my teenage son has no friends

[happyholiday]

This is a bit long sorry.

I have read lots of comments on here about parents with children/teenagers without friends.
I know I'm not on my own as my son has no real friends either , but I do feel I am on my own, as my son has tried to make friends all through his school life and has been laughed at joked about and made fun of in the past by the other kids... so now he wont even try... he is 14yrs gets on really well with the staff and teachers at school and has one girl he talks to at break times ( as she is not in his classes the rest of the time) but that is it, (she also has her own set of friends that don't want to know my son.)
I have done all the things recommended over the years e.g invite other kids back to the house invited them on outings, joined him in activites such as Beavors scouts etc ; nothing has worked, he hated very activity he tried (even though he stuck it for a least a year) and the kids we invited back just played on there own even though i encoured games for them to play together, my son very rearly got an invite back to their homes.

He will soon have his school prom and he has said he doesn't want to go , this breaks my heart! he says he has no-one to go with and he would just be ignored and sat on his own.

He has interests that he occupies himself with e,g computors reading about computers and doesn't dwell on the fact he is on his own but I know it worries him and i know he would love to be a part of a friendship, but he says he has learned to put up with being alone.

I have spoken to his school who say that they can't force other kids to make friends with each other and they say my son does talk to a few other kids.

i asked him about the kids he speak to at school and would they like to come over one evening or bowling or cinema he says he doesn't want them to come over as it would be the same as before... they would say they are busy and he would look stupid.

I didn't have many friends at school and the 2 that i did have we were never really close and I don't have any real people that i could call close friends now we don't have close family either (due to family dynamics)so again there is no help there.

He spends every weekend on his own in his room and every evening.

I watch other lads the same age as my son go off on their bikes with their mates and know my son will never have that.

He can't rid a bike we have tried in the past .. he has eye and hand co-ordination issues. i have suggested eh try again but he isn't interested.

I asked the mum of a boy who lives in our close who's son is about the same age as my son but not at the same school ..if her son would like to come round and play some computer games with my son, but of course it never happened.

My son has aspergers but he is the upper end of the spectrum in that you wouldn't be able to tell on first meeting him...as he is well spoken open and friendly... I can hear you all saying " oh well thats why" but I know it cant be just that as other kids with much more servere aspergers at his main stream school who have friends.

I am at my wits end any advice is much appreciated ... sorry if I sound defeatist

sorry just responded to OP before realising he thread was years old.

Your boy will be ok OP, everyone is different and he will find more like minded people now he is out of the school environment.

Again its along time since I was on this thread ...but have done what someone has suggested and added to a new thread, as things are still the same.
Looking for friendships for Aspergers teen
So if anyone is interested please get in touch. I have put east Midlands but its Lincolnshire area.

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks....

Hi happyholiday my son's situation is the same and it is heart breaking for a mum. I couldn't sleep last night for worrying about it and not knowing what to do. I was thinking I should be getting him some counselling to help him in his relationships with others but am not sure that is what he needs. He has no diagnosis but is on the spectrum somewhere and struggles with dealing with other and is lacking in empathy and social skills in general. Good luck x

Would he be interested in a drama group. My son has a few autistic tendencies and struggled with friendships throughout his school life but the huge saving grace throughout those years was drama.

From age 7 he was a member of a drama group completely disconnected from school - I don’t know what he’d have done without it.

He excelled at performance, was loved by the drama tutors and made lifelong friends.
He’s now at uni and is popular, happy and has lots of friends although mostly stays close to a small number.

There was another boy in the drama group who was much more autistic than my DS and who was brilliant on the stage - he also made many friends and was well liked in the group despite struggling at school to make friends.

Our local youth club runs a club specifically for young people with a "hidden disability". Most of the people who go have ASC to some degree (even my undiagnosed daughter I suspect!). My daughter has no friends and hasn't managed school consistently for over 4 years, so is very isolated - she loves it and went to play crazy golf today with the group.
Could see if your local youth club services (often council run) have similar.

My DD is 13 and although she doesn't have Aspergers(I did get her checked), she is socially awkward and doesn't make friends easily. We recently moved to a new town and DD has really battled to make friends at her new school. Everytime she thinks she's making friends, they suddenly stop wanting to be friends with her. She is a funny, kind child but not your average 13 year old. She has sobbed into her pillow on occasion and it is so heartbreaking. A saving grace for her is her online friends. She is obsessed with Zoella and some other YouTubers and she has made like-minded friends who also love them. They chat for hours on FaceTime about this particular subject and these girls have helped my DD not feel as lonely. I know it's important to have friends at school as it's a big part of your life but try to help your DS discover some online mates who love what he does. I think when he leaves school and studies something he loves, he will meet like-minded people.

