Underage teenaged sex

[PiratesMolMabel]

I'll make this as brief as I can.

DS is 16 in a couple of weeks. He's met a girl on Facebook & been chatting & Skpeing her for a week or so.

Last weekend they meet up & he ends up staying at her house & having sex with her. This girl is only just 15. All this was with the full knowledge & consent of her mother who even cooked him breakfast the next morning.

He was staying with my parents who didn't know that this was happening BTY.
Ok I have several issues:

1. She's only just 15 & this is illegal
2. Her mother thinks it's ok for her 15 yo daughter to have a boy who she hardly knows stay over & have sex
3. The old pg & STD concerns

Now DS wants this girl to stay with us tonight so I can see what a nice, unslaggy girl she is.

DH wants to come down hard & forbid the relationship.

I think this will just 'punish' DS for being so honest & encourage him to lie & sneek around. I'm really proud that DS has the kind of relationship with us that he feels that he can be so honest. I also think this will give the relationship the attraction of 'forbidden' fruits.

He's got a pocket-full of condoms from the NHS Walkin Centre & says that, although the girl's on the pill, he uses them - he says that he may be young & randy, but he's not stupid(!)

My parents (who are v. close to DS) are horrified about the whole thing, they blame themselves that this happened on their 'watch' & have decided that both mother & daughter are without morals & should be avoided.

Ok - advice & help please.

He needs to understand that even if she's OK with it, and her parents, he's still having sex with a minor and it has to stop. He could get into serious trouble.
I don't know how you can do that especially if she and her family are OK with it, but in the same way as if he'd been encouraged to take drugs, you would probably not support him in that.
She's too young to be making that choice, he's too young to understand why it's morally, ethically and legally wrong if she's willing.
Someone needs to be the adult, and it's a hell of a problem for you all.

Not sure if I can offer advice or help but perhaps some insight.

I would not be condoning sex under my roof if I were in your position (and definitely not her mother's) BUT if they are determined then they will find a way. I'm glad he's using condoms; please reiterate that he must use them every time. If you are concerned that he may not know how to put them on properly, I believe there are tutorials on YouTube involving bananas!

Not everyone's moral compass is set the same, and if her mother was raised to be 'liberal' at a young age, it will seem normal to her. She may well have self esteem issues and feel that her body/sexuality is the best or only thing a boy would want. It's a powerful feeling, having males desire you. Try to keep an open mind and prompt your parents to do the same. If your DS deceived them in order to stay with the girl then he owes them an apology though.

I'd try to encourage him to develop the relationship away from the bedroom. It will either strengthen things or they she will become bored and move on.

As for the legality, the authorities would not bat an eyelid if it came to their attention unless one of them were vulnerable, SN etc.

DSS is 15.5 and his ex a few months younger. They say they never had sex in either home. Their child is just over a year old.

Thank you for your advice. Girlfriend stayed on Thursday night - I can see why DS is so keen - she's gorgeous(!) If she was mine I'd lock her up lol!

Anyway, she slept upstairs in his room & he slept in a sleeping bag downstairs in the family room. Luckily the house is old & there are alot of creaky floorboards so no sneeking around.

In the morning DS took girlfriend a bacon sarnie & cup of tea (made by him) & was upstairs for a while, so I suspect some hanky-panky, but at least it wasn't sanctioned by me.

I drove girlfriend home next morning & mentioned how much I was looking forward to meeting her parents. I didn't push the issue then & knock on the door, but said that I would invite them round 'sometime'.

DS is furious with me - apparently that's likely to put her off him-really?

DH is in a sulk as he's jealous that he's not getting 'any' & DS is. I said that he got 'some' on his birthday in March, what more does he want

Am I the only one a little bit shocked at a 15 year old girl meeting someone online then shagging him a week later with mum waiting in the wings with breakfast?

Must admit I don't think I will ever be shocked again after what my dds friend has told me about a 12yr old I've known since she was 2/3. Apparently not only is she sexually active but experienced enough that she wears a mini skirt with no underwear takes a boy upstairs with her mum downstairs so they can 'do it' am still

I the only one a little bit shocked at a 15 year old girl meeting someone online then shagging him a week later with mum waiting in the wings with breakfast?

yup -I'm very shocked, that's part of the point of my post. However, they've met, shagged & now I have to deal with what happens next.

have just poted a thread about my son 15 and a dad x girlfriend said they planned the baby she was 16 he was 14 they never stayed in my house.

Its a hard point to express to any teenager but the legality of it should be pointed out to your son. Not to freak him out/ scare him into behaving but to inform him. If the relationship sticks or ends well the 'crime' will likely never cause him a problem. But a messy break up or some fit of anger/jealously could cause the girl or her mother to stir up some legal issues for him. Including nasty things like a permanent criminal record blocking him from working with children/young people in any way.

It sound like you are doing a good job in a difficult/impossible situation. Keeping the lines of communication open is vital and even though he hated your comment about meeting parents I think it would be a very wise move. Maybe being a sex educator has made me over suspicious but I never assume that I am hearing the whole story when young people tell me what someone else (her mum) thinks. Even if it makes you the bad guy for a while talking to her parents could stop misunderstandings in the future.

I would say it is your house and your right to set any rules and boundaries you believe is reasonable. Being gentle but firm with these boundaries can help you make it clear you do no condone the sex with out it turning into an argument. What happens outside your supervision is another matter, if you ban him from staying at her house over night they can just as easily have sex at some time in the day. Talking about his and her motives for sex is important and encouraging alternative expressions of intimacy that are not sex (not illegal) may be more productive then just trying to say no. For example encouraging him to take her on a romantic date. I think you have the chance to help him have a better whole relationship. just because he has sex once does not mean they MUST have sex again before they are 16.