Hi guys, new on here, first post, reason I joined really...
It's about my sons' sexual behaviour, and my reaction to it...not sure how to preface it, so will just get on and explain situation. They are both 18, twins. They have never been particularly close, or I should say particularly friendly, at least for most of their lives. I think they resent being twins and so on, as kids they used to antagonise each other but as they reached early adolesence this just turned to avoiding one another (to my relief). Anyway, when they were 15 one of them got into quite a lot of trouble and spent several months in YO. Despite them never being close before this was hard for both of them, and when he came out their relationship was a little warmer, though he was then 2 years behind his brother in school and they still were not what I would call "friends", though their relationship was more friendly than before.
However, several weeks ago my youngest son (he is 16), who is quite close to the twin who was in prison, got in trouble, along with the same twin. There was a girl involved (she is not the reason for the trouble, not directly). Anyway, cut a very long story short a lot of things came out about my children, namely the twins, and their relationship, which as their mother, have stunned me.
It turns out they have been playing some sort of sex games, if you want to call them that, and they regularly meet up on nights out with their friends and "share" the girls they have pulled, or go on the prowl (for want of a better expression) together. They will go off and have sex with this girl, together. Quite sadistic sex too, from what I can gather.
They are both 18 and so perfectly legal, and as far as I am aware these girls have all been consenting. My problem is that I do not know how to handle this situation. I came by this information initially from my youngest son, who confessed that he was jealous of his brothers' sexual activity and had wanted to get in on the act, so to speak. I have spoken to one twin about this (the one who has been in YO) and he quite cheerfully confirmed it, and embellished me with a few more parts when I questioned him (he has always delighted in shocking people, esp me). The other twin has gone off to university in another city, while his brothers remain in their second last year of school. He comes back regularly and these games carry on when he returns. I do not know how or if, to approach this with him. He has always been the "better" of the twins, has never been in trouble like his brother, top of the class, deputy head boy, sporty, well behaved, sort of a dream child in a way. It disturbs me to learn that my sons have indulged in such behaviour, and also that it seems to be having an effect on their younger brother, who is aware of it. As I said, I know they are of age and I am not aware of any of their behaviour being against anyone's consent and so from that perspective, there is nothing I can do to stop them. I know they are young and exploring their sexuality, and I feel it would be hypocritical of me to be too harsh as I was young once too and have experienced my fair share of kink. What upsets me however is how predatory their behaviour seems to have been, how calculated and controlled, not spur of the moment youthful recklessenss, and also how regular an occurrence this was (/is). I know drugs and alcohol have been involved which also concerns me, as though I said all the girls were, as far as I know, consenting, I cannot help but wonder how impaired their judgement may have been, and how possible it is my sons may have preyed on this fact. Please help, this is a deeply disturbing thing for me as I'm sure you can appreciate. Just typing this has been hard. I do not know what to do, how I should go about confronting my sons about this and what I should do or say, including my younger son who thinks the world of his older brothers. I have not yet spoken to their father of this (we are together) because he is sick, and I do not know how to tell him. I have always been the liberal parent, he is very conservative, quite moral and religious, with quite a high powered job, and this would tear him apart. I just do not know what to do, I feel completely lost and in shock. I feel I have failed at being a parent, though I have tried my hardest, and wonder if my more liberal parenting has had an effect, though I always impressed upon them respect of women and sex and relationships, or so I thought. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, please I just do not know what to do.