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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

do you wait up for your 17 year old to get ib??

40 replies

lifeshocker · 09/09/2012 11:32

so tired today. My 17 nearly 18 year old daughter went to a party was suppossed to be in for one. Got in at half past.
I could have really done with an early night as I am off work sick at the moment. Am I being overprotective staying up? What does everyone else do?

OP posts:
Shazjack1 · 09/09/2012 11:39

There is no way I could settle before dsd ever came home sometimes lying awake until 3am however dh would happily slip into a coma and not worry in the least.

brightermornings · 09/09/2012 11:42

It was 4 when I got to sleep my ds who is 17 got in about 3.40.
I am soooo tired.

Original poster
lifeshocker · 09/09/2012 11:49

and I'm complaining about half one!! And i thought sleepless nights were just when they were babies. Remember my mum saying she couldnt sleep till I got in. I used to come home with the milk. Karma

OP posts:
SecretSquirrels · 09/09/2012 16:23

We have to fetch DS if he doesn't sleep over so one of us always DH has to stay up for taxi duty. It was 12.30 last night. If he was coming home under his own steam I'd have to stay awake.

deleted203 · 10/09/2012 03:39

lol...I can't sleep either. I am having hideous flashbacks to my teen years and remember being irritated that we always had to go into my parents room and whisper, 'I'm home,' as my mother couldn't sleep until we were in. She explained it by saying that if a policeman arrived early in the morning to say that we'd been in some kind of accident she would be horrified that he would think she was an unfit mother to have gone to sleep before her children got it. She was unbearable the next day, drooping around like a martyr and sighing about how exhausted she was. Now, of course, I lie awake thinking the same. And actually, I can't relax until I know they are all in and not dead in a ditch somewhere. At least I spare them the exhausted martyr routine.

OhNoMyFoot · 10/09/2012 03:56

She explained it by saying that if a policeman arrived early in the morning to say that we'd been in some kind of accident she would be horrified that he would think she was an unfit mother to have gone to sleep before her children got it.

Live it, not I couldn't because you might be in a ditch but because of what someone might think of me just incase Grin

brighthair · 10/09/2012 04:00

My Dad used to lie awake just to say a very sarcastic good morning when I got in at 4am Grin

deleted203 · 12/09/2012 19:58

LOL....oh no - I'm afraid my mother was DEFINITELY more worried about what someone would think of her, rather than our safety, sadly! She's a bit of a Hyacinth Bucket!

HeathRobinson · 12/09/2012 20:04

Can't you set an alarm for say, 2 am and they have to switch it off when they come in? Meanwhile you go to bed normally. If it wakes you up, you know they forgot they haven't come in yet.

deleted203 · 12/09/2012 21:21

What a good idea! Never thought of that one HeathRobinson...I quite like it. Although the idea of drunken teens staggering round my bedroom looking for the alarm is unappealing. And there are sometimes thee of them out (in different places). Not sure how it would work, lol. I have visions of them trampling round the house, checking if siblings are all in bed before trying to work out whether they are last one in and have to turn off the alarm or whether they have to leave it for someone else who is still out on the town. Hmm....3 alarms? Colour coded? I'll put some thought to it.

BIWI · 12/09/2012 21:23

If DS2 (17) isn't sleeping over, then he has to be home by midnight at the very latest. He's pretty good, though, and is usually home by 11.30.

I, too, can't go to bed until he's home.

I'm quite glad DS1 is now at university, so I don't have to worry about him!

mumblechum1 · 13/09/2012 01:46

I must be a terrible mother then, I only know the next morning whether ds came home or not, by whether he left his shoes at the bottom of the stairs Grin

omfgkillmenow · 13/09/2012 01:54

Fuck that shes got a bloody key, shes 16, 17 this month, and Ive got work in the morning. Tonight I had colllege and am up late, but usually in bed by ten. If she needs me I have phone beside bed but i cant go get her anyway cos have dd2 to consider, I would ring her a taxi and get money back from allowance. To be fair she usually plans her nights out wll including taxi home, she knows i wont pick her up as it would mean waking dd2 to come with, usually stays with friend or friend stays here, but would i wheecky be staying up till godknowswhen to make sure shes in. saying that, we live in the sticks, maybe if i lived in central London she would be shackled to the bed...

Velo · 13/09/2012 01:55

Someone else recommended setting the alarm trick. They would put the alarm outside their bedroom door easy for the kid to access so no stumbling around in your bedroom but u would still be woken up by it. I think it's a brilliant idea. I have birth + 15 years or so to go before I have to remember about this!

mumblechum1 · 13/09/2012 01:57

The rule in our house is that if ds can't sleepover anywhere and has no cash for a taxik, he books a taxi then takes the money out of a box we keep for that purpose.

