Self harming

[lulu6867]

OMG My son just called me at work and told me he has been cutting himself, he said he has done it before but not for a long time. he is 19 and works full time but may be going Uni in september. He has been smoking cannabis for 3 years and wonder if this is anything to do with it, he has always been a bit of a sad person, you know the world owes him a living and everything is the end of the world and someone elses ( usually mine) fault, but this is something else. I have established that he is not in a bad way physically but wonder where I go from here? What the hell do his Dad and I say to him tonight?

Hi,
I might not be much help, but I used to cut myself. Please don't be angry at him. My mother was and she mocked me about it. I felt ten times worse. Its a cry for help. Try to be supportive and perhaps suggest a trip to the gp, although I refused to go. He might find it hard to accept that it is a cry for help. It's hard.
Good luck.

That you love him, that you're sorry he's been feeling so bad, that you're glad he let you know, that you want to think together about what's behind it and think about what might help. Sometimes when people have issues with their parents it's to do with how the child interpreted or felt in response to the parents actions, rather than any actual bad intention on the part of the parent, iyswim? Keeping that in mind could help you listen out when/if you feel he's starting to blame you. Remember that he called you so he wants you to know something. Then keep the conversation alive, don't drop it after tonight, let him know you'll keep it in mind. Just my thoguhts, good luck Lulu.

We did all those things last night and he cut himself again today at work I fetched him home but it is more like scratches than cuts and I can't help feeling this is just a bit of attention seeking and although he says he has been doing it for years I have seen no evidence of it in the past, he has a new girlfriend and she is a little odd too am I barking up the wrong tree to think that he is just maybe doing it because she does, I dare not express my true feelings to him in case I am completely wrong we have made him an appointment at a therapist for this week and he seemed so willing to go and seems to be wanting some sort of label to say he has bipolar or general anxiety disorder. I think he just has been reading too many Internet sites and is looking for problems that maybe are not there. I am trying to be supportive as I can and just hope I am doing the right thing.

It sounds very tricky for you, op. Only your ds knows why he's doing it. It could be sympathy for his new gf, maybe he wants her to feel less abnormal, if she does self harm that is. I would suggest leaving it until he starts therapy, it might encourage him to open up abit.
Self harm is a minefield. Everyone has different reasons for it. Hopefully your ds will respond well to talking to a professional about it.

Thanks for the posts, turns out after listening to a phone call ( bit naughty I know) that I was barking up the wrong tree thinking the girlfriend was something to do with it, she sounds really helpful actually, although i did only hear 1 side. He has an appointment tomorrow and i sent him a message today telling him to can call the samaratins if he needed help as I was scared of giving him wrong advice. I have given him an elastic band to put on his wrist and asked him to flick that instead to see if it helps. I have not had a phone call today and his lunch is over at work now so I am hoping he is in a good place today. I will keep hoping that I am doing the right thing try and stay positive and get my husband to accept that it is a problem for the whole family not just my son, as he is a little reluctant to talk about it at the moment but I dont want to push him. I am at an absolute loss as to what the best thing to do is and I am walking in the dark at the moment, but I will keep telling him we live him although I do hope this increased attention does not make the problem worse, what if he thrives on the attention and it gets worse, oh who knows really

just to add I did tell him he can call me any time but all I can do is listen, that post above sounds like I told him not to bother ringing me.

He told you, that has to mean something? He may well be influenced by GF, but you have to wonder why he was drawn to her in the first place. Re: attention seeking- well maybe he is drawing attention to something that he finds difficult to vocalise.
Young minds website has good info on SH. (sorry, can't work out how to link) Keep listening , it's so hardto witness and deal with as a parent. I found parentline listened when I felt overwhelmed by DD's SH