My teen daughter is acting like a 2 year old - is it coz she's a teen or does she need help?

[snek]

My 13 year old daughter gets quite hysterical when I try to do anything that involves touching her -brushing her hair, wiping a smudge off her face, cutting her nails, helping her with using a tee-pee brush with her brace. I don't just mean a bit upset - but sobbing and panic-stricken (not angry). I don't understand - I'm not hurting her in any way. She is old enough to do these things independently - so I'm not trying to stop her doing this. But when she needs help - like with using the tee-pee brush, it's like I'm dealing with a baby and not a rational 13-year old. Is this normal? or do you think she's moving towards "odd" behaviour that should be addressed?

Can she not brush her hair or cut her nails herself? Maybe she feels like you are babying her so she reacts to it?

I think she should do them herself TBH.

Are there any complicating factors here that we need to know?

Stop doing those things for her that she doesn't need help with.

Has she always been like this or is it new?

Is something else going on? Being bullied maybe or something?

A totally OTT emotional response is really something you should have checked out.

I can't understand why a 13 year old would need any help with any of those things? I'd have belted my Mother if she'd tried to wash my face or brush my hair at 13!!!!

what does she say about it when you ask her (when she is not being irrational)?

I can't imagine brushing my DD's hair or wiping her face when she is 13, though, TBH - she's 5 and the most I do now is to tell her that her face needs wiping and keep sending her back until she does it properly.

Why do you do all of those things for her?

I have a 7 year old with autism and even he can be expected to grab a wipe or flannel and wipe his face!

I can't imagine many 13 year olds would want such physical active parenting TBH.

Unless she has significant special needs, you need to back off and let her be independent... she is telling you very clearly that she doesn't want such physical intervention. I still cut my 15 yr olds nails because he is physically and cognitively disabled and cannot do it, but he still cleans his own face if I tell him to! I haven't been 'hands on' with my other children past the age of about 10.

I think she needs to take charge of her own brace care.. mine also had braces and I had to trust they would get on with it.

she is 13 and you are clucking round her like a mother hen let her do her own hair, at 13 they are funny about personal space they dont like anybody invading it, let her do her own personal care,

I'm sorry but you should restrain yourself when you see a smudge on her face, and just tell her like you'd tell another adult. She does not need help cutting her nails, or brushing her hair.

If you're always trying to groom her and invading her personal space then her reaction is normal (for a 13 year old).

Or is something else worrying you?

Is she asking you for help or are you wading in with your face cloth , at 13 they need to learn how to do things and if she isnt asking you and you are trying to force yourself on her then she is going to react IMO , I know you are just trying to help her but...

So does she ask for help, then get hysterical?

My mum told me to brush my hair the other day. I'm 36!

OP I wouldn't dream of doing any of the above for dd. Unless she asked. She has occasionally asked me to straighten her hair and that is a lovely bonding moment for us as it is like her little pampering session. But I seriously think you should leave her be. Somone coming towards you for a spit wash at 13 (or whatever) is an invasion of personal space. Her reaction does seem extreme but maybe because you won't take the hint that she doesn't like it

Can't believe you are wiping smudges off her face and cutting her nails at 13. Why? Does she have some kind of special need?

My youngest is 13 in a couple of weeks and would go absolutely ape shit at me if I tried to do those kinds of things. It's too much an invasion of personal space at this age. Sometimes she asks me to help put her hair in a bun as I can get it neater, but I wouldn't dream of interfering with her hair unless she came up to me with the brush and bun pins and asked.

I think you need to back off a bit.

do you lay her clothes out too, in the right order?

and butter her toast?

my 12 and 14 year olds don't want to be touched. That is very common, why are you stepping over her boundaries? She is giving you very clear messages that she does not want to be touched by you.
If someone you knew kept on touching you and you made it clear you didn't like it and they carried on what would you think of them? She does not belong to you, she is no longer a child. You need to respect her or you're asking for trouble .

wonderin' where OP is?

washing her dd

Do you think this might be a wum? It seemed a bit implausible to me, which is why I din'r respond or is that just cynical me?

i also think you need to back off and just let her do these things herself. offer help if you think she needs it, but if she says no then respect that.

Having said that, I DO think that her response to you doing it is way OTT. has she always been like that?
I HATE people touching me, and if someone touched me and I made it clear that I didn't want them to and they carried on then i might scream

I even go mad if my ds (age 6) touces my face uninvited!