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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

feeling fedup

1 reply

battymum40 · 09/07/2012 19:33

hi I am having problems adjusting to my kids growing up, they drive me up the wall when they are around but I miss them when they're not around. My oldest daughter (22) moved in with her boyfriend a month ago and I didn't think I would miss her, as she was hardly around much, but I do miss her and she never seems to have time to talk to me anymore. My 18yr old I clash with head on, she will not tidy her room and she stays over at her boyfriends on a regular basis, I have paid for driving lessons for almost a year but she can't take her test until she passes her theory, which I have paid for twice and she has failed, she has now stumped up for it herself but is doing no revision, if I say anything she explodes or accuses me of nagging, I am also the worst mother in the world because I will not be buying her a car when she passes her test, like all her other friends got. She keeps threatening to move out and live with her boyfriend and then changes her mind at the last minute, I feel guilty sometimes for thinking please do!!!!!!, but worrying myself to death that she actually will I work fulltime 12 hour shifts and sometimes I resent my lovely children when they get out of bed at midday and expect me to make their lunch. At the moment I feel a complete faliure as a parent, we all used to get on so well and have such nice times but now the house is not the same even the cats dont like me, my dog is the only thing thats ever pleased to see me. Will it be like this forever. I am constantly tired and just long for a peaceful tidy house. Sorry for moaning

OP posts:
Inneedoflove · 10/07/2012 08:07

Hi Batty, I have similar problems with my 2dd. I feel for you it is very sole destroying when you are left to do everything. I have dd17 and dd19 and they have been pretty lazy over the last few years and it's so frustrating as I work from home and I can see them sitting around, watching tv and messing up the kitchen leaving it for me to clean. The mess doesn't bother them and when dh walks in after being out at work for 12 hours dd17 will say 'why don't you wash up if it bothers you so much'
This last week I have told dd17 that I will give her an allowance per month ( £5 per hour) based on her doing jobs in house-walking dog, washing up etc if she does nothing she gets nothing. ATM she is playing ball, she does kick up a fuss but I just ignore her.
You have to try and take back control just a little bit at a time. Do something that makes you happy, concentrate on yourself, take a few days away if you can to recharge your batteries. You're not a failure, they are just becoming adults and starting to break away from you- it's going to happen at some point - its just really sad and upsetting( not looking forward to it). Can you arrange to meet up with your dd22 for lunch sometime, away from the house, to try and reconnect and start afresh.
Hope this helps a little

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