Lost it with 13 yr old dd feel guilty. now

[asheepatthewheel]

What a mess. I am off work with depression and not coping too well. DD is weepy and upset about school work, won't even do any revision for tests at school insisting there's no point as she just can't do it and will only fail anyway. I have spent ages patiently trying to help, offering her favourite food, suggesting time out, diffrerent strategies etc. nothing makes any difference and she has just glared at me ( with clear hatred) and said sarcastically "is that supposed to make me feel better?". I really lost it, shouted at her slammed a few doors and left the house in tears. How pathetic, She 's going to fail at school and I'm just making it worse. I really hate myself just now.

Please don't hate yourself - teenagers drive nearly everyone to distraction - really, honestly.
Your patience wasn't working. Maybe leaving her to it will work and she'll probably do better than she thinks. Teenage girls are known to be drama queens.
Please be kind to yourself - it sounds like you're a lovely mum. Nobody is a perfect parent. We all have our 'foibles'.
Hope you're feeling better soon.

Thanks chocoluvva I appreciate your comments. It's so disheartening when you do your best and it's never good enough. I think I'll just have to leave her to it and keep my fingers crossed that she does do better.

Absolutely nothing I do for my DD is right these days.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you can only do so much.

I think you sometimes do just have to leave them to it - you've tried to help and been knocked back, so let her find her own way through for a bit. FWIW we all lose it from time to time, teenagers have a way of winding most people up, so don't blame yourself or think things would be different if you weren't depressed. Anyway, sometimes a bit of a blow-up can be a good thing, as it jolts self-obsessed teens into realising that other people have feelings too, and that they aren't the only ones who have bad days.

Is there a teacher at school she likes? You could suggest she has a word with them about how things are going - often a reassuring word or a suggestion about revision strategies from a teacher are seen as sensible, when the same suggestions from a parent are "interfering".

A friend of mine recently commented that if she "breathes the wrong way" her DD (15) has a tantrum!
I know her DD and she's a lovely girl and her mum is very nice and very sensible.
Good luck with the test.

Thanks Amum she does really like her guidance teacher so I could suggest talking to her. Its all so exhausting isn't it? Oh the test, I have a feeling that she'll be upset if "all my friends" get higher marks! I do love her so much, though it would be a lot easier if I didn't or maybe it wouldn't?

Thanks exit

Well perhaps you can take consolation from the fact that you're not the worse mum in the world as that honour goes to me! Try not to worry they all do this, I'm sure she won't fail and if she does she will have to resit. They do it all the time at my kids school.

No fairyliz I think you'll find I hold that title! Thought I'd update, she got 80% in her test after all. I am going to be a pale shadow of myself by the time she leaves school at this rate

Oh well done to your DD :)
I hope this gives you both confidence for the next test that comes along.

Thanks chocoluvva (that's a hot chocolate!)