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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenage DS had unprotected sex

11 replies

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:37

I am worried about DS. He went to a party and had unprotected sex with a girl. He came back and told us in his drunken state.

He knows about condoms but said he didn't have one and wanted to get his first time over with. He says she wasn't a virgin and neither of them had any protection

He says she is on the pill but is worried she could have got pregnant or given him an sti. I rung sti clinic and they said wait 7 days before coming to be checked.

He now wants to text her to ask her if she remembered to take her pill but doesn't know how to phrase it. Any suggestions? I told him not to text as it will be rude but he is insisting.

Getting over the fact he was so bloody stupid, any helpful suggestions on what he could say?

OP posts:

Passmethecrisps · 30/07/2012 20:41

Oh dear. How well does he know the girl? Could he speak to her face to face instead?

There isn't going to be an easy way to have this conversation really. He needs to be completely honest though. In the end all he will e able to do is enure he is not infected with anything and hope she isn't pregnant as he can't make her do anything.

It's very sad he 'wanted to get it over with'. Not uncommon though.

Original poster

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:44

He only met her that one time at a party of a mutual friend. He says they were both drunk and he's worried she'll foget to take her pill.

OP posts:

DontEatTheVolesKids · 30/07/2012 20:48

how old is he?

Passmethecrisps · 30/07/2012 20:49

A text might be the way forward. Keep it friendly "hia. How are you? I have such a hang over LOL (you know what I mean)" then say genuinely that he is anxious about what happened. He is sorry they didn't use a condom and if she would like him to go with her to see clinic then he will ?? What do you think?

dexter73 · 30/07/2012 20:59

If she was drunk that means she wasn't legally able to give consent. You must make him aware that he could be accused of rape/assault if the girl was drunk, even if she agreed to sex at the time - Certain circumstances make it impossible for a person to legally give consent. These circumstances usually involve cases in which a person is not mentally or physically capable of choosing whether to engage in sexual behavior. For instance, if someone is drunk or high on drugs, then that person cannot give consent. This means that even if someone seems eager to engage in sexual behavior, doing so can legally be considered sexual assault or rape if he or she is intoxicated.

Original poster

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 21:02

He Said she was almost sober and he was totally drunk. He said She guided him through it all including foreplay as as he said 'she was experienced and knew what she was doing'.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 31/07/2012 11:22

Isn't this thread somewhere else on MN?

BlindFishIdeas · 31/07/2012 16:29

As Dexter mentioned, the legality of the act could create complications in the future and should be explained to your DS at some point in the future. But that may not be your most pressing concern immediately. I don't know how old your DS is but being under 16 does not stop him from being potentially prosecuted.

As a school sex educator hearing what was said about the girl being "experienced" a STI screen is great thing to get sorted quickly as most STIs are very simple to deal with if caught early, but get worse if they go unnoticed.

Most young people I work with do not fully understand the pill especially its failure rate and how missing 1 pill/ being sick etc can stop it being effective. I think opening lines of communication between your DS and the girl is a great step but your son can not force her but can share worries and encourage her. His trip to a Sexual Health clinic may help wake him up to the potential risks and see condoms as a higher priority. Also help him to see how condoms are a way he can ensure he is not risking something unintentional.

I think it is sad when sex becomes something to "get it over with" and when this present situation has moved on a bit I would recommend asking your DS about this attitude. It is not uncommon but is usually the result of a specific anxiety (to fit in for example) or assumption (being a virgin = bad). One choice does not have to shape his entire future sexual attitude. It is great he can talk to you, many young guys wouldn't dream of talking to parents in a situation like this. Keeping the lines of communication flowing may help you to speak about his attitude to sex in the future.

I hope he gets some helpful response from the girl soon. It may be a tough situation now but be encouraged he is talking to you.

Original poster

lavenderfields · 31/07/2012 19:04

Yep ImperialBlether, it's also in AIBU as didn't know if I'd get any responses here. It does state in the OP in AIBU that I was posting it here too :)

OP posts:

Original poster

lavenderfields · 31/07/2012 19:06

Thank you BlindFish, your post was very helpful :)

OP posts:

BlindFishIdeas · 31/07/2012 20:33

no problem, happy to help if I can

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