What can I do, if anything, about sad DD?

[happystory]

Dd is 15, kind of quiet and studious but with a wicked sense of humour when relaxed. She has rarely had any friendship troubles throughout school. She has been part of a large-ish group of girls who sometimes splinter off into smaller groups but has always had plenty of friends, parties to go to etc.

There has been a (minor) falling out with the self-styled Queen Bee of the group who has taken it upon herself to alienate and exclude dd from outings, meet ups etc. Dd is devastated. She has tried to sort it out with QB and some of the nicer girls but to no avail.

The mum in me wants to grab the other girl and shake her, dd is so unhappy about this, but I know it is partly up to dd to deal with it - either sort it out or not let it get to her. The holidays loom and she is dreading them. B* Facebook doesn't help, she is torturing herself reading what they have been up to without her...

Any suggestions? (Oh and are 15 year olds girls still so bitchy generally ? I hoped they'd outgrown this)

Not sure that I have any suggestions, just wanted to say sorry that your dd is feeling sad. Like you i was hoping girls might have matured a bit by 15 (my dd is 14) but I guess not all of them do.

Queen bees are such a pita aren't they? I find it shocking that these bitchy girls are either too obtuse to realise the pain they cause, or, worse, they simply don't care.

Thank god our dd's aren't like that! But seriously, the more your dd shows she is upset, the more this girl will continue. Like all bullies, she is looking for a reaction. If DD's 'friends' are treating her like that then they're probably not very good friends anyway. Ask your dd to look around the playground and see who else is there that she could become friendly with. Hopefully, if the QB and cronies see her having fun with other people, they may lay off her. But even if they don't, at least she won't be isolated any more.

Wishing you and dd a great summer holiday!

Teenage girls can be a right nightmare and Facebook/mobiles etc are the work of the devil as far as I'm concerned. My daughter suffered at the hand of bullies using these 'social media' and became so unhappy at school.

I would try and keep her occupied when at home so not brooding on what the other girls are/ were doing. My strategy was to get her to cook ... Taught her how to make bread and she became rather good! Sounds a bit bizarre but showing her other aspects of life not revolving around 'friends' actually gave her more interests and less reliance on these so called friends. That in turn made her less 'needy' and strangely more 'desirable' as a friend and this gave her back her much needed self confidence.

But harrowing when watching your daughter suffer and yes, I'd like to have spent 5 minutes alone with these girls at the time too!

My daughter also had a similar episode and you really feel for them.

I agree with Whattodo - up your game a bit and try and keep her occupied - so even if she's not with her friends, she's as least doing something.

I also think it made my DD less reliant and more resiliant re her friendship group. We chatted a while ago about this time, and she was amazingly mature about it - and saw it as just a minor hiccuph (didn't seem like that at the time). She has since had "apologies" many of the girls - they say they don't know why they did'nt stick up for her.

The book Queen Bees and Wanabes might help.
cant remember what it says about that particular problem.
She may need to find new friends,which may be no bad thing in the medium and long term.

Trust me as a 15 year old girl myself i have a friend exactly like that. She is manipulative and bitchy and treats people like scum but I have learnt that everything just blows over eventually. Also if you don't give them the satisfaction of letting it get to you then it all goes away.

All teenage girls are awful to each other and its just the way they are.

I could have written that post about my 15 year old dd. She is in exactly the same situation, I think I worry more than she does about it. She has just started going to a local athletic club and she loves it, the first night she was amazed at how lovely and friendly the kids were, I told her that that's what most normal people are like! I've come to the conclusion that this is just how things are at the moment and as long as she's happy in herself we just have to go with it.