Dear fellow parents of troubled teens 
. If you are suffering (or even if you're not but want to read a truly joyous outcome ) and what CAN happen if you can somehow dig deep in the worst of circs, please read on... This may be long frickin essay(!), but I DESPERATELY want to give hope to others facing anything I have had to, and trust me, the end of this will bring a smile to your very core so fantastic is it 
so DO please read 
.
In the UTMOST of despair and desperation, I posted for the very first time in Oct. 2010 - I was at my wit's end, physically and mentally exhausted, had no idea how to even carry on, and was devoid of hope. An irony BTW is that when I read the post back now, awful though it is, I can see how very circumspect WAY understated the post was, & how I had not included some pretty fundamental issues 
. This was the truth - I had left my ExH in '07 after discovering he had, for 2 years in a previous separation, systematically physically abused 2 eldest DSs when they were just 10/11 & 7/8 years old respectively. Abuse is horrific in that not only are the obvious horrors there, but it also means that when you need help and support the most, you can't access it without breaching your children's privacy. So other than all the professional help I tried to access for them, and my 2 closest friends (I don't have the joy of extended family who could have helped 
), I told no-one. So when you need help the most, you are actually more isolated than is imaginable... and when facing the most horrific of things.
Eldest DS was so badly damaged that he suffered with acute depression, self-harming, and was suicidal. He was in hospital for 7 weeks one year after he 'told'. Simultaneously, I would drive away from the hospital (TGod for BUPA), back home to his 2 younger brothers & have to 'whack a face on' whilst inside was crucified, so huge was the horror of his illness and the terror he would succeed at suicide. Second DS - the one I posted about, just begging for help - had no memories of the whole 2 year period of abuse AT ALL; something I was told was 'very common' for a child his age when it occurred and that it was a survival mechanism that, if punctured, could do him huge harm. THAT was the SOLE reason I decided ExH was not prosecuted for his abuse 
... as my children and securing their well-being was the ONLY thing that mattered to me. It was also the reason I had to immediately choose to stop my (high profile and high earning) career, as their needs were huge (see extract below for just a tiny flavour of how huge, and how damaged they - inevitably - were ), but please DO read on to end for the joy here now, and to please please PLEASE see that if you are in any kind of similar situation, THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU AND YOUR DC ....
My agent estimates my own financial losses to be in the region of £2-£3million pounds, and whilst I mourn my career/financial independence and detest fact am now financially dependent on the very man that did this, I do not regret that decision for a moment as had I NOT done all I had done, and somehow managed to get through all thus far, for my beautiful, beautiful boys, then there is ZERO doubt they would not now be in the places they are now. So - here is an extract of that original post over 2 years ago: 'Don't think (even with mad length!) I have begun to convey the horror or how 'trapped' I feel when he is in my face, or how ANGRY I get when he screams at me about my 'shit life' or how F#CKED OFF & RESENTFUL I'm starting to feel at being the only parent who seems to really care for/about him, yet am also the only parent who gets talked to like a piece of shit - grrrrr.... I love him, I care for him, I can hate how he behaves whilst trying to recognise that behaviour is not him.... but... I can't take much more.'
I was grateful [thank you] for those who replied, if only as alleviated the sense of isolation. I plugged on with mantra of 'absolute love/absolute boundaries'; I got through day by day, hour by hour, and just holding the line constantly even in the face of being the sole lightening rod for DS2's (understandable) rage. And somehow, very slowly, things changed...
He very slowly mellowed; he knew he was loved; he started to treat his younger brother more kindly; he began to realise that just for HIMSELF and HIS future he needed knuckle down (am precis'ing MASSIVELY here, but aware this is already HUGE post!). Bluntly, he turned it around with unswerving support from his school and unswerving boundaries and love at home. Over time, we somehow managed to work it through, but I would be lying if I said it was easy; that there was not nights where I wished I was no longer here ; that there were any 'magic bullets' - but I never let go of hope, or of my love for him even when he was (literally) spitting in my face .... And it's that hope I want to give you if even a fraction of what I've written resonates with you/your situation/YOUR DC .
The boy I wrote about here in 2010 is, whilst obviously still a teenager with all the normal joys that brings 
, no longer exists - in his place, my beautiful son has returned (I am now openly weeping as writing this). My strapping 17yr old went to a bloody Clinique counter(!!!) all by himself to buy me a lip gloss for Christmas that he knew I wanted but couldn't afford... He is today trying to find a screwdriver to build his now 11yr old little brother's new desk.... But most of all, most incredibly and beyond ANYTHING I could have hoped for for him when I wrote that post, yesterday he got a letter confirming all HIS hard work in turning all around had paid off and that he will later this year be starting the next chapter of his life... He got a letter from Oxford offering him a place for September
My pride in him is unbridled and words cannot begin to convey that pride or the joy I have for him. Nor can I express how much I want anyone in the horrific places we have been in to KNOW that THERE IS HOPE - so please please PLEASE share the joy I feel, and ALWAYS hang on to the twin mantras of 'absolute love and absolute boundaries', and 'this too shall pass'.
Sending hugs (and hopefully HOPE) to the frickin' world - with love from this mamma to all other mammas facing horrors and just hanging on in there
Full original post here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1064385-HELP-15yr-old-pushing-boundaries-amp-buttons-long-LONG-sorry