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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager doesnt want to move house

23 replies

themoon66 · 08/04/2006 16:18

Help. I'm moving house and my DS aged 14 has been like the walking dead since the subject first came up. He's even been crying into his pillow etc. I thought he was depressed or something, but finally got it out of him that he doesnt want to move house. Says he loves it here (we live in middle of nowhere with no neighbours, so you wouldnt think a teenager would like that). Says he was born and brought up here, pets buried in garden etc. Its not like he's changing school or anything, although will have to catch a different bus. The new house is lovely and he will have a huge room of his own, but he still wont go. Says he doesnt care about size of room etc, just wants to stay here coz he loves his home. He even had me in tears and now I feel very very guilty to the point of backing out of the move.

OP posts:
BadHair · 08/04/2006 16:56

Don't know what to say. We moved house when I was 8 and I still think of the first house as my home. The new one never was, and I lived there till I left home at 18. Parents still live there, but it's just not home. They tried extra hard to help me to settle in, but it was never the same - all my security had gone.

Sorry, that's not helping, is it? You really need to sell the benefits of the new house to your ds, which it sounds like you are doing.

But do you really have to move now? Would it be worth hanging on for a few more years, then move on when he's got a place of his own?

Freckle · 08/04/2006 17:00

We moved here over 3 years ago and for the first year to 18 months all 3 children would complain that they wanted to go back to our old house, even though they have far more room here with a bespoke playroom, etc.

I think it is just that some children don't like their routine being unsettled. He will probably moan for another year and then be perfectly happy.

Pinotmum · 08/04/2006 17:02

I think I'd tell him that you understand but life is full of changes usually for the better and things we dread usually work out to be great. Try and involve him in the move so he has a part to play and something to focus on - decor or garden for instance.

Original poster
themoon66 · 08/04/2006 17:03

No its now or never. I've been made a wonderful offer for my current house. There are rumours afoot that a pig farm is going to open up literally a few feet from my back fence, so then my house will be un-sellable. So, its now or never really. I've told DS that if I fiddle the money right and make a bit of a saving here and there, I can maybe stretch to that new computer I know he wants. That made him smile a little.

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Pinotmum · 08/04/2006 17:04

He may be coming round already then Smile Just tell him the smell will be awful if you stay!

Original poster
themoon66 · 08/04/2006 17:08

Pinot - I like your idea about involving him more in the move. Although he is a typical 'kevin-the-teenager' type lad. I'm lucky to get 2 words out of him some days, just grunts.

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Pinotmum · 08/04/2006 17:11

If he likes using the computer perhaps he could find out about x y z for you for the new house. Plants, paints, floor coverings, whatever. I bet he's hooked on DIY in no time.

Original poster
themoon66 · 08/04/2006 17:14

DIY? My DS? I'm lucky if i cant get him to make small movements in the school hols!! Hheheheh

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Original poster
themoon66 · 08/04/2006 17:15

Sorry - should have read CAN not cant

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Chandra · 08/04/2006 18:02

My sisters and I had a right fir when DParents decided to move not just to other house but to another city (I was 12 at the time). We hated the new city, the new school, the new house, etc but... a year later we went back for a few months so my mum could finish her degree and it was a bit surprising that wehn people asked us if we would like to live again in original city we all said "never", so... there's hope. Once he is nearer to his friends and start to have more of a teenage life he wouldn't want to come back :)

fairyjay · 09/04/2006 18:46

When we moved by ds was around 5, and we had to promise that if he didn't like the new house, we would move back! You can't really try that with a 14 year old though can you!

He's old enough to understand your reasons, and at the end of the day, if it's the right thing for your family, he'll have to go with it.

Computer's a great idea.

Original poster
themoon66 · 10/04/2006 09:08

I know and he knows that we are going. Its just difficult to see a 14 year old boy weeping. Makes me feel very guilty and horrible. I worry that if he gets really depressed, his GCSE work will suffer. He has already blagged a few days off school coz he looked so terrible in the morning, white, bags under his eyes, red eyes from crying, splitting headache etc. Its like he wants to stay home to be with the house almost. Perhaps I should toughen up, but its hard :(

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tyedye · 10/04/2006 10:16

I have tots and teen,give me tots anyday!bribery works for me,has he visited the new house?
tough age, all that testosterone!
good luck.

Spacecadet · 10/04/2006 10:20

im moving house in a few weeks and ive had the same prob with my teen daughter.
she has been breaking her heart because she is leaving her boyfriend behind, her school friends etc and also her best friend since pre-school, shes lived in the same road since she was 3 so is really struggling, at the end of the day though apart from reassuring her everything will turn out ok, theres not a lot else i can do.

Spacecadet · 10/04/2006 10:22

themoon-once youve moved and he starts to make friends he will start to feel happier, is it feasible for him to visit his current friends or have them stay over once you moved?

Original poster
themoon66 · 10/04/2006 11:07

SpaceCadet - I never thought of that!! Wonderful idea. I'll tell him he can have his best friend over to stay and he will have his own room. Our old house is tiny and the best friend always has to sleep on a airbed on the floor of DS's bedroom.

TyneDyke - I'm hoping to take him for a look round very soon. But its a new house and the builder won't let anyone around unescorted, so its a right old faff getting the estate agent to turn up with the keys (last time he left me sitting in the car outside for an hour before ringing to say he couldnt make it grrr). Blooming estate agents... not that's a whole other thread LOL

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FastasleepInABunnySuit · 10/04/2006 11:09

Spacey

I'll be your DD's friend, I'm enough years older to be seen as cool but not ancient, I can sneak her into bars/clubs.... take her off for secret piercings/tattoos... brilliantness!!

OddOneOut · 10/04/2006 11:10

themoon this has been my bargaining point with dd, ive promised sleepovers etc and her room is bigger than she has now, that seems to have pacified her a bit!
spacecadet

OddOneOut · 10/04/2006 11:11

dont you think you are leading my daughter astray FAWink

FastasleepInABunnySuit · 10/04/2006 11:14

Leading her astray, her astray?...

Me to your dd in msn - 'your boyfriend looks funny in that pic'

her - 'Oh, yeah, he does look stoned doesn't he'

lol!!

FastasleepInABunnySuit · 10/04/2006 11:14

(Not that shocking but you're not meant to say things like that to your mum's friend lol)

OddOneOut · 10/04/2006 11:15

roflmao!!!!!!

Original poster
themoon66 · 11/04/2006 13:29

Got home from work yesterday and the floor plan had come in the post from the builder of the new house. Showed it to DS and told him to pick a bedroom. He said he 'would like the one with its own bathroom'. I pointed out that he would have to be responsible for cleaning said bathroom, whereupon he changed his mind and went for the other one. Now says he is ok about moving as long as he can paint footprints on his new bedroom ceiling!!

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