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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

sex

14 replies

Tortington · 22/03/2006 13:50

si my son has this girly he 16 she 15 going out for 6 months or so. i got him some condoms aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages ago. i also had a conversation with him about her going on the pill - but it notbeing my place to talk to her about it or make arrangements.

now, today ont he telly there was a sex ed programme - i think it was for schools? my youngest son (13) is off school and mentions with a cheky grin that there is now only one condom left ...giggle..giggle.

so i got this realisation today that he is having sex with her.

thing is - i desperately want her to go on the pill. i know its not my place and i am not sure how to broach it. i shouldnt be broaching it with her- as other way round i would be majorly pissed off. do i have an intensly awkward conversation with her parents ( they are lovley down to earth people but their daughters are very spoiled!) i cant imagine how to start the conversation.

my other option is to make an appt at the family planning clinic for my son...and she can liek...err....tag along... am not sure whati would make the appointment for though, he's using condoms. the intention being that they speak to both of them

god its awkward.

what do you think?

i dont want to be a granny before i am 35.

OP posts:
Feistybird · 22/03/2006 14:01

Agree you shouldn't talk to the girl.

What about asking your son - she may have plans to go on the pill, he may be willing to ask her, in which case, may be sorted.

milward · 22/03/2006 14:02

Condoms are protecting your son from std's so he should keep using them. If she goes on the pill it's her business - if she's using condoms then this is better as she'll be protected from std's as well.

QE2 · 22/03/2006 14:02

Tough one this, custy. First though - good on your lad for having the sense to actually use the condoms, he should be praised for his responsible attitude on this.

I can see why you want her to go on the pill but the problem I can forsee is that they may then stop using condoms. But I can see your thinking and I would probably think the same with my ds's.

If the parents are as down to earth as you say they are, then it sounds like they would be totally approachable on the subject. A few months ago I had to phone the mother of dd's girlfriend and broach the subject of them (not) having sleepovers. I was trembling as I dialled the number but it turned out her mum wanted to chat to me as much as I did to her so there was great relief all round.

Best to bite the bullet, I say and phone them. Perhaps go along the lines of that you are taking your ds to the FP clinic and see how they would feel about her going too?

stitch · 22/03/2006 14:04

nothing. youve done all you can

Eve2005 · 22/03/2006 14:12

condoms are far better all round protection than the pill anyway so say nothing.

men like the feel of bareback far better than with condoms so giving him a taste for it with this girl just means he's less likely to use condoms with the next girlfriend, it's not your business what she does, and the pill isn't exactly a pleasant experiance for a lot of women.

Sparklemagic · 22/03/2006 14:23

I think it would be too intrusive to phone her parents about this. I know they are still children and the over-riding instinct is to protect them, but personally I think you have done absolutely all a concerned parent can do, you have made the subject open with your son and provided condoms for him. But I think you should keep talking to him about it.

I think he is the only one you CAN talk to about this, and I would keep the channels of communication open with him on the subject - check that he knows where he will get his next lot of condoms and give him a hard paddington bear stare when you tell him he must not let himself run out of them if he is sexually active. Just be honest and tell him you are really trusting him to be responsible and sensible, because the girl involved is only 15. Perhaps ask him if he's asked her about the pill, just keep the subject open? But definitely make it clear that you are talking about them using the pill AND condoms which I assume you are because of the STD's thing? I would think twice before encouraging him away from condoms personally.

Tell him you don't want to be a granny before you are 35!

harpsichordcarrier · 22/03/2006 14:24

hmmm well I am probably going to go against the grain here and say DON'T talk to the parents. She may not have told them she is having sex and god knows she certainly won't want them to be told by you.
I say - talk to the girl. I know you say it's not your place BUT I would disagree with that. I don't mean in a heavy handed way, but to advice her. From what you've posted here it sounds like you have a reasonable relationship with her. here are lots of ways you could broach it. But I would say the best way to approach it is from your own point of view, your experiences. I would say - I am glad that you are going out with (ds) I think you are really good for him. I think you have a really close relationship. And then I would talk about what she plans to do with her life, her career, her studies etc. And then I would talk about your experiences about getting pregnant at a young age (sorry if this is too personal) and say that you wouldn't want that for her.
(I had a similar conversation with my nephew's girlfriend, who was cooing over my baby. Told her that I would have HATED having children any earlier. About what a great time I had in my teens and twenties. About how bloody careful I always was not to get pregnant. you know the sort of thing.)
If that part goes OK you could lead from that kind of discussion into talking about taking care of herself and not getting pregnant. And say, e.g. maybe I could make an appointment for you at the FPC? Or give you a lift there?(I don't mean to be offensive about people who have their children young, btw. It's just clearly not ideal for them right now.)

izzybiz · 22/03/2006 14:26

I dont wish to be seen as rude, but are they sleeping together in your house?
I just wonder because i was sleeping with my 1st boyfriend at his mums, so she felt she had every right to talk to us both.
Looking back i think she was right, she was very open and honest with both of us, i remember being a little embarrased at the time but nothing major.
Pehaps just gently remind them from time to time to be responsible?

Original poster
Tortington · 22/03/2006 19:05

we had a chat when he came home from school - I learned a lot! upshot is that there is a youth drop in contraception advice service at the hospital and they have both agreed to go. i just have to find out where it is and take them. so thats quite cool.

she's been going to a place where you get free condoms and they showed her (and her friend) how to put on on properly. so seems theya re both acting more responsibly than i could have hoped for.

OP posts:
QE2 · 22/03/2006 19:07

custy, really hope my kids act as responsibly as this when the time comes for that sort of thing......

RTKangaMummy · 22/03/2006 19:10

\link{http://www.channel4.com/learning/microsites/L/lifestuff/content/up_close/letstalksex/sex.html\I watched it it was very interesting and here is the info about the programme}

ggglimpopo · 22/03/2006 19:32

You posted on my thread, from the other side of the fence, talking about my dd......

Whatabout talking to both of them together, rather than to her parents or just to your son?

To be painfully honest, and a bloody hypocrite, I don't know how I'd feel if the latest beau's maman telephoned me and suggested I put my dd on the pillBlush.

Feistybird · 22/03/2006 19:34

Will be posting both DDs to you at onset of puberty Custy...

Original poster
Tortington · 22/03/2006 19:42

i dont want your daughters! sons are different.
my daughter is going to be a nun!

thanks all

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