Would you let your 13 yr old go into London with just their friends, no adults?

[Jabbie2]

Just that really.She has a day off on Friday and she wants to go into London on the Tube with 2 girlfriends and possibly 2 boys who are friends.I did let her go to Westfield a little while back with a friend but I was nervous all day.Her dad is saying an emphatic no, she is too young and I think I agree.I will be in work all day and because I work in a school I am not allowed to keep my phone on my person.I feel there is the potential for too many things to go wrong.She hasn't been on the underground by herself before and I'm worried she/they will get lost and what if they fall out and seperate?Then there's the whole crowdedness of the centre of town thing as she wants to go to Big Ben, trafalgar Sq etc.Then there's the issue of her personal safety having her Blackberry out and her camera etc, what if she were mugged?

Don't panic! Can you normally trust her to be sensible? Does she know what to do if things go wrong? Plan her journey with her and make sure she knows what to do if she gets separated.

13? So year 8?

No I wouldn't let her. Different if she's grown up in central London. But if not, no, for all the reasons you describe above.

My instinct would be to say no, a smaller town, maybe.

Is she very sensible? And in a group? And you're sure they'd all stay together?

Still don't know.

No. My dd is 13, very sensible but I wouldn't let her into our nearest 'big' town yet...start small and let them build it up.

I think it depends on the child and how used they are to travelling in and around london.

I didn't go to London til I was 16, and still rely on other adults to guide me around safely now so a 13 year old me wouldn't have coped. I know others who are used to it all who would have no issues.

How well do you know the friends she is going with? what do their parents think?

I lived about a half hout journey from central London at that age & was allowed you do this. I used to go with one friend and we were under the strictest of instructions to stay together (& pre-mobile phones).

We would shop, go to a burger joint and wish we were glamorous and grown up! It made me fall in love with London!

I'd let her.

I would let her - you have let her go to Westfield, and presumably she is used ti the tube.

You can check your phone at break and lunchtime and call her to check she is OK.

yes i would.

on the basis that i