Not sure about how to handle this.

[TrophyKnickers]

Was in ds's room looking for a charger. He'd hidden it under his mattress. I also found a pair of knickers there.

I have found him with my knickers before and told him not to take my stuff. I honestly don't care what he's doing with them. What concerns me is where they came from.

Does the girl know he has them (they're not new)?
Is he collecting trophies?

I think I need to talk to him but I'm unsure what to say or how to articulate what really disturbs me about it.

Please give me your words of wisdom on this.

Have nc by the way.

Depends on the age of the kid - if 15 plus I'd be tempted to ignore it entirely and just talk generally about respect for women/girlfriends etc.

I'd ignore it because it may be a relationship you're just unaware of yet - he might not have taken or coerced the pants.

He's 16. It just worries me as I think that if he's taken them without her knowledge then it's a bit of a violation and shows no respect.

He split up with a girl about a month ago and got together with a different one this week.

So you don't know who's they are?

Why do you think it's more lilkely he's taken them without consent as he's been in a relationship with both of them?

I don't know he's taken them without consent but he has taken mine before now so it would be a possibility.

Dh thinks I'm worrying over nothing. Maybe I am. I just don't know. I'm feeling a bit confused by it tbh.

I'd just be straight with him. Tell him how you found them and ask him whose they are and why they are there. Then you'll know whether to be concerned or not.

Why did he take your knickers before?

I think he took mine before to experiment with wearing them something. I'm not that bothered about the sexual side of things. That's his business and he's actually very open about things with me.

Maybe I'm worried about how he views girls/women. I just don't know. I suppose I'd like him to tell me that he was given them by a girl. Then at least she had choice or knowledge.

I understand your concern. It's good that he's open with you. You'll only know the answer if you ask him. I'd just be careful to let him know you weren't snooping in his room.

Yes. I will be careful to let him know I wasn't snooping. I suppose you are right. I'll ask him about it and see what he says.

He's usually respectful of women so I hope that one of the girls gave them too him.

Thanks for your responses. It helps to talk it out sometimes.

Ds is out for the day so I'll ask him later.

Quick update.

I just spoke to ds and he says his exgirlfriend gave them to him. I believe him as he's rubbish at lying. :)

We spoke about why I was concerned and he assured me he'd never take anything without asking.

It does make me wonder what on earth his ex must have thought of the request. I don't think I'd ever have said yes.

So his ex gave him a pair of her used knickers to keep? Sounds a bit unlikely but what can you do? If it were my son I would say I was binning them tbh and forget about it all.

He seems to have a real problem with boundaries if he's stealing your knickers. You don't seem that bothered - I'd be horrified!

I had a real problem with him about the stealing and he got punished. It was about 6 months ago now.

I don't have an issue wanting to experiment with/explore his sexuality in the privacy of his own bedroom.