Q&A for parents of teenage girls - ANSWERS BACK

[RachelMumsnet]

Are you concerned about your teenage daughter's diet? Are you worried about her self-esteem? Does your teen have skin-care issues? Do you wince at her choice of clothes/heavy eyeliner? Alice Hart-Davis is on hand this week to answer questions from parents of teenage daughters.

Alice is an award-winning beauty journalist and writer. Her latest book, 100 Ways for Every Girl to Look and Feel Fantastic was co-written with her daughter, Beth Hindhaugh and offers friendly and detailed advice on everything from hair, skin, makeup, exercise along with easy to follow instructions and photos. Send your questions to Alice before end of day on Wednesday 12 September and we'll link to Alice's answers from this thread by the end of the month.

Elephants, keep taking her back to the GP until you get something that works. You have to really push for it. People will suggest changes to diet, different cleansing routines etc. The only effective treatments are prescription only and the longer it's untreated the worse the scarring will get. There's a world of difference between teenage 'spots' and proper acne as I'm sure you and your DD know . Once it is under control - and it can be under control - the difference you'll see in her will be wonderful. And not just in her skin.

Good advice for teenage girls to avoid reading the Daily Mail. Obsession over body image is not likely to be improved by spending your time looking at blown up bikini pictures of 'celebrities' cellulite or how someone has gone from 'scruffy' (normal clothes, no makeup) to 'stunning' (makeup and tight clothes) in the course of a few hours, reinforcing the idea that women need makeup to be considered presentable. But then again, that's Alice Hart-Davis' job isn't it?

Particularly inpressed by piece (Daily Mail link) illustrating how to get rid of those awful, disfiguring things that used to be known as FRECKLES. Complete with a picture of a lovely young woman who apparently needs to be forking out £24.95+ to remove the horrors from her face.

'Although they?re sometimes called age spots, too much sun can leave anyone, of any age, with signs of pigmentation. But fortunately, a number of new skin creams that help brighten the dark blotches have hit beauty counters'

Way to build that teenage self esteem.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2197414/Blot-sun-spots-Come-holiday-blotchy-skin-Dont-panic--CAN-repair-damage.html

I have four teenage girls and have to choose which arguments to have with them otherwise life would be unbearable. I let them have untidy bedrooms, strange hair styles and colours, weird fashion sense, cheekiness and petty squabbles. However, they know that I love them to bits but will not budge over personal safety, late nights, overspending, boyfriends, personal hygiene, school work, bad language and bitchiness. The discipline imposed on them from early childhood has definitely paid off now as mostly it is very harmonious in our house and they are a pleasure to be with on the whole. That said we are a normal family and we do have a big drama every now and then. We deal with big bust ups with an apology and very importantly forgiveness.

My question is about money. My 15yo doesn't seem to (want to) understand the value of money and often lusts after branded this, expensive that - things I can't afford but that some of her apparently less well-off friends sometimes have.

Bearing in mind that they don't wear uniform, so clothes are a huge expense for me (I have 2 teenage girls and a younger child), how best to teach them what things cost? Give them an allowance to pay for all their own clothes, make-up, outings etc? I am considering opening a current account for her (specific teen one - no overspending possible) - has anyone done this?

How do you support your teenage daughter who wants to 'paddle her own canoe' and go against 'normal' preconceived footpaths (eg GCSEs, A levels & Uni vs performing arts)

I support her as do our whole family - but the school seems to think it's a 'fad' that will go away if they ignore it

Should i push for a refferal to a demorotogolist?

My dd has not got teenage spots. I know its acne as its like my spotty skin was. I am scarred. My dd doesnt want scarrimg

Yes push for referal to Dermatologist as they are the only one's that can precribe roaccutane, and it works miracles on acne, not overnight though, it can take between 3-12 months but the results are outstanding!!
My son was on antibiotics for over a year and they were not working, we were referred and prescribed roaccuttane, there are a few possible side effects but your daughter will be closely monitored for these.
So worthwhile, go asap to minimise scarring!! You won't look back :))

Will ring on monday. There is a lady gp who is a skin specialst. Will try to see her.

