2nd child could now be self harming / read diary

[Beenbeanlow]

She's 13, been low for some time. On the surface she makes out she is happy, but i found her jotter under her bed, so i shouldn't have read it, but did. And even in her own words shes describes how inside she feels suicidal and hope the cracks don.t show. Plus how upset her family would be if they knew she self harmed. She later says on her hip, of course I don't see that part of her anymore. Legs wrist arms all ok. I just don't know if it is words or real.

Dd1 self harmed, I don't know for sure if dd2 ever knew, we never said outright atbthe time and this was a last year, and I it broke my heart when I found out how sad dd1 was. Dd1 is ok now and we followed gp advice plus she has since been on the pill which has helped with her pmt and other feelings of depression, plus she has a nice boyfriend and has left school, which she hated.

I have read about 10 to 15% of under 16 years olds do this in some way or another, drink, drugs, cutting, all forms of self harm, but why my two lovely girls who come from a caring home with both mum and dad and a loving cat.

What do I do next, I'm planning on speaking to her later, saying I know she is upset, but not mentioning the diary or self harming, what do you think.

Why don't you go and have a chat with your GP before tackling DD2? This is upsetting for you, especially after your DD1's problems, and the GP is there to listen to you as well as to your DDs and to help you all come through this.

Good luck and hugs, because this is really tough for a mother.

In a sense perhaps it doesn't matter so much if she is actually self-harming or not: what matters is that she is tense and unhappy and you want to help her. Make that your starting point. Talk to her along the lines you said. Be there to listen to her. Be prepared to make an appointment with your GP.

Dd has self-harmed at times, but tbh she wasn't any better at times when she wasn't doing it- it was the underlying anxiety that needed sorting quite regardless of her "coping" mechanisms.

We are also a loving family (minus the loving cat- I don't suppose the tropical fish care one way or another). Yet dd attempted suicide a few weeks back. I know it's not our fault, it didn't happen because of who we are. But because of who we are, we may still have a chance to help her pull back.

So don't beat yourself up, just listen to her, talk to her, see about getting her help. And I do hope things go well for you.

cory I'm very sorry to read that your DD attempted suicide.

Thanks, Bonsoir. She has battled chronic pain for 8 years, it was an impulse thing, a sudden feeling of hopelessness, I don't suppose she will do it again. Fortunately didn't do much damage. In fact, the one thing that will probably ensure she doesn't do it again is that her little brother found her and had to deal with emergency services and she saw what that did to him. Which is what I mean about helping her to pull back because of who we are. I no longer believe bad things don't happen to loving families, but I do believe loving families have extra strength to deal with them.

Sorry about hi-jack, OP.

Thank you. Cory thanks for sharing that. I will take on all the advice.

Depressions runs in my side of the family, so I am worried it is partly my fault in some stupid way. As a teen i used to have feeling of wanting to end it all but as my dad died when I was a teen, I put it down to that, and would never have done it as I couldnt have put my mum through that. My mums been on antipressants for years and I'm sure my Nan was bipolar, but in those days they never did anything, just told her to make a cup of tea or have a brandy.

But today even the girls at school talk about self harm, there is more exposure or it on the net and on Facebook their self esteem gets knocked every 5 minutes, with comments and likes. I'm going to do something about her Facebook usage.

Cory don't worry, it's good to her your side. It's why I came to MN.

I think dd will be ok, it's knowing the path ahead is going to be hard all round. Even dd1 might have feelings of guilt, about her sister which I don't want. It's so complex.

Corey big hugs to you and your family

I've got to go to work now so I will catch up later.

Depression runs in my family, too, Beenbeanlow. As does the chronic pain condition that has laid dd low. I tell myself that feeling guilty about that is the same as feeling guilty about her being born, as that is the only thing I could have done differently. I still think being alive is worth it- and so does dd most of the time. Obviously, if I'd been offered the choice to have dd and not my family's medical problems- but you don't get that choice, do you?

fwiw I used to fantasize about self-harm many years before I knew that this was something people actually did. I remember watching a French film in my late teens where the lead female character (in prison after collaborating with the Nazis) was slashing her wrists against the bars of the cell, and I had this enormous moment of amazement: How could the director know about that? Had he seen inside my head?

So no guarantee that it wouldn't happen anyway.

The great thing about today is that young people know you can ask for help. My mum suffered for years with depression and severe anxiety, had virtually no social life and put enormous stress on the family, despite being a wonderful mum in all respects- I really wouldn't want to go back to those days; that's not what I want for dd.

Hi - I just wanted to add that I was at a specialist anxiety clinic this week with my 14 yr old dd and we spoke about self harming as she has done a little. The psychologist was saying that it is very very common now and they mainly don't associate it with suicide. She said the kids she sees are mostly attempting to manage strong emotions and/or copying behaviour from friends.