New school new start for a 15yr old ds?

[daisydoodoo]

Ds1 who has just gone into yr 11, has not had a happy time of school since the beginning of yr 8, but he pleaded with us not to change his school. However things have just got worse and worse.
For some reason he has no/very few friends (was v popular in yr 7, but now maybe 1 or 2 friends and none of them close) He just got his gcse results and they were worse than expected, predicted a/b's and got 1 c d's and e's. Luckily he still has a year left to get his act together and hopefully acheive better grades to finish with.
Anyway this morning he broke down and saying whats the point, why go to school everyone hates him, hes a failure etc. I ring school who inform me that they are aware of some issues with him and have given him coping strategies, but these obviously aren't working, he has to go and see his head of house tomorrow at 8.20 to discuss this issue and the results.

I really wanted him to change school last year, i thought it would give him a fresh start and new page etc. He could buckle down and hopefully not get stuck in this cycle of being unpopular.

We really can;t seem to get to the bottom of why he seems to be universally disliked. Hes average height slim boy, good hygiene, he might not have a wardrobe crammed full of the in brands but he does have the 'right' stuff, yes i know this shouldnt matter but it does to lots of teenagers. Hes kind and considerate and funny as well and was always popular in primary school and even yr 1.

The main issue really is he wont talk about it to myself or his dad. I am worried that becasue hes so unhappy that he might do something silly. We have read messages on fb and his phone about him wanting to hurt himself.

Have the school discussed the issues with you. They are obviously aware of what the problems are if the have put strategies in place to help him deal with them.
Can you arrange a meeting with school/head of year after your DS has seen them tomorrow. You need to be working in partnership with them over this.
It is very difficult to move schools in Yr 11 as your DS will be 1/2 way through GCSE coursework and a different school may not offer him the same exam boards/option choices or same subjects.

I think you just need to focus on working with the school and getting to the bottom of his issues. He will presumably only have 2 1/2 terms at school before he leaves and can make a clean break in 6th form/college. I assume his lower grades are purely down to his lack of motivation - is there any way you can motivate him to work through revision guides at home and offer a reward/treat for effort and co-operation with study (easier said than done with a 15 year old I know!). The carrot at the end will be a clean break in the 6th form - but then I guess that all depends on what your son's issues are.

No one is telling su anythign at the moment. My son says its just normal kids stuff, my reply to that was if so then why let it affect your life so much?

The school has asked to speak to my son on his own at the moment. I am torn between ringing demanding to know whats being said/going on and how its being dealt with to leaving it to the school to sort with him. However my gut feeling is that they have known he was unhappy for 4 years now and the situation has got worse and he appears to be even more alienated from his peers.

He has all manner of revision guides and online access, but he just doesn;t/won't study. Its like banging heads against a brick wall. If I say hes grounded if he doesn;t study he says fine and isn;t bothered (probably because he has no place to go when he does go out) I've offered rewards, this is usually in the form of some kind of financial reward, whether that be cinema tickets, money for new clothes, certain pair of shoes/trainers etc, offers of being able to go and visit relatives up north on the train by himself. But nothign seems to motivate him. Ive asked him to tell me what would motivate him but he just shurgs shoulders and says don't know.

sorry for typos, posting quickly at work when people left the room.

I know this sounds awful... But is there any thing you can think of that might have happened to make him feel this way ? Have you forced him to do something he didn't want too or stopped him from going to a party ? (clutching at straws a bit here )

I agree moving at this year is not really ideal and this is speaking as someone who moved their dc last year due to job relocation. However much the schools cooperate ( and in my case they were excellent) there is always something that hasn't quite been covered.

Funnily enough ds (12) was telling me yesterday how he and others are fed up with a boy in their form who has previously been popular. This boy is a clever lad , top marks, in the a stream and who now constantly belittles other he sees a less intelligent including my son.

Ds thumped him particularly hard yesterday in rugby practice (hmm)

I can't think of anything known to me. Obviously there is the possibility that he has upset someone. Hes not big headed at all, hes quite modest and not boastful, if anything to the other end of the scale whereby he wouldnt boast about having a new something or having got a good grade for fear of upsetting someone.

I can't think of anything else to say but wish you much luck in sorting this out pronto.

Hopefully the school can shed a bit of light on it.i would contact his year head again when you know he has spoken with him.

The teenage years can be terribly hard to cope with but you sound like a fab mum who has her sons best interest at heart.

Chin up x

Awful that school have left it for so long. Are they only concerned now that they are seeing his grades? If so, that's terrible.

thank you for the replies.

It was only becasue i rang to say he was refusing to go t school that i found out that they were aware of any issues and had been for some time.

I don't know how many subjects he is taking, but it might be worth dropping one and minimising the time at school....Also getting him on side, with 'It's really only school until April/May time, let's make the most of it', give him a plan on what to study, when to do it, stand over him with cake and tea and just tell him that you and he are going to work as a team to get through it.

There is no point changing schools now - just showing him that you will invest time into helping him in any way, so that he can leave with some results so he can go somewhere else and study A levels....

I don't know your situation, but if you can break it down into subjects, and get tutors for the areas he needs most.

Sort of, me and you against the world son! approach, might light his spark....