left out

[lastone]

I need some advice and to know whether I need to worry or not.
My daughter goes to a very good school where she didnt know anyone when she started in year 7. She's now 14. She does cadets and gymnastics in the evenings 2 nights per week and volunteers sometimes , mainly fundraising.

She has a circle of 'friends' in school that she hangs out with, however they constantly arrange evenings and days out in the holidays and at weekends that they don't invite her to. When she does make plans with them, they cancel them at the last minute, with some lame excuse, and then she find out they did something else without her.

Its heartbreaking hearing her say she's not bothered and I think she is actually quite sad about it, she has said in the past that she doesn't want me to worry. I sometimes think I should have sent her to the local (not brilliant) school where perhaps she would have felt more in her comfort zone. Her school is quite caring but very academic, she is middle sets in this school but would probably be in higher sets in a different school and feel happier?

I worry that she will feel lonely and left out/on the fringes for the whole of high school. Anyone else experienced this? How can I help her to manage this kind of thing?

I strongly recommend that you don't get involved. Teenage girls can be harsh but,as a teenage girl myself if my mother got involved it would just make it worse. However try to encourage her to make other friends. However hard it may be it may make her life better and if you find the situation getting worse then discuss moving schools with her but don't force her.

hope this helps. I know how it feels.

thanks for your reply. In no way would I interfere with her friends at school etc, it was more about how do I best support her at home. Maybe im worrying when all of this is pa for the course - in my day there was no facebook/bbm etc, if I wasnt invited, I usually know about it! Not swamped with replies here so guessing it might be unnecessary worry?!

oh dear, I meant par for the course, and I usually didn't know about it.....

does the school have a student support/home liaison/mentoring system?
much sympathy

How sad, teenage girls can be harsh but be assured it won't last forever. By 16 friendship group change and they appear to grow up.

Is she in Year 9 or Year 10? Year 9 feels the worse for friendship groups and by Year11 it gets better. I've often found that girls who are independent struggle with friendships during this time as teen years are about conforming however that independence and strength is such an asset in later life.

It is heartbreaking, but definitely not restricted to certain schools.

My own DD, is not part of the popular group in school, so rarely gets invited to the fun things. Instead I try to court friends that she has made at out of school clubs, or in the local village, so although school can still seem a bit lonely, she has other friends to look forward to at the weekends or holidays.

I also try to encourage her to focus on one or two friends that she likes, as there is a definite culture that they have to have "loads" of friends which seems to come from the Facebook culture.

Good luck x