DD1 is a pain in the proverbial

[Spid]

My daughter and I had a fantastic relationship up until her 16th birthday - in fact we thought we'd got away with the teenage thing! She doesn't blow up, or fight, or shout - in a way I wish she would then at least she would communicate with us. She keeps herself to herself, flinches if I touch her, is sullen and moody and completely doesn't like to be with us. Very, very occasionally she gives us a very brief glimpse at the girl we used to know - but then she catches herself and withdraws again. My relationship with my mother was strained at the same age but not to this extent. I found some rubbish in her bin and she had written this "I want to just remove my mother from my life. She doesn't make sense to me and every little trait, however small, makes my very flesh begin to crawl with simple, utter loathing." She is an incredibly intelligent girl who has decided to not go to uni ( was an Oxbridge candidate) and wants to come home and begin to study for a career in Musical Theatre - and we have told her we will support her in this as we just want her to be happy - however, I don't know if I can live with her at home all the time (at the moment she goes to boarding school - circumstances dictating this and she prefers it to home at the moment). I need her to spread her wings and fly away so she can fly back again when she has grown up a bit. I have had my huge cry at the loss of my baby and now try to be there but am beginning to avoid her. I would like to sit her down and talk to her about the fact that she may need to leave home for college rather than living at home - it's what she really wants but she won't do it without being pushed - but how do I push her away nicely. I feel terribly guilty that I need to push her away and feel myself detaching myself from her as what she does, how she treats me, speaks to me etc, hurts me. Should I try to talk to her? Should I make her live away for term time at college? How old will she be when she finally realises I am not so horrid? 23? 24? I look at photos of her when she was younger and I ache for that child to be with me again.

LOl - that made me laugh out loud!

A lovely bit of Lear!

My ds was like this 15-17. He is 18 now and lovely again thank god as it nearly finished me off.

Hahahaha! The lyrics thing is something I haven't thought about before, and it's important... In fact I'm struck by the fact that my DS1 doesn't listen to much music, so perhaps is missing a healthy emotional outlet, and one I remember having as a teen...

Personally, I spent hours listening to The Beatles' and imagining my parents waking up to find me gone, and being grief-stricken as they realised how much they would miss me! (These days seems more apt!)

lol - flow4 - actually you reminded me that I used to do the same with 'SHe's leaving . . ' Still wondering wether to write out that Lear and actually leave it lying around! Isn't it a bit cruel though?

How you describe your daughter reminds me a bit of how I was around that age, though not quite as extreme (probably just different circumstances though). My Mum will routinely comment to me about how I skipped the horrible teenager phase... except for one summer. It was the summer before I went to uni, I was 17, had been great with my Mum and Dad til then. Found my last year of school hard as it was educationally boring and a waste of time when I just wanted to go and get on with my life. Drifted apart from friends... at a small school so less chance of finding people really like me and I felt a bit isolated. I also hadn't had a boyfriend and seemed to think this was the be all and end all of existence, which it wasn't. Then I got the boyfriend as I finished my final year at school and became totally out of control emotionally trying to be what I thought I should be as a girlfriend/teenager whatever. Basically I was all over the shop, no idea who I was, if I should be myself or try and be what others wanted me to be and of course my Mum bore the brunt of it and nothing she could do was right. Broke up with the boyfriend at the end of summer to go to university and Mum now says basically I went to uni, spent 3 weeks having fun living on my own, came home in October for a week at home and was back to myself how I was before. I am now incredibly close to my Mum and (apart from DH) she is my best friend. I'm 24 btw (so wasn't too long ago I was being like this!!) just about to have my first baby and don't know what I would do without her! I don't know if this helps but a lot of how you describe her sounds like I was in that summer. I think it was being a normal well balanced happy child, throw in all the hormones and a sort of late build up of them combined with some not so pleasant circumstances involving school/friends/boys. Hope this is of use sorry for the length!!

That does help hamncheese - thankyou for sharing - I hope it's the way it goes with DD1 - good luck with the baby - they are wonderful!

Glad I could help :) although I have been singing that song now all day!

There is a lovely song at the end of Wicked that perhaps has some gentler lines to leave lying around, particularly if its a show she really likes.