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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Doubting my parenting

5 replies

BettytheBeetle · 16/08/2012 22:32

Tonight's showdown has been the culmination of weeks/months of typical teenage attitude, brought to a head today when DS's friend told me that the other day, when they were in the car, DS opened the car door as they were driving along. (DS friend driving, not DS). They are both 17, and the friend passed his test last week. Friend stopped the car and had a go at him.

When I confronted DS about it, he claimed it was funny. Apparently he does it all the time when he is in the car with his dad (ex H), and dad thinks it's funny.
Two months ago, another friend was involved in a car accident, (having just also passed his test), and as a result, there was a fatality.

It is beyond me why anyone would think that opening a car door while someone is driving could be construed as 'funny'.

I went mad and grounded him. Lots of other usual teenage crap such as lazy, disrespectful etc..

Further to this, I have just split up with my second husband (have DD with him) and moved out last week. Second husband and I on good terms, but he has now had enough and has washed his hands of him (been together since DS was 18 months).

Have I overreacted? Should I have let it go? Is it a reaction to the split?

The crazy thing is, is that he is super clever and got great results today.

The thing that has hurt me beyond belief though, is that he knows how unloved and neglected I was as a kid, and told me that my mum sounded great because she never told me off . . . . (because she never cared about me to give me boundaries).

Feel like I've done everything wrong and am a truly terrible mum ..... Sorry so long

OP posts:
numbertaker · 16/08/2012 22:37

Hmm you sound like an excellent parent, who had recognised the bad parenting of your own childhood and has been strong enough to change.

I would put it down to all the trauma currently going on.

You cannot expect your son to be grateful just because you had a bad childhood, I also have this situation, but he only knows his reality,not yours.

Look, he is a man almost, you have done all you can, now he has to find out what life is really like.

Nah, I think your ok.

BettytheBeetle · 16/08/2012 22:46

Thanks numbertaker. Your kind words have really helped. I've been doing so well, running two homes, working, managing child are over the holidays, whilst trying to pretend I'm not the failure I feel myself to be, that it all came crashing down tonight. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
numbertaker · 16/08/2012 22:50

That ok. Tip: Don't believe your own lies.

You may benifit from some counselling at relate, they can do individual and its means tested so you don't have to pay the full rate.

I am in counselling now, for my crappy childhood, and its really, really helping.

Don't tie your self worth up in your parents, children or husband. You are not the key to everyones happiness, sucess.

xx

BettytheBeetle · 16/08/2012 22:57

Can you explain what you mean about not believing my own lies?!
Sorry about your crappy childhood ...... I had cbt a few years ago and it really helped.

OP posts:
numbertaker · 18/08/2012 19:08

I mean, not believing the negative thoughts you have about yourself.

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