13 yr old dd distancing herself from the family, advice please?

[NotMostPeople]

Dd1 has hit the teenage phase, she spends lots of time in her bedroom and doesn't really want to be downstairs and part of the family. She is around for meals but clearly want to go back upstairs as soon as she can. I was a bit like this so I understand to some extent, but I miss her. I wonder if anyone has any advice on how to get through this time without alienating her or making things worse?

I'm trying to not make a big deal about it when she is around but try to show that I like her being there. Last night I let her stay up late and watch tv with me once the younger two had gone to bed. I just want to keep the channels of communication open.

Top tips?

It seems normal to me. Does she come out shopping with you? Can you maybe make a coffee day or something?

All teenagers talk to you when you're driving them places too.

Take her out somewhere she likes to go. My D for some reason, likes to go to the massive ASDA near us late at night, just the two of us. We don't really buy anything, but chat and laugh in the car.

Think its quite normal to be honest. My DS (14) goes in phases like this and my DD(17) did too although she is more downstairs now. Both of them liked a "film night"- DVD plus some snacks. DD liked a girly night- hair, nails, trying out makeup, looking through magazines together.
Even DS likes a bit of window shopping and a burger/pizza- often don't buy anything, but likes to chat in the car etc

Good idea, she likes shopping especially if I'm paying.

I'm finding it hard, I just want to give her a big hug and have my daughter back rather than this sullen person who only talks to me when there's something in it for her. Still, I think I'm managing to hide how I feel from her.

my 14 yo DS is exactly the same. Like you, I hated it and i'm still getting used to it. I jsut keep telling myself its not something we've done, he really does like us still. It's jsut something that they have to go through. We have a curry night once a week and we encourage hi to do things with us as much as possible. I just want him to know that we're here if he needs us. I also have a habit of knocking on his bedroom door a few times during the evening to ask well anything really, or to put clean clothes on his bed, or to ask if he wants anything in particular for dinner the next evening, just so he has human contact every couple of hours! and so i get to still see him, even if it is for 5 seconds at a time :o)

Quite normal.
Dd doesn't watch tv apart from Corrie, and even that she watches onher own on catchup.

She is happy in her room or office-she's not anti social, just prefers being upstairs. We go shopping/coffees a lot.

Tbh, I am just the same.

Yes quite normal. We do the shopping and film nights. Over the hols I asked her to cook tea once a week. That meant she was downstairs and interacting and then was pleased with herself for making something nice. I hope people come up with some more tips, because I miss my dd too :(.