Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Friends outstaying their welcome.

14 replies

CrazyDaizy · 19/08/2012 18:03

Hia Folks

My daughter's nearly 19 and going to Uni in a few weeks (she's counting down the days like she really can't wait to leave home) She has a good home life (well we think so anyway) full use of my car including ME (mug that I am) putting petrol in it for her. She has 3 little jobs so earns a tiny amount.

She has a best friend who she sees an awful lot of. Best friend has a poor home life so prefers to spend time anywhere else but home (shame on the parents!) Whilst I don't mind daughter having her best friend at weekends, sometimes it's turning into one or two days in the week aswell. And even if she's not sleeping over, she's in our house a lot. Eating our food and showering etc. Which mostly is fine, she's our guest, I want her to feel welcome. But hubby is awkward around her and never chats to her. Then hubby moans to ME that she spends too much time in our house, so it's me that has to have a go at daughter. And daughter has an answer for everything so I feel like the Bad Guy and that whatever I say is wrong. I'm even finding her friend's laundry in my washing basket.

Daughter is out EVERY night not coming home until 1-2am. Often in the (my) car so she's not boozing. Sometimes it's good that she has her friend with her so she's not coming home alone.

I adore my daughter and just don't want to alienate her at all.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 19/08/2012 18:07

If your DH as a problem, then he needs to speak to your daughter/ her friend - not leave you to be the bad guy.

TheProvincialLady · 19/08/2012 18:11

Are YOU bothered by the anount of time your daughter's friend spends in your home? If not then why don't you leave it for your husband and daughter to sort out between them?

Do you feel like your daughter is taking the piss a bit generally? Ie out late every night, using your car so much and having her friend in your house eating food and showering all the time etc? Does your daughter (and her friend) pull her weight around the house?

bamboostalks · 19/08/2012 18:14

Well if she is off in a few weeks do not sweat it. You sound, if you do not mind me saying, a bit enthralled by your dd. You sure she is not taking the piss with you?

Hairtodayandgonetomorrow · 19/08/2012 18:14

If you don't mind it then just remind your DH that she is going to uni in a few weeks anyway so there isn't really any point in turfing her out, it will just cause argument and bad feeling.

If she wasn't going to uni then I would side with your DH because it is his home and he should be able to feel comfortable in it.

LemonOCOGTurd · 19/08/2012 18:16

This would be a good time to talk to your DD about boundaries, etc, especially if she's going off to uni, forming relationships and learning to be an adult.

Btw, does your DD know how to look after herself, cook, clean, wash her own clothes? Sounds like she's a little spoiled! Wink

Beamur · 19/08/2012 18:25

Sounds like your DH's problem more than yours, but why not put it to your DD that as she's off to Uni in afew weeks time, you'd like a bit more family time with her, so whilst her friend is still very welcome, maybe have some days set aside where she does not come round.

ToothbrushThief · 19/08/2012 18:30

This is exactly why our children should leave home :)

Original poster
CrazyDaizy · 19/08/2012 18:42

Thank you, I never expected so many replies so quickly :) Yep I agree, if my DH has a problem HE should deal with it. One day I will remember this!!

As for pulling their weight around the house (daughter + her friend) they'll cook for themselves and do their best to clear up in the kitchen. Their beds are never made and I can't relax until I know daughter's room is tidy with clothes hung up. I'm like the room maid of a hotel. But REALLY I should just close the door on it, so long as the rest of the house is ok. DD will leave crocks lying around the lounge/bedroom, she's just untidy and disorganised (but I love her to pieces I have to say)

Yep, she's going to Uni soon, so I agree to not being too hard on her. She has such an active social life with loads of friends and is making the most of her time before going away to Uni.

OP posts:
Musomathsci · 19/08/2012 18:51

Sounds like DD takes an awful lot for granted. Isn't it worth having a chat with her now, while she has a few weeks left at home, about basics of tidying up/looking after herself. She is in for a huge shock when she leaves home and has to cope on her own. Don't think you are doing her any favours running around after her like this, and what's more, you are going to feel her absence even more..

Beamur · 19/08/2012 19:31

Y'know I'm not sure it is such a huge shock for teens, they can usually fudge a way through, will eat whatever they need to keep going and have no one on their case to tidy up! I'm sure my DSC's will have a whale of a time when they go to Uni and survive on a crap diet, little housework and a riot of untidiness. I know I did.

LemonOCOGTurd · 19/08/2012 22:31

I said what I did in my previous post as when I went to uni, there were 18/19 year olds rocking up on day one not knowing how to cook even basic meals and never having washed their own clothes! Shock

It was sad to seem them struggle like that. I think a parent should really teach these life skills to their kids before they leave home.

ssd · 19/08/2012 23:03

I think you're going to be lost without her and you know it

Beamur · 19/08/2012 23:09

Are you me in 14 years time? Grin

ImperialBlether · 21/08/2012 00:23

Is her friend going away too?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page