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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My 13-year-old son doesn't want to leave his bedroom!

19 replies

tessdougall · 27/07/2012 00:14

My son loves his room - he has an X-box and a laptop but no TV. Since he's hit puberty he's spent more and more time in his room - now it's the school holidays I can't get him to go out. He has a small circle of friends and they all seem to chat on X-box live and there's no interest in actually meeting up and going out. Stuff he used to like doing - such as going to the pool, beach, etc - are "boring".

When I ask him what it would take to get him out of his room - his answer: Thorpe Park or Alton Towers. But both of these involve very long car drives, there's no theme parks near us. He's done several trips to PGL but it's a pricey way of getting him out.

This evening I insisted he come out to the pub for a family dinner and he sat there and refused to talk to anybody.

Any ideas please on what to do with an introverted and moody young teenage son?

OP posts:

Olympia2012 · 27/07/2012 00:21

Switch off the wi fi?

I do this with my ds, also 13

He has to wash, eat, tidy room, do his chores etc...then he can go back online,. You can set a timer inside xbox. This reminds them how much time they are wasting

Janni · 27/07/2012 00:22

I have a 16 year old who can be a bit like this and I have really worried about it. However, if I think he's OK in himself, not depressed, I try to leave him alone and not bug him about it. I go into his room every now and then and attempt some friendly chat about what he's playing etc. One thing that has worked is if I let him know I really need his help with something, then I praise him for it eg going to the shop/doing the dishwasher. Asking him to do an outdoor job to help me can at least get him out of his room, without making him feel I'm judging him negatively all the time.

I know it seems weird to us, but this really is how a lot of teenage boys choose to live for a while!

Janni · 27/07/2012 00:24

Olympia's idea is good

kaumana · 27/07/2012 00:28

I'm with Olympia on this as well, and as odd as it may seem, he may actually thank you for it.

Mutt · 27/07/2012 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaumana · 27/07/2012 00:44

Mutt I agree with what you have said but as you have noted it is harder to take away something that has become the norm. ..

LesleyPumpshaft · 27/07/2012 07:24

DS has also taken to spending most of his time in room and he is 13. I limit XBox time and we also have admin access to his laptop and have installed a parental control program that lets us limit access. We set the BT router to switch cut off his internet access at 11:00 during the school holidays.

It doesn't make me and DP very popular. All of the arguments in our house seem to be Xbox or internet related. We keep the Xbox in our room and DS has to ask for it and then put it back when his time is up. I must admit to being much more lax over the holidays though.

I'm so relieved to hear that other 13 year old boys are like this! Thanks OP.

Maybe you could set your router to shut off his internet access by a certain time and prepare for a battle when it comes to limiting Xbox time.

flow4 · 27/07/2012 19:19

Lesley - "We set the BT router to switch cut off his internet access at 11:00"... HOW?!? Pleeeeeeease tell me!

SecondhandRose · 27/07/2012 20:09

Ditto my 17 year old. Whilst everyone else is driving and socialising he is putting FIFA videos on websites.

Original poster

tessdougall · 28/07/2012 11:47

Many thanks everybody for your suggestions. I agree that once you let them have a TV and games console in their rooms, it's a downward spiral. For years we kept everything downstairs, but I have two sons and the arguments were getting nasty.

When my eldest son was doing his GCSEs, we switched off his internet and took away his playstation remotes. He wasn't very happy, but eventually accepted that we weren't going to back down.

My youngest son has definitely got into a rut, though, and I think we have to set some limits now as suggested. He wants a new laptop, so I think I will get him to do some chores in exchange of pocket money so he can save up.

Many thanks everybody again.

OP posts:

Lilymaid · 28/07/2012 12:05

Been there, done that and at the end both DSs turned out to be perfectly nice young men who love socialising and travelling ... well away from their sweaty pits of bedrooms.
Good idea to restrict internet access (switiching off at a certain time at night, after chores/homework etc). DS2 used to do his homework/revision in the dining room when he got to the age when he realised that it mattered!

PiratesMolMabel · 29/07/2012 10:38

My DH would kill me if he knew I was telling you guys this but...he once told me that when he was 14 he spent the entire summer in his bedroom. It was the summer he discovered umm 'gentlemen's literature' and ...(how can I put this politely) 'pleasuring himself' .

If your son is'entertaining' himself removing Xbox/internet etc won't help - sooner or later he'll get fed up.

GnomeDePlume · 29/07/2012 20:36

Is there any way you could distract him by taking the summer to remodel his bedroom (secondhand furniture is cheap)? Let him have lots of input (or get him to do the work). While this is going on set his games consoles up elsewhere and mysteriously fail to provide room for it all back in his room.

My DS uses his xbox perched on the dining table. At the end of the day I think that they are more interested in xbox than where it is!

awbless · 29/07/2012 21:33

Just leave him alone, let him crack on. There are more things to get worked up about. Times have changed, just because we went out with our friend's doesn't mean they have too.

Keep the arguments for education and being safe.

He wont be in his bedroom for ever.

TwoStepsBack · 29/07/2012 21:38

TBH I spent most of my teenage years in my bedroom and that was long before we had computers / Xboxs. It's just a teenage thing.

I worried about DS1 as he spent all day and night (literally) on his flight simulator. He's now got his private pilots licence!

Every cloud

Original poster

tessdougall · 08/08/2012 19:27

Well, I dragged my teenager out of his room and I've taken him on holiday to my brother's very nice apartment in the mountains in Switzerland. It's gorgeous here - clear skies, lots of outdoor activities, breathtaking scenery - and guess what, he doesn't want to go out. He's spent the whole day in bed reading a book (there's no internet or Xbox here). He says it's all very boring. I'm here with my mum and she thinks there's something wrong with him.

Help!

OP posts:

JCS39 · 20/05/2018 03:45

@tessdougall your son should be 19 now. :) For those of us going through the same thing now, how did it all'work out with your son? :)

lovemistymornings · 20/05/2018 08:24

Yes, that was me posting about my son in 2013. And yes, he's now 19 and still a gamer. I managed to get the Xbox/computer out of his bedroom by setting up a "gaming" room downstairs. I'm lucky to have a spare room which we used as an occasional bedroom, we decorated it and made it into his den. He has definitely spent way too much time on his gaming, but he has also turned out ok - he starts a science degree at uni this September and he says he will definitely leave the Xbox at home!

JCS39 · 20/05/2018 19:11

So glad to hear he's doing well! My 13 year old ds sounds so much like yours 6 years ago. So when can I expect mine's moodiness to go away and to want to do other things besides gaming? 😀

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