Should I act as my DS's social secretary?

[reshetima]

Am I the only one in this quandary? My DS does his (reasonably energetic) best to make arrangements with his friends (all 13-14 year olds). A text or facebook message goes unanswered for days, or you get back a laconic "I have to check with my mum" - not unreasonably as the mums are the ones doing the ferrying as no one's walking or public transport away in our leafy suburban area. Further lag takes place till an oblique response comes back and then I have to ring or text myself anyway to finalise arrangements.

So, I decide to cut out the faff and from the start I contact said child's mum, only to be patronisingly told that "

With my boys 13 was really the absolute cut off point when I stopped making their social arrangements. We are also very rural so all friends have to be ferried about, there is very little public transport.
And yes it is very painful.
Unless they have girlfriends most of them don't really use their mobile phones and so text messages go unanswered. Mine would cut off their ear before using a proper phone. However they have to learn and I have to bite my tongue and try to ignore the faff and the many failed attempts to meet up.
DS1 is 16 now and things are a little better but still frustratingly vague and none of his friends are any better. I hate to say this but the best organised events are when there are girls involved. They will tell the lads where to go, when to be there and what to take.

I'm sure you're approach is right, synchronised. It's just that it's horrible seeing him mope around the house - or even worse - spending the time on the computer, when I know he could be happily seeing a mate.

I suppose if I don't stand firm, he'll be one of those husbands expecting their wives to make all the arrangements...

Having said that does anyone on this list have a husband who takes responsibility for social stuff (or should I move over to the feminism section?!).

I get this too. I think boys are much more impulsive naturally so if you live in a town they can all just knock for each other. When you live in the middle of nowhere, it takes a bit of organisation to get them out and they just can't be bothered.

I think it depends on the parent, ds "town friends" parents would think I was mad making arrangements directly with them but his "country friends" mums are great for helping to organise as they have the same issues I do.

Thanks theredhen it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one.

My ds 13 is ruthlessly organised about his social life.
I say every evening "what are you doing tomorrow" and he has it all sussed.

Seeing a friend, going swimming, playing golf, at the oark.
I refuse to drive him anywhere and that has made him very self reliant.

I refuse to drive him anywhere and that has made him very self reliant.
If we lived in a town I'd do the same but there is no choice here. There is no bus service between the many villages where their friends live. They will bike over to the next couple of villages 2 miles one way and 5 miles the other, but otherwise it's parental lifts. It's the price for living where we do.

I live in a city but alot of DS friends are miles away from us. There are kids in the area but for whatever reason they haven't clicked.

DS1 is hopeless but he does make his own arrangements. It takes about 30 texts to establish where they are meeting/what they are doing. Even then it doesn't always happen.

My son is 11 and has just embarked on a social life in our small rural town. He is competent using buses as I make him use it for his music lesson weekly and have done for 2 years. I am trying to support him by encouraging him to plan his week and nag him about phoning his friends. I am lucky in that his friends mothers and I covertly support communication without the 5 boys in his group knowing. We have a pact that we need them to be independently organising there social lives by this time next year as we all work full time and have other DC to ferry around. They also all have a similar weekly budget so never end up with one of them missing out cos they have no money left.