14 year old DS has been smoking weed

[muttonjeffmum]

I found out today that my son has been smoking weed. He stupidly left a chat conversation up on the laptop and I read it all. He had just gone out so I phoned him and told him return immediately which he did. I didn't really know what to say to him but I've never been a particularly shouty type of parent but I think I managed to get through to him my main worries. Which are:
Can lead to mental health problems
Makes you dopey
Could lead on to harder drugs
It's illegal
It's expensive
It's for losers - could mean no GCSE's/A levels/Uni

He cried, I cried. Said I can't believe that he would let us down like this and succombe to peer pressure so easily. Have I missed anything? Has anyone got any advice? He is such a nice boy. I know everyone says that about their own but people who have never met him before are always telling me how lovely he is. I don't want this to turn into some kind of major battle but I'm not prepared to sit back and watch him change into a loser. He is grounded and is not allowed to go to any more sleepovers indefinately. We haven't quite decided how long to ground him for - still reeling a bit and me and OH need a chance to discuss it. I'm so disappointed that I keep coming over tearful and just want my little boy back.

I think you've done everything right so far. Been through a similar situation with my ds2(17) but over stealing - both crying alot etc! Not sure if my ds2 has smoked weed (he certainly secretly smokes and there's nothing I can do about that). Because there's so much weed about, I bought some tester kits from the internet. They are easy to buy, they get posted to you immediately and are not too expensive. I told my ds I owned them, but haven't felt the need to use them yet.

Hopefully your ds is just "dabbling" a little and will stop, but you could tell him that you own the tests, you will randomly check him (cannabis stays in the blood stream for up to 20 days), and will continue to do so until you are sure he is "safe" again. Because ultimately that's what you're trying to do - keep him safe.

Where do you think he's getting it from? How does he pay for it? Do you know his mates - they will probably supply a bit even if he has no money. I'm not keen on my ds's mates, but we've consistently set boundaries and tried not give in. He earns his own money at part-time job, smokes and drinks but knows that we will always set curfews etc and so far, he seems ok.

If he's a good lad, I'm sure he will get through this phase, and with your consistent, unending support and solid boundaries he'll be OK. I wouldn't make it into a "major" battle, but you do need to stay vigilent and consistent for the next couple of years! Good luck x.

Thanks for that Part time. I didn't know you could get kits. He has been getting it from a dealer at the skate park. I understand things have changed since we were growing up and it's so easy to get hold of now. I don't know all of these mates that well. They are new on the scene and not from his primary school. Have said that he is welcome to have them round here so I can get to know them but we live a bit out of their way. He earns a bit of money and I have been giving a bit of money for train fares and food. That will all stop now. When he is ungrounded he can get the bus cos it's free.

Tests are a good idea. How about testing him for the next six months and occasionally afterwards and then not going over the top on grounding and punishments. Your main objective is for him not to use again. My DC's private school in South Africa used to randomly test all the kids. They were instantly expelled if they were found to have used drugs. Don't suppose that could happen here!

One of my biggest objections to marijuana is the that the drugs trade is such a dirty evil business. There is so much exploitation that goes on at evey stage. It's a huge and dangerous and by buying a little bit of weed you are buying into all of that. Whilst a little bit of weed isn't the end ofte world yours should know that he is funding organised crime.

As a teen i grew up in a very druggy area with lots of pals who used marijuana was that they were soooooooo boring. It put me right off.

I don't think it's the end ofthe world but it's better to put a stop to it, good luck.

Sorry for typo's. Hope it's readable....

Thanks DoItOnce. I had another chat with him today and he said that him and his friend who has been doing it too have made a pact with each other - if either of them smokes then the other will ignore them and not talk them. His mate has also been punished. His parents have said he needs to bring receipts home for anything he buys so they know where his money is going. I think that is a good idea. Have also told him, that if caught again I will take his phone of him and ground him for two months. Also mentioned that I'm looking into getting drugs tests. He said you can if you want but I'll be wasting my money cos his not gonna do it again. He too has said how boring it is - he just wants to skate.

Time will tell but I'm not going to let my guard down.

My DDs' school also does random drug testing. All the parents and students have to sign up to it, it is a condition of entry.

I second getting a drug testing kit. Asking for receipts is a good idea.

Another reason to avoid illegal drugs is that they are unregulated so you don't know what you're getting. It could be rat poison, talc, extra pure or goodness knows what. The health implications are massive.

Thanks for good advice on here - have some idea what to do now. A couple of hours ago I found weed in my 15 year old DD's bedroom, having just dropped her off at a friend's for the weekend. She obviously forgot to take it with her.

I know it's just a bit of weed (for now) and I feel I have to confront her about it, but I don't want to alienate her - we have a great (although, now obviously, not a totally honest) relationship. What has had me shaking for the past two hours though, is that her father (my ex) was a habitual liar and I am now having to deal with all those feelings again of being taken for a mug, not being able to trust someone, etc etc.

Just marking place to come back tomorrow.