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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD expecting me to run her everywhere and solve everything!

10 replies

musicposy · 10/07/2012 00:51

DD1 is currently doing two weeks of taster courses for her A levels in September. She's loving the courses. However, the college she has applied to is about 12 miles away. Not so far in itself, but we are out in the sticks and so is the college, so three different and fairly infrequent buses. It's taking her about 2 hours each way. I did try to persuade her to go nearer but she wanted this college and wouldn't consider anything else. There is heavily subsidised bus travel so cost is not an issue, just her time.

This week and last week have been a catalogue of moans about getting there. I've ended up running her over there more than once (I'm thinking I need to get firmer on this). This morning I had work so I dropped her at a bus stop near work, approximately half way there. This cut out one of the bus journeys. She was visibly miffed I didn't take her the whole way, but it would have made me late.

Just as I'm talking to colleagues, she phones.

"Does the number 23 go past the college?"

I say "How do I know?"

She sounds crestfallen. I ask if the 23 is there. Apparently it is.

"Can't you ask the bus driver?" I say.

Deep sighing and huffing ensues. I've clearly said something ridiculous.

"Never mind," she says "I'll just wait for the 39."

Confused

In some ways, she's very lovely and sensible for 16, and in others, she drives me mad because she expects me to solve things for her that only she can sort out. My favourite phrase at the moment is "what do you expect me to do about it?" which is met with a steely glare.

Just sharing really, partly because it did slightly amuse me that she thinks I know the answer to every problem in the world (and clearly have bus timetables for the whole county memorized Wink), and partly because - well, are everyone's teens this frustrating?

OP posts:
unicorn72 · 10/07/2012 04:27

I get this my 14dd who lives with her dad 100 miles away as she didnt want to move schools i still get texts asking for bus times and routes i printed them off and gave them to her but still gets calls texts because she forgotton try sitting down with her with the routes and times
:)

flow4 · 10/07/2012 09:13

I think it's quite common for kids with super-mums! :) We're capable folk, and for years and years we could solve every single problem our kids had, because we arranged everything they did - and we rarely let them down Hmm. Then as they get older and their horizons widen, they move into territory we don't know much about - but they still expect us to be their resident experts and organisers.

I think the only solution to this is to let them down more often Wink - deliberately or accidentally. Maybe practice saying "I don't know, sorry. How will you find THAT out?" and "I can't do that, sorry. How will you sort that out yourself?! Grin

Ingles2 · 10/07/2012 09:24

Absolutely agree with flow4 but I also think it's down to the personality of the child.
Ds1 is really academic, but has zero common sense... he regularly asks this kind of question and looks generally confused by life most of the time.
Ds2 is not so academic, but is practical and has tons of common sense. He'll get through life with no problems like this.
I've decided on letting Ds1 fail recently, because otherwise he's going to expect him to sort everything out for him and then when it does go wrong, he'll still blame me!
I think it's time to let our teens sort themselves out Grin

FallenCaryatid · 10/07/2012 09:29

Welcome to the joys of booting them out of the nest whilst they cling desperately to the edge wailing 'Mummmyyyy help me'
Stay firm, remember when they used to ask for sweeties in every shop and you said no, and eventually they learned? It's like that, but with lifts and money and problem-solving instead. Stay calm and reasonable and try not to get into long conversations about you not helping.
I help out with the big stuff if they need it, and they will ask if they can't manage, but I want both of mine to be as independent as they can be.

FallenCaryatid · 10/07/2012 09:30

I find mobile phones useful.
'Mum, I fell asleep on the train and I'm in Sheffield...'

nickschick · 10/07/2012 09:31

its just a phase,its all new to her and soon she will be able to ask around and find out from other students-its hard but you have to be firm about lifts and things ...my ds chose to go to a college the other side of manchester and we had similar,for a while I carried every bus timetable with me as i was forever getting calls about buses and routes so id be sat on a bus myself trying to open a timetable hold my phone and explain to ds that xyz bus ran at xyz time.

Have you tried 'journeyplanner?' you can get info about how to get places with walking map too - that was good we printed it off and i had one and he had one in case of emergency.

Am i right in thinking you home educated? i did/do and i think ds just got so in the habit of me handling his education he thought travel was included too lol.

iknowwho · 10/07/2012 11:26

Dd2 is 12. I get 'muuum! Where's my p e kit.?' I just shrug and say 'dunno'!
Then there is the 'mum can you give me a lift to jordon's?' Which I do sometimes but occasionly reply 'darling, I'm so sorry but I can't'

Let them work things out sometimes and don't be too available.

flow4 · 10/07/2012 11:42

Ha! Don't mention PE kits! I got an 'Evil Mum' award last week because DS2 didn't bother to look for find his PE kit in time for his PE lessons, twice running, and I wouldn't write a lying excuse note to get him out of trouble. He got his first-ever detention. But he probably won't forget his kit again! Wink

SecretSquirrels · 10/07/2012 14:27

Oh that is so familiar.
DS1 is very academic but has no common sense and is useless at anything practical. He will happily research and bore the pants off me about particle physics but would have no idea how to get a bus timetable.
We also live in the sticks and there are very few buses, often there is no choice but to either drive him places or drive him to the nearest village where the bus goes.
Thankfully he has chosen the nearest 6th form but it's still 10 miles away. He will get a cheap bus pass but discovered to his horror on taster day that he has to catch the bus at 7.30 am and it takes over an hour to wind it's way through all the villages to college.Grin.

All his life he has asked me impossible questions to which I have a few stock answers such as How would I know that? I expect you could find out by ....

CMOTDibbler · 10/07/2012 14:34

Don't be guilted into giving her lifts unless it happens to be convenient, and let her sort out buses etc herself. I'm sure theres a bus timetable app too.
Its part of growing up ! Part of the transition to 6th form is taking responsibility for as much as their life as possible

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