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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Piercingsh

20 replies

assumpta · 12/07/2012 10:28

HI, my almost 15 year old dd asked yesterday evening if she could have her belly button pierced next week once she gets school holidays. She was willing to discuss not rant and rave and I promised to sit and listen waiting until she had finished before saying anything. Her main point was that although 15, she is VERY small for her age, and has had to wait for a long time before being able to wear cool clothes that all her friends would have had for years, can now only get shoes that are not babyish, as her feet are so small, is teased constantly about her height being called 'midget' on and off all the time, although may I add she is usually able to give as good back, but sometimes it does get her down and becomes a bit much. This is not an individual person, just random idiots at school or on the bus. Her 12 year old sister is much taller, and although it took her a while, she is over this fact. This is something she can get that is not 'sizeist'. She realises that she needs consent, and regardless of this I feel she would not do it behind my back.

She says that she looked after her ear piercings herself which she honestly did. She has studied hard for her GSCE modules last month. She doesn't go out every weekend meeting friends, or cause any hassle. She, like most teenagers, can be grumpy and mouthy sometimes, and her bedroom looks like a bomb has gone off in there.

I said that I would try and find some info and speak to dh, who immediately said 'no' to me before hearing her points, but listened and said we will discuss.

I read that it takes up to a year to heal, which really surprised me, and that swimming is not recommended due to infection. She said about putting a plaster over it and tested this theory out, which obviously failed, but at least she could see it for herself. We are due to go to France for 2 weeks which will involve swimming etc.

Has anyone had a similar situation, or any advice to give me.

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assumpta · 12/07/2012 10:29

Should be headed PIERCINGS sorry

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ChunkyMonkeyMother · 12/07/2012 10:37

My goodness - chill out, she is 15 not 5 - if you veto it she will go out and do it anyway whenever she can! It's a belly button piercing not a face tattoo!

If you say no to this, which by the sounds of she has discussed reasonably with you, do not expect to be consulted in the future - my mother supported me when I got a couple of piercings, she even took me to the parlour so she knew it was safe and clean - if she hadn't I would have done it anyway but behind her back at a cheaper place.

The only thing I would say is that if she is particularly small they may say no, the belly button is a strange one because if you grow afterwards it stretches and distorts, so if she were to spout up a couple of inches it will too - explain this to her, maybe she will be willing to wait so long as you are reasonable

TheOneWithTheHair · 12/07/2012 10:38

I'm sure many will disagree with me but I see no harm in it. She is willing to be open and honest about this and discuss it rationally which is to her credit.

At the end of the day your belly button is relatively private so is not going to be on show all the time and if she changes her mind down the line she can take it out and it will heal over.

If you decide it's ok I would wait until after your holiday and make sure you choose someone reputable (I'm sure you know all this).

A way of putting it off is making her pay for it herself if she doesn't already have the money. Bear in mind also that soon she will not need consent and may do it anyway. This could lead to problems if it gets infected and doesn't want to tell you for fear of being in trouble.

assumpta · 12/07/2012 10:51

theone yes, I hear what you are saying, and do feel it would be better after hols. I fairness she has already said she will pay for it herself, £35, and I would indeed make sure the place she has it done is clean.

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assumpta · 12/07/2012 10:55

chunky sorry, I thought I was being fairly reasonable, just asking mums net for an opinion or two. Wouldn't have thought of growth spurt.

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ChunkyMonkeyMother · 12/07/2012 11:46

Even if she decides against it a back and forth discussion is the best thing to do, a straight forward "No" will give her something to rebel against, I suppose you pick your battles - she sounds very mature though, which is a credit to you - just don't ruin it by laying down the heavy hand of the law too often.

Listmaker · 12/07/2012 11:55

The piercing/tatooing place near me won't do belly buttons for under 16s - I think due to the possiblilty of them growing and it stretching etc. Other places do do it though but I am using this as a reason not to let my 14 nearly 15 year old have it done yet and she has agreed to wait.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 12/07/2012 11:58

The growth and stretching thing would worry me, but tbh I think if she really wants it done then let her have it.

I personally loathe piercings and think they look ghastly, but after 6 months of lobbying dd had her tongue pierced at 15, and it is fine. It is the only piercing she has got, she doesn't want any more and has caused no problems.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 12/07/2012 12:00

And the thread title sounds like you're pissed Grin

DontEatTheVolesKids · 12/07/2012 12:00

Had a warm up discussion about similar with 10yo DD last night.
I advise that you Stall stall stall & keep pointing out the practical problems about getting the timing right due to infection risk, practical concerns, etc. Hopefully you can stall until she loses interest or is old enough to get it done without your permission or money.

Oh, and it HURTS. Especially if waist band rubs on it after newly done.

AgathaFusty · 12/07/2012 12:23

She sounds fairly mature and has obviously thought out a reasonable arguement for having it done.

I don't think it is that much of a big deal, tbh, and far better that she talks to you about it and lets you check the place out first. They might not want to do it anyway if she is under 16, particularly as she is very small, in case of a growth spurt causing it to reject. It might be worth letting her have a chat to a piercer and then mulling it over for another couple of weeks until your holiday is done?

I have had one for around 16 years. It's given me no trouble, and it didn't particularly hurt geting it done. It's just like any piercing though, it needs looking after for a few months at least - savlon spray is great - so probably best done after going on holiday.

CarpeJugulum · 12/07/2012 12:33

I used to work in a place that did piercings many years ago and the piercers always refused to do belly buttons on anyone under 18 (despite 16 being the legal age) due to potential issues with growth and skin stretching/movement.

They carried a line similar to this which may be a compromise? (NB I haven't used this site, it was just the first site that came up after googling!)

eatyourveg · 12/07/2012 14:06

blimey do I know you? as I read your post it sounded just like someone I know who used to be at school with my dc but moved away after a messy divorce. If it is you then I would say no but if it is your dd that I am thinking of, then you probably won't be able to stop her

assumpta · 12/07/2012 14:31

getorf I know, luckily I spotted it, which hopefully shows I wasn't pissed. I don't think she will want any more piercings after this, but who knows.

donteat i think stalling until after holiday using infection as a reason is a fair point.

agatha I think she will look after it, as she did religiously with her ears.

eatyourveg I don't know if I know you. Where in the country were you before you moved away?

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assumpta · 12/07/2012 14:32

Carpe - the place she has in mind to do it may not do under 16 anyway, good point.

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eatyourveg · 12/07/2012 14:42

if its you, you were the one to move from kent to essex

assumpta · 12/07/2012 14:49

No, not me eat. Not divorced, tg, or in Essex. Was this persons daughter one to always get her own way, just from what you said about 'not being able to stop her'.

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LemonBreeland · 12/07/2012 14:56

She sounds very sensible and I think a belly button piercing is not that bad in the scheme of things. Loads of my friends had them done as teenagers, most took them out after a few years as they got bored of them.

The stretching thing didn't seem a big deal to me, but you mention that she is small, so maybe she is due a growth spurt. I would mention that to her.

eatyourveg · 12/07/2012 16:37

the divorce was very very messy and the children rebelled (totally understandable) so I think if this was her dd it would be more of a statement of look at me I do exist you know.

assumpta · 13/07/2012 10:11

I have told her that we will discuss it properly this weekend with dh, but that she would definately not get it before hols, as if it was sore it could stop her from various activities and it may not be the best idea to swim so soon with it. She agreed with this.

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