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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teen dd and break up :(

14 replies

Findingithard · 25/08/2012 22:40

I am really struggling ATM. DD 15 has been going out with first bf for about 6 months. All has gone well until the Summer hols and he seems to have had change of heart. She has been waiting for texts, phone calls etc but he has completely gone off the radar, although he is still out and about with friends etc so still alive!

Dd has spent the Summer making excuses for him, giving him extra chances etc. I wish she could just draw a line under it and accept it's over, but even though he's clearly not interested, she is saying " I'll see how it goes when we're back at school" (they're in same year). I feel she is building up to a major hurt, but she refuses to discuss it with me. What does Mum know after all? It's so hard to step back and watch her be made a mug of. I know I have to let her learn by her own mistakes, but it's HARD!!!!

How does everyone else cope? And do DH's ever help with bf troubles, cos mine doesn't think it's in his job description [hmmm]. It all sounds a bit trivial written down, but I know she is suffering and consequently so am I.

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Findingithard · 26/08/2012 08:58

Bump

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Findingithard · 26/08/2012 08:59

Bump

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chocoluvva · 26/08/2012 10:27

What a shame. I think you could definitely say to her that his behaviour is unacceptable but if she doesn't want to hear it.....
I'm sorry I don't really have any other advice as such - when she's back at school she won't have as much time to dwell on him. Give her as many opportunities to do fun things as you can in the meantime.
I have a sort of similar thread on here about my DD who is also 15 so I know how it feels when you see your DD making mistakes. It's really horrible.
Hopefully your DD will surprise you by bouncing back from this more quickly than you expect.

beagreassive · 26/08/2012 10:34

You pretty much have to stay out of it. DD1 has been with her boyfriend for two years, after breaking up for six months after the initial six months of dating. So three years altogether. I have learned to hold her while she cries, and keep most of my opinion to myself. I like him, but DD want's him to be interested in things that just don't interest him. (like leaving the house) So I often say "you know, you have to choose whether you want "Tom" or whether you want a boyfriend: Tom is a person, who has good and bad points, and a boyfriend is just an idealised version of Tom". she loves him, even though he makes her sad sometimes. these are their lessons to learn.

Findingithard · 26/08/2012 10:45

Thank you both so much for replying. I know I have so much to learn in terms of keeping my opinions to myself. She has wonderful friends who I'm hoping will give her sound advice too.

Thanks
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TheOneWithTheHair · 26/08/2012 10:49

Just tell her you hope it goes the way she will be happy and that you are always there for her. Then leave her to it.

Maybe ask her if she's ok every so often to give her an opportunity to talk if she wants to. This worked for ds (16) the first time he was heart broken.

chocoluvva · 26/08/2012 11:16

OP - I really sympathise with you finding it hard "in terms of keeping my opinions to myself". I have exactly the same problem. It's VERY hard when you care so much about someone. I'm really really not looking forward to DD and her BF breaking up - regardless of which of them instigates the break up.

Findingithard · 26/08/2012 11:27

It is good to know others feel the same. Yes, Choco, my natural maternal instincts would have me shouting "Dump the loser" from the rooftops, but I'm guessing that might not go down too well Wink.

That's why it's handy to be able to vent on Mumsnet. Anyway, does anyone have a dh who is of any use in these matters? Mine does a fab job at keeping his opinions to himself, or in fact, not having any in the first place.

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TheOneWithTheHair · 26/08/2012 11:55

My dh tends to tell me his opinions and then expects me to translate these in a dc friendly way. Tis very annoying and next to useless.

chocoluvva · 26/08/2012 13:29

DH doesn't usually take much notice of social situations so doesn't have opinions either.

Redglow · 26/08/2012 13:34

My Dh just says stay out of it i don't think they think like a mum. We only want our kids to be happy. Might take a while but she will get over him.

Findingithard · 26/08/2012 16:18

Thank you all -it has helped me to share and get things into perspective. Will be first of many heartbreaks no doubt and life will go on :).

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beagreassive · 27/08/2012 10:01

My DH is better than me. He has a great relationship with the DD's, and they talk to him a lot. Maybe it's the fact they know he chooses to love them and be interested. (stepdad)

Findingithard · 27/08/2012 20:22

That's lovely aggressive - good to have a male perspective on matters of the heart sometimes!

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