Yes do you will be so glad you did. We had to be referred to Dermatologist in hospital and had to get the prescription from hospital pharmacy only, they are very strict with how these tablets are prescribed.
My son had to have a blood test to check liver function as they can cause problems with that sometimes (rarely) and this blood test will be repeated at regular intervals, think my son had 4 blood tests in total. This was the worst part of the whole treatment for him, he'd nearly pass out every time (Bless him) but it was all worth it now, he says the same. There is also a riskof them causing low moods/depression which concerned me as he was taking his GCSE's at the time, I kept a VERY close eye on this! But thankfully he experienced adverse side effects only miraculosly good ones!!!
Very best of luck, let us know how you get on, if you don't ask you don't get! x

Excellent. I wasn't saying she had 'spots' BTW. I was saying it's pretty obvious when you're dealing with more than just the usual hormonal eruptions. It's shitty but they won't refer you unless you keep pushing for it. I think a lot of people give up.

I know you werent narked.
My skin was awful and unfortunatley she inherited that gene. I have scars all over my face.
Fingers crossed that we should get the refferal we neef

Brilliant, a lot of questions i could have asked!

I can't ask questions on this thread as I have a teenage boy.
So his skin, diet, self-esteem issues and clothing choices are irrelevant, it is merely the concern of girls wishing to attract him who need to worry about these things?

barbarianof theuniverse-
she still IS the same girl she was 3 years ago. Remind yourself of this regularly.
Wasn't adolescence sh*t for you? at least some of the time? My 15 yr old dd is the youngest of 4 and I recognise so much of what other posters have written. Yelling makes you feel better at the time but it doesn't feel nice, even if you are in the right. Just trust in yourself and all the spade-work you have put in up till now. You know what, they still need to be re-assured that they are loved and valued. She will come out the other end of all this.Honest. Be firm and loving .And try to laugh at it when you can. Best wishes!

Hands up for another 15 y/o here. She's had all summer to sort her stuff out for school, and on the first day back is scrabbling around to try and find everything. I hate that she is so dis-organised and it winds me up to a pitch! I thought the days of ruining carpets (nail varnish knocked over) were over after toddledom, but oh no, we have hair dye on the bathroom floor, self modified clothing which now has to be hand washed as the studs may come out and break my machine. We have style and hair different to all of her friends and enough attitude to go round an army.

Another lazy breakfaster, spends ages on hair, phone, eyeliner etc and then won't have time for cereal so I have to buy things she can eat on the go. Even that changes like the wind. One day she will love having pancakes or toast, another and it's 'why are you giving me things which aren't good for you'. Spots haven't really been an issue, but I do have to remind her to shower. Dirty knickers, tampax tubes, rotting apple cores, all contribute to the floordrobe pile.

Drives me absolutely crackers. She is blessed with beauty but says she is ugly. Another leg hater, but it's in her make-up. She had those chunky creasy baby legs. She won't exercise, avoids PE like the plague.

Might look for Belvita next time I'm shopping.

I blame myself to a certain extent as she doesn't have set chores to do around the house, and it's so easy to let her slip off to her room than have to deal with challenges after a very long day at work.

Oh the mornings!
The 5 minute nag (as in I nag every 5 minutes not that I go on for 5 minutes)
The effort involved in Wash/Shower/Teeth/Hair/dressed/Breakfast/Medicine/Catch the bus

I am exhausted by the time she leave the house

WofflingOn- perhaps you should lodge a complaint with the European Court Of Human Rights or something?

No, I'll just let him strut his stuff as a Master of the Universe whilst all the girlies pluck and wax and diet around him whilst squeeing over designer gear and dissing those that don't conform.
Or I could continue to raise him along feminist lines.
Sadly it is too late for my daughter, she's her own woman now, confident in her appearance and happy with her choices.
So a book with a blurb of 'Every girl dreams of changing the way she looks, and this fabulous book contains a fantastic array of top tips and beauty secrets' is not something she'd welcome in her Christmas stocking.

I'm with WofflingOn.

I think there's a bit of a clue in "award-winning beauty journalist".

It's unlikely to be a book about how to bring your daughter up to be proud of her achievements and abilities, is it? Or to see her time as valuable for intellectual pursuits rather than for vacuous preening in front of a mirror?

"Every girl dreams of changing the way she looks" - says it all really. Because the way she looks will never be good enough.

Yes, I see what you mean now- I misinterpreted Woffling's post as being annoyed that the book/webchat didn't include boys, and I was a bit . I agree with you.