I mean this in a light hearted way at least he's not out having sex like these other 14 year old don't worry my son is like this and worried and he told me he didn't need
friends for where he was going with his life and it's true he's autistic and wants to go to uni he said I will meet true friend there that like me for me so I no longer worry

Oh God this is my son. He's had no diagnosis but he ticks all the boxes for high functioning aspergers. I'm at my wits end with the situation. I'm scared I'm making it worse with everything I suggest or do but it makes me feel so sad for him.

Hello there

My son is 19 and has Asperger's. I can relate to everyone on here as we're going through exactly the same things. To the outside world all looks ok, son has trains as a hobby and is a Member of a train organisation, is learning to drive, goes to a youth club once a week. What people don't see is the holidays - like now. Spent time with older child yesterday and my son just spent day on his own so today felt like I had to pick up where I left off and provide a social life for him. People don't see the long winter nights and weekends to fill with no friends. He doesn't want to spend his life with me and likewise for me, I'm hoping once he starts work maybe things will change but I seem to have been willing that at all stages of his life.

My son is also like this. The teachers and other parents all claimed my son was well liked but just had no special friends. I used to help out on trips and no one ever wanted to pair up with him, broke my heart. He did get invited to parties at primary school, had kids round here etc but rarely invites back. no matter what the lure we offered (bowling, cinema, laserquest etc)

My H and I just try to be a good friend to him. We encouraged him to come walking with us and now he will come on hikes, so that gets him out of his room. For years he went to a twice monthly computer club. All the others were like him but they didn't really talk to each other, just worked on their coding. He has been asked to mentor there as he is now too old but doesn't want to do that sadly although we treid to encourage him to see it would be good for his UCAs applications. He isn't keen to go away to Uni. Despite his skills and kids and teachers saying he is a bit of a boff he doesn't get stellar results in exams so is unlikely to get into a great uni with other very intelligent bods.

It's so hard. My son keeps busy with really high level functional language coding that he has taught himself!! so he has great skills but I feel sad that he has no outside life. He has no real interest in TV and we have used up all the Star Trek NG, Father Ted and IT crowd episodes that he sometimes will watch with us. He used to laugh a lot more but always says he is okay and doesn't want friends but college must be hard, hearing the others talk about partying and pairing up.

I just try to keep faith that one day he will find a few mates to play games with and really laugh like he does when his older siblings sometimes play games with him.

Your story could be mine exactly except I have a girl and she’s 18 now. It’s her senior year and I cannot wait to be over even though it just started. We have tried up till I’m blue in the face to make just one friend her her. We’ve had people here she joins lots of things at school she’s super cute and stylish but just a little bit off as she has asked burgers. So no one will do anything with her. I am having a hard time even getting up in the morning it’s gotten so depressing and sad. No one understands. Parents of regular kids will say their kids have trouble with friends but I wanna say to them my kid hasn’t had one single friend since about second grade when kids decided she was a little different. I am very bitter and angry and cannot wait to get out of this town in one year or not have to see any of his parents or staff or kids again. I know I’m super negative but it has been extremely painful and I’m at my wits end

Oops sorry about mistakes in last post! Aspergers. It asked burgers!

Hi AspieMomma know how you feel.

Is your DD going to uni? Do you think things will improve for her there?

I worry about my son in the down times between class at sixth form as the Learning centre/library is always full. We live quite a walk away from college (not on a bus route) and it's a hard walk up a really steep hill to it so almost half an hour each way but he inavriably comes homes if the break between sessions is longer than an hour.

Like you I've always made sure that DS had trendy clothes (within his parameters on no labels, black sweat bottoms only etc) We have a lovely home etc. I even ran a free science club after school for a few years to try to make things happen and to endear us to parents who I thought might invite him/us to things, ha, what a waste of my time and skills that was. Should have charged a commercial rate. I 've lost count of the thousands of lifts I've given to kids whose parents (who I thought were friends) couldn't pick them up, times I've babysat their kids in the holidays when childcare fell through and then find out they haven't invited my son to parties, or they always have an excuse as to why my son couldn't meet up for a playdate with theirs. I don't bother with them all anymore. They showed not one iota of compassion or sympathy.

My son is quiet and sweet not aggressive and raucous like a lot of boys who were popular. We even home educated for a few years from year 8 to 11 as the stress of school with no mates etc got too much. He liked that but didn't seem to gel with the small group of local home ed kids. I'd go to collect him from activity workshops and he'd have done the activity on his own as no one paired with him just like at school.

At parents evening in year 4 his teacher told us that it "wasn't rocket science" to get DS a friend, we just had to invite a child to go bowling, if only.

My son says he doesn't mind being friendless anymore but he also says he doesn't like people and that makes me feel sad. You don't get a second childhood, breaks my heart.

I'm not sure if this discussion is ongoing as it's so long ago, but, I'm in the same situation with my DS. He's 11 High functioning with Asp. And dying for friends. Despite some initial friends coming round this has never been reciprocated and he is being avoided on xbox/online with people he goes to school with. He is heart broken and I'm not sure where to go or what to do.