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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Ugh. DD2 has been doing so WELL.....

5 replies

beagreassive · 10/08/2012 11:37

But now she has messed up again. So, short history, DD2 hit fourteen and developed a depression, OCD, general anxiety and developed a pretty major eating disorder, self harming habit and massive anger problem as a coping mechanism. She lied at the first opportunity then got real real mad if you didn't trust her (seriously, saying "the sky is clearly blue, look out the wondow" would result in a tantrum of epic proportions if she had decided to call it green), she skipped school, had two suicide attempts and was hospitalised three times in two years for self harming gone too far. She stole, she hit she screamed.

We hit breaking point at age 16, and packed her off to her dad's, where she settled down a little, but mostly continued with the same behviours a lot of the time.
After nine months, she came back to us. She managed to pass her exams well, and we got her onto some birth control that toned everything down. She took some time out from school, and recently has been great: She started a hair dressing course, does as she is asked, takes her own time out if she is getting mad, and has just come so far. She is getting herself up and out of the house by seven fifteen every day, helping around the house and even started donating to a charity!

Then today I find out that while baby sitting for a friend of mine recently, she stole three (cheap and costumey but sentimentally important) pieces of jewellery. I confronted her, she intitally lied, but called back and owned up within half an hour (she was out and this was by phone). so what do I do? Is this a glitch, or a final straw? I am so confused.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 10/08/2012 11:39

Sounds like a glitch to me.... Does she have therapy, counselling etc?

beagreassive · 10/08/2012 11:41

She won't go. She was in therapy for quite a while, but to be honest, she lied to them and it was an exercise in futility: She told them what they wanted to hear, and refused to accept any actual help. I have lined her up any number of options, but until she is willing to go of her own accord, I don't believe it will help.

OP posts:
MrsJonesisright · 10/08/2012 13:54

Sounds like a glitch to me too. You've had major problems and it sounds like she's mostly got to grips with the worst of her behaviour. She has admitted what she's done, which I think it very significant. I am guessing a lot will depend on how you handle this particular incident.

I hope you find the best way (or someone else can advise) and things continue to improve.

Kleinzeit · 10/08/2012 20:13

I?d be tempted to treat her like a younger child who has taken something without asking. How about?. Could you ask her to take the jewelry back to your friend and to say sorry to her? She could buy some flowers or chocolates (with her own money) and bring them with her as a ?sorry present?. Ask her if she?d like you to talk to the friend first or if she?d rather do the whole thing by herself.

It seems as if she?s improved a lot and when she makes a mistake ? and we all make mistakes! ? then she can try to put things right. Maybe tell her what I told my son when he was eight and he asked me why he had to go and apologise properly to someone for doing something very wrong: ?because you are a good boy and it?s the right thing to do?. Smile

Good luck and hope it goes well.

Brightspark1 · 10/08/2012 23:34

It sounds like she is doing really well on the whole but it must be difficult to discuss with her what made her do it; she probably doesn't understand herself. I would probably help her to give the jewellery back and ensure that she apologises ( does your friend know about her MH issues? If not, it might be worth filling your friend in first).
Try to stay calm , I know from my own experience how hard it is when you have a child with MH problems, your DD sounds as if she has very similar problems to my DD (16). DD has ended up living away from us at the moment, she is not self harming as much, not bingeing and is managing her anger a bit better. But it seems that just when I allow myself to get my hopes up, something happens to bring me crashing back down to earth. It's just so hard and there doesn't seem to be any support for parents.
I hope that you can resolve the situation, I have my fingers crossed for you.

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