Minzy, I think sometimes when you're in the midst of things, it's hard to tell what's normal and what isn't... And when you're outside of a family, it's hard to tell what compromises are OK, and what just aren't...
From out here where I'm standing, the boys arguing with their dad sounds normal. Nasty and stressful, but normal. I think brighterfuture is absolutely right about roosters! I also think that many teenagers (mine included) have an unconscious drive to make things horrible at home so that they can make the emotional break they need to leave home. After all, if everything was always lovely, they'd never leave, would they?! 
On the other hand, your husband's rules about bedtime and going out do not sound normal. To me, they sound desperately over-protective, and a sign that he is really fearful. But I noticed that you said you live in South Africa, and I don't know enough about life there to be sure whether your situation is actually dangerous enough to warrant these 'precautions'... Do you know of other families where the father insists everyone goes to bed at 8pm and doesn't let anyone go out without him? If you do know other people who live like this, maybe it is a necessary compromise - but then you will have to expect a difficult few years, because your teenagers are almost certain to rebel, I'd say...
If you don't know other people who live like this, then that is a sure sign that your husband's behaviour is not normal. A man who behaved like this in the UK would probably be seen as having mental health problems. Does your husband have any known MH issues? Whether or not he has a formal diagnosis, if his behaviour is as unusual in SA as it would be in the UK, it sounds like he needs support.
Meanwhile, would it help you to try to understand why he behaves like this..? Does he have any reason to be so fearful? Has anything really bad happened to your family? Or to him in his past/childhood? Does he worry more because you have bi-polar disorder? I have a friend who is bi-polar, and she says many people find it much, much easier to 'deal with' her when she's down rather than up, and that she has been in relationships where people try to 'keep her down' because they are afraid of her mania. I wonder if this rings true for your husband?
Whatever the reasons, I'd say you need to look after yourself. Brighter suggests going out when there's conflict, and I agree, if that's possible - or at least withdrawing at the time, and making sure you do lots of nice things to help you relax generally :) If you think you are safe to go out, I think you should - meet up with friends, go swimming, have a massage, go to an evening class, or do whatever will make you feel good.
I also think counselling for you might help - you have a lot on your plate: you feel stressed because you are in a very stressful situation - one that is abnormally stressful I'd say - not because you aren't coping with things you should be able to cope with. Anyone would struggle, in your situation. (Just saying that in case you need to hear it!) You need to protect yourself and try to make sure you don't become ill from trying to balance it all and (like you say) "make everyone love each other". Remember the only person you can make do anything is yourself :) Look after yourself now :)