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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

First heartbreak

15 replies

OhMerGerd · 09/12/2012 00:08

DD just 16 is going thru her first ever heartbreak. She's just crept into our bed for a cuddle like she did when she was little and had bad dream. DH snoring and oblivious. Today she went from thinking they'd be meeting up ( it's the classic to cowardly to say anything, suddenly monosyllabic texts, no calls, and too busy routine), to realisation that all not well, to optimism, to sadness, and now tummy ache and tears with hope and dread for what tomorrow will bring.
So we cuddling, she curled in a ball one side of bed, DH and his snores vibrating the bed on the other side and me inthe middle with indigestion ruing the extra glass of red I drank at the end of a day full of angst.
My darling girl .. What can I say, or do to make her feel better?

Xxx

OP posts:

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 00:16

Nothing to be honest :( Just be there for her - as you are.

There's no way I could have done that with my Mum at that age, she would have just been dismissive (plenty of other boys, you should be concentrating on school, I never liked him anyway type stuff. She's lovely, but just never understood me - still doesn't).

So - although you can't 'make it better' you can make it 'less worse' - tell her how lovely she is and that whatever is going on with him is not down to her, talk to her about what she thinks the problem is/was (if she wants to) and don't impose your thoughts on it. In short, hold her and listen. Tell her that we all go through it, it's shit :( and that in time it wont feel as bad as it does right now x

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 09/12/2012 01:10

It's horrible. I have been through it will my elder three and it never gets easier.
My ds1 had his first serious gf at 14 and it lasted over 2 years..when she broke it off he was devastated and my lovely son turned into a sobbing mess.
All you can do is cuddle her and molly coddle her and treat her like she has been very ill... Gently. She will get over it .
When my dd2 was dumped..age 17 by text after a year, I spent several weeks holding her sobbing uncontrollably. It was awful.. And I would still like to kick the ex in the balls to be honest for his horrible way of breaking it off... But she did survive and recover.. It just took time....

Hug her, listen to her and don't criticise the ex no matter how much you want to.

FlourFace · 09/12/2012 01:29

You are lovely mums. Fab advice there.

Original poster

OhMerGerd · 09/12/2012 09:10

Thanks for replies... it does hurt when you watch your baby going through it doesn't it. She couldn't sleep bless her and just wanted comforting. Only opinion I am going to give is keep it all off Facebook (I am not a fan). Think this part might have been easier in the olden days before everything was posted on the internet. xx

OP posts:

GlaikitFizzogTheChristmasElf · 09/12/2012 09:17

Oh :( I remember that feeling. I lay in my bed playing "always" by Bon Jovi on a loop. Every time I hear that song I remember, but although it felt like it it wasn't the end of the world. I am still good friends with the boy (now a man, husband and father, me a woman wife and mother) and we often laugh about our ill fated romance! We were friends who thought we should be more, but really it was like kissing my cousin or someone similar!

Give her a hug, get her some chocolate or and other treat and listen to her woes. It's really lovely she feels so comfortable talking to you. You are very lucky, as is she. :)

SecretSantaSquirrels · 09/12/2012 17:07

Oh just a year since DS1 was dumped out of the blue by text. She had been here for dinner the night before as well. Ruined Christmas for DS.
You just want to make them better.

hattymattie · 09/12/2012 19:27

I'm dreading this so much - DD1 has been with her boyfriend for a year now.

You sound like you're doing great OP.

JustFabulous · 09/12/2012 19:36

My advice would be to let her take her time to get over it. Don't try and rush her to move on and don't let anyone else do so either. If he wants her back, and she wants to try, don't try and talk her out of it.

skyblue11 · 09/12/2012 20:33

Awful isn't it.....My DD went through this last year, all the stages you mentioned. There's nothing you can do but be there when she needs you, you really feel for them i know, especially when they've been treated so horribly. My DD just sobbed for ages it hurts you just as bad. Not much else you can do unfortunately...

chocoluvva · 09/12/2012 21:27

DD's BF of 11 months dumped her very unexpectedly a few weeks ago.
It was awful seeing her crying and upset. She seems to have bounced back pretty quickly though. She made a point of organising lots of outings and activities with her friends, who were really kind which helped a lot I think. I treated her extra gently and protectively for a while.
So horrible coming home from his house to her bedroom full of teddies, cards, flowers and so on he'd given her.
Annoyingly, he's left a photo of him and DD kissing on his facebook profile along with his timeline stating his change of status to 'single'.
I worried that she'd be in bits for weeks, but it was less traumatic than I feared. Hopefully your DD will soon get over her break up too. You both have my sympathy.

chocoluvva · 09/12/2012 21:29

My DD is newly 16 too OP.
Horrible for your DD so close to Christmas :(

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 23:15

How was she today? Did they talk?

They generally do seem to bounce back quite quickly - which is good in some ways, but sometimes part of that 'bouncing' involves getting a new bf quickly - and not always wisely

Original poster

OhMerGerd · 10/12/2012 19:10

Well...they are texting but reading between the lines of what she has said and with my been there,done it, got the tshirt head on ....it sounds as if he is trying to get her to break up with him. Maybe he is trying to be kind or maybe he is being cowardly its hard to be objective and of course I only have a part of the picture and all my motherly concerns.. At the moment they're talking it through, feels more like 'stringing it out'.
Young love eh?
Stand back mother and let the kids work it out. That's my advice to myself. Still feeling it for my girl though. And just so glad we can talk about these things and that she trusts me enough to share so I can be there when she needs me and prep DH so he doesn't put his foot in it !

OP posts:

Happymum22 · 10/12/2012 23:37

You can't do much to change it, all you can do is help her be in a good mindset. Tell her stories of your first heartbreak, let her know you can empathise how much it hurts, but that it gets better. You seem to be doing all the right things. Its an important learning curve for her, however painful, it will be easier for her when she is older and more serious relationships end.

DD is at uni, she had a serious boyfriend in sixth form but it didnt last the distance and after first term of her first year she ended it, she'd seen it coming but he hadnt and she had fallen out of love with him as they just couldnt see eachother often and had seperate lives. she got through it quite well, she was sad, but not heartbroken. Her ex on the otherhand was a sobbing mess for weeks and took it very very badly, begging her back. She never really understood why he was like that.
Then this year the boy at uni shes liked all along and been close friends with from the start broke her heart. A few months after she broke up with her ex, this friendship developed into more but it was never more than a lot of flirting and one drunken night and a lot of him leading her on then refusing for things to be serious. She fell for him BAD and was, this time, the sobbing, heart broken wreck at the start of this term. She came home a few weeks ago though and said she'd wished she'd gone through it at a younger age as it hit her hard and she didn't really understand her feelings or deal well with it.

So definately good your DD is going through it now, and with a lovely mum to cuddle her and support her.

Original poster

OhMerGerd · 11/12/2012 06:28

Reading all these experiences it does make me wonder why we set up a system of gcse, a level and Uni to coincide with hormonal surges and the inevitable emotional fall out .....Just when they need to keep their eye on the ball educationally ... Wham all the lurve stuff kicks in. Lol. Given the current jobs situation we could shunt it all back by ten years!
Time to get her up for school and start the merry-go-round again.
Thanks all xxx

OP posts:

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