at home with mum doing everything for them. I dread the future if this doesn't change.
It is pretty normal for people this age to go home from uni knackered, stressed and in need of sleep/food/a bit of time out. Cut them a bit of slack, they are still fairly young, there is a huge difference between 18 and 21 year olds. I even noticed gradual differences between 1st 2nd and 3rd year of uni in terms of maturity and their expectations of me. If they ever cross the line then I politely remind them what I expect them to do/pay for and I don't let things slip.
Is it something you should never admit that your children are not what you imagined.
They may not be what you imagined but reality is they are your girls, they are doing extremely well to be at uni and obviously ambitious. They may not be party animals with boyfriends and loving their time at uni, but if they were you would still have concerns- they would have other problems and you would be moaning they go out all the time and spend so much etc. The grass is always greener on the other side.
You seriously need to change your attitudes to your daughters for their self-esteem sake. You need to talk with them, show your pride in what they ARE doing well and find out if they are happy. Explain your expectations in the house and really think how you phrase things to them.