He rarely comes home before 2am and I'm buggered if I'm staying up sober until then

flow4 · 13/09/2012 05:48

This one has caused no end of conflict between me and DS1, earlier this year especially. (He wasn't going to college much after Dec, and became pretty nocturnal over the summer)

I can't sleep if he's out, so want him in before I go to bed, but this - especially on a work-night-but-not-college-night - is earlier than he wants to come in.

Common patterns have been -

  • I want to go to bed about 9, he wants to come in at 11-12, I stay up and am then 'past it' and can't sleep, or short of sleep even if I do; OR
  • I insist and he refuses and comes in even later; OR
  • I ask nicely and he complies but is then up and about in the house til 2,3,4 or even later :(

Even when he's in and in bed at a reasonable time, he often still disturbs me. He tries to be quiet and is not often careless, but I am a light sleeper. For instance, he was in by 9 and upstairs by 11 last night, but fell asleep with his TV on, which woke me at 4am :(

I'm often exhausted. He didn't sleep through til he was three-and-a-half, either... Hmm

deleted203 · 13/09/2012 13:21

That's a really tricky one flow4. Not sure I can offer any advice - just sympathy. I can understand you needing to get enough sleep but if DS1 is at college I can equally empathise with him not wanting to be home by 9.00pm. To be fair.....we'd have hated parents insisting we were in by 9.00pm when we were teens. What I can't understand nowadays is when I was in my teens we went out around 8.00pm and came home at maybe midnight/1.00am. Nowadays my ruddy kids don't even go out until about 11.00pm - and then they want to come in at 4.00am! What the heck happened to pubs? Seems to be clubbing only. If I wasn't out then by 11.00pm I'd think, 'oh - I can't be arsed now'.

flow4 · 13/09/2012 13:32

Oh yes I know it's tricky. It would be unreasonable for me to insist on him being in at 9pm, which is why I don't. I think I was lucky as a teen, because at that age, I would simply stay over at friends or my boyfriend's house if I wanted a late night... But DS's friends don't seem to do this, probably because they all live close enough together for parents to reasonably expect waifs and strays to go home to their own beds!

By the time I was doing serious all-nighters, I wasn't living at home any more... And I suspect my problem won't really be resolved until DS either has a full-time job that exhausts him, or leaves home...

gettingeasier · 13/09/2012 16:37

I go to bed and ask DS 15 not to wake me up but I trust him 100% whereas when DD 13 gets those privileges I will probably have to stay up or clip her wings as I dont trust her more than 50% Grin

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 13/09/2012 16:52

I don't have teenagers but had dd at 17 think my mum would have laughed at the idea of not being able to sleep until I was home (although I invariably was home with dd obv, but the odd occasion she was out at other grandparents) I don't remember them waiting up from 16 onwards tbh.

deleted203 · 13/09/2012 23:58

I don't think it's about trust for me so much as fear, lol! OMG - what if my DD has met a weird non-licenced cabby and been kidnapped for the white slave trade, what if they've been mugged, had a car accident, fallen down drunk and broken a leg, lost all their money for taxi, got in a fight, been arrested, etc, etc, Blush. Ok, I'm a idiot, I know. Clearly if they are tied and gagged and on their way to a harem I shall not be able to do anything about it whilst lying on the duvet listening for the key in the door. Have no idea what I would do at, say, 5.30am if they still weren't home. I am clearly unable to help them whether awake or asleep. And yet.....and yet....I still lie awake until they are in. I trust that they are intending to come home - I just fear that something will happen to them. Idiot that I am.

deleted203 · 14/09/2012 00:00

Sorry...under the duvet, not on it! I'm not that masochistic. I make sure I'm warm and comfy whilst lying tense and stressed and waiting for the key, lol.

usualsuspect3 · 14/09/2012 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumblechum1 · 14/09/2012 09:26

I think there's a big divide between teh mums of boys and girls here!

As mum of a (just) 18 year old boy, I honestly don't worry about anything happening to him when he's out as:

  1. He's a black belt and oozes quiet confidence even though he never gets into fights
  1. He's 6 foot 3
  1. He's more sensible and mature than any of his mates
  1. He drinks but never gets totally ratarsed

If he was a girl it would be a totally different story Grin

BIWI · 14/09/2012 09:28

Why? I worry endlessly about DS2 being out. No different from him being a girl. I suppose there might be different things to worry about.

And re sensible - unless you've seen him with his mates, you actually have no idea what he is like or getting up to!