Please can anyone help or advise

[DuffyMoon]

Have posted before about dd1 (16) and money going "missing" from house. It seemed to have died down and then last week she was caught shoplifting - well she was caught with item in her bag but had not left the store - of course she was dreadfully sorry at being caught etc. Yesterday her sisters foundation went missing - she swore blind she hadnt done it, blah blah blah - i asked repeatedly and she looked me in the eye and said it wasnt her. Today she was due to go out with friends to a gig and asked for some money - I noticed that she had foundation on (i knew she had run out) and asked her where it was from - a friend had lent it her so I said show it to me and then you can go ( they were rushing to get bus) she said no, she didnt know where it was etc - this went on for 10 mins or so before she finally admitted she had taken it and stomped off to get it.

We refused to give her any money which is when we got all the apologies etc, never do it again then when we still refused to give her anything, we got the how she couldnt believe how pathetic we were over foundation and she was going to give it back and all her friends thought we were nutters going "sick" over such things. She then left the house with her friends (yes all this was in front of a guest) with no money but she said she was going to borrow off friends and no way of getting home.

My husband went after her in the car and tried 3 times to get her but other than physically bundling her in the car, nothing else he could do and "she didnt give a shit"

I just feel stunned - I dont know what to do, or even when I will see her again...am imagining all sorts and am torn between desperately trying to contact her or just leaving her to it...and feeling like the shittest mother who has raised a thief and a liar

V long winded sorry - any advice and large shoulders to cry on gratefully received

God you have my sympathy! Does she work?

no - she is looking

It's horrible isn't it, Duffymoon :( You're not alone.

The first thing to say is that I am 99.9% certain she'll be back. She will probably come home later than she's supposed to, and she will probably act as if nothing is wrong. She will (if she is anything like my son, and it sounds like she is) probably try to 'punish' you for finding her out, so she'll make you worry if she can. My advice would be to try very, very, very hard not to let her know you have worried, or she will play this game again. If you possibly can, keep yourself busy today, and don't contact her until teatime, when you can send her a bland, neutral text along the lines of "What time will you be back?" But I know that's incredibly hard to do, and I didn't manage to follow my own advice the first few times it happened with my DS.

As for the theft, it's early days, so right now you will mostly be concerned with getting your head around it, dealing with the shock, and coming to terms with the fact that you can't give her the benefit of the doubt any more. :( You need to take active steps to protect your stuff. I had locks fitted on bedroom doors, and I never, ever leave my purse untended, even to go to the loo.

It's upsetting and stressful. Personally, I took a long time - more than a year of stealing and more than a £1000 gone :( - before I finally took steps to protect myself. I knew my son knew that what he was doing was wrong, so I kept expecting him just to stop. It was incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that he was going to go on doing it.

I can tell you all sorts more about my experience of dealing with a stealing, lying child... But let's wait 'til your daughter is home again, shall we? :)

Now go and do something nice for yourself if you can! :)

aww - thank you flow :) I shall try

Has she been in touch? Is she home? >crosses fingers

Yes she's home...braces self for when she wakes up.

Thank you for your thoughts, means a lot x

Oh good! But yes, I guess you've got some, um, difficult conversations ahead!

yeees...she is keeping her head down thus far...I just cant be bothered with it to be honest, in one ear out the other - promises the earth and delivers nothing :( ho hum...