cyberbullying

[lemonstartree]

I am deeply ashamed of my son. He is 14 and has Aspergers syndrome

I discovered yesterday evening , all over his facbook 'Wall' ,a disgusting stream of abusive comments directed at his former 'girlfriend'. He 'went out' with her twice over a 3 week period a few weeks ago and alledgedly 'dumped' her before Christmas. Comments calling her a 'dog' ; suggesting she 'take a nap' callling her a 'meth addict' and other such abusive crap. There are more than 30 messages in a long stream, all made from his phone - he has no internet access in his room because of previous issue with what he looks at.

search further into messages and you see him saying he will go back out with her if she will have sex with him - and taunting her when she dosnt seem that keen, she has 'defriended him' after hours of this stuff, - its bullying and abusive and I feel awful awful about the way he has behaved.

I am so angry I can barely look at him

I didnt bring him up to abuse women. I have taken away his phone (he only has a very old Nokia) and have no intention of giving it back right now. I am tempted to delete his facebook account and stop all on line access for a month. Is that too hard ? No, answer myself its bloody not.

any other thoughts/ideas?

Maybe contact the girls parents and let them know what's happened?

No other advice as I have no experience of Asperges and I'm sure that its playing a big part in this behaviour.

Oh, dear . Certainly it shows a directness and not-thought-throughness that might point to the AS being a factor - he seems not to have considered that other people will see the Wall, that she might tell/show other people. I might contact the girl's parents as well and explain this.

Agree with Beer. I would def remove him from internet access and probably for longer than a month.

I don't think it's too harsh at all. I would delete his account and wait until he shows he is mature enough to earn it back.
If this girl's parents find out they may well involve the school at the very least and possibly the police.

I would remove all Internet access and his mobile phone as well as deleting his facebook account.

Definitely delete Fb account.
Is he aware of the harm he has done?

Another vote here to delete his FB account , my Ds is almost 14 (end of this month) & although they try to seem "all grown up " they really can be very naive to other people's feelings .

Could you try find out where this girl lives & take your ds along to say sorry in person ?

Hi, does your ds have an official AS diagnosis? Is there some advice you could get from a specific support network/doctor aware of the issue/any other "help" you have?

My gut reaction would also be damage limitation until you have got the situation under control, ie ban facebook and any other internet access and phone. And yes, my instinct would be to talk to the parents of the girl. Do you know them already? Could be very hard if they are not sympathetic or understanding to AS but I think some explaining is due both for the sake of the poor girl but also for your poor son. He is probably feeling very confused if his emotions are all tied up with this girlfriend breakup issue, and emotions are not an AS's strong point are they?

I would say be firm and clear with your ds as to why for now you are banning these things and then as and when he can take on board what you are telling him, explain why what he has done is unacceptable.

Feel for you.

i agree with the banning. fb, phone, and anything else he uses for a month, then ban until it sinks in how serious this problem is. maybe explain why its so serious (ie: leads to suicide, self harming etc). i would also go speak to the girls parents and the girl without your ds to explain, then make him apologise in person.

poor girl. and im sorry you're dealing with this too

I agree with the ban. I would also go for a written (letter?) of apology rather than a face to face as that will be easier on him and allow you to help him. I think you could look at lots and lots of discussion. School might help as well, especially if they know you are angry with him and want support with lessons / education in cyber bullying.