Is it part of natures plan for teenagers to be so vile ?

[expectmiracles]

My Ds is nearly 17 and seems to go out of his way to be selfish, rude, obnoxious, agressive. He is chaotic, disorganised, incapable of forward planning and blames everyone else for the resulting disorder.
I love him dearly but am counting the days until he's old enough and mature enough to go away... I hate the fact that I am resposible for his wellbeing, its such a thankless task. Its so stressful living with him , when he's out the whole family can relax...

IS this natures way of making us mothers want to kick them out the nest so thay can go far away and start their own tribe ?

I wish there was a safe way to send him away to get his independance and give him a reality shock at the same time.....

There is a safe way to send him away...it's called university .

Over the coming weeks there will be parents sobbing as they drop off their children at their college dorms...but that night they will crack open a bottle of champers .

I think it is. And I think it's not just about us wanting to kick them out... I also think they need to be horrible and reject all our values and the other things we provide and offer, so that they can break away and leave us. I think some of them are driven to make things horrible at home, because if everything stayed lovely, how would they ever leave?!

I think you are right Flow4. I also feel that as menopause approaches the hormones that make us protect and care and be altruistic start to diminish too !

Wordfactory- fingers crossed that my DS can hold it together enough to make it to university ! Its a shame that at a time of life when he needs to be considering his future path all sense of reason seems to have deserted him.

Interesting theory expectmiracles. The description of your DS would accurately describe mine too - only mine is only 15!!! He regularly tells me that he can't wait to leave home (only 3 yrs to go til Uni). It will be interesting to see how he copes then, as he currently thinks that everything is my responsibility. Trying to teach him otherwise is met with shouting, door slamming, swearing and general aggression. Does not make for a pleasant atmosphere in the house, so you have my sympathy.

This is the theory we cling to, expectmiracles......... I feel your pain

There's a book called Get Out of My Life: But First Take Me and Alex Into Town which explores exactly that theory.

I am absolutely certain that it is nature's way of making you quite happy to cut the apron strings!

If they all left home when they were as lovely as they are at, say, 8, then the streets would be full of sobbing, hysterical parents.

mine's only 14 and already displaying a high level of obnoxious behaviours, clearly she's very advanced

I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to admit publicly that I'm counting down until she leaves home....

I feel your pain

My 16 yo is making herself impossible to like very much ATM

I love her dearly and feel sad to experience the way I am detaching from her emotionally, but find I actually have tto in order to save our relationship long term

Interesting thought that menopause may also make us less nurturing.

My ds is 17 yesterday he was texting asking where was I and when would I be back.
He wasn't worried he wanted me to come home put petrol in the car so he could go out in it!!
I didn't rush home

Ah but once the hormones settle they become less hideous again... so there is only a small window of opportunity to fling them out before you feel guilty

I could have cheerfully disowned my DS1 at age 13-17 but then he started to become human again, and now at 19 he is really rather sweet... so I have no hope of dislodging him ever! (not off to Uni!)

My eldest DD1 however was hard work always and having her go was a sobbing/champagne cracking moment indeed.

DD2 goes in less than a fortnight and I'm dreading it.. she is too lovely to let go....:(

I like the theory that hitting the menopause at the same time is natures way..... hmmm..

Glad it's not just in my house, my 16yo dd can be very hurtful & rude but she is worse with my dh than with me & I feel like piggy in the middle!

I wonder if it's part of nature's plan to hardwire so many parents to let them get away with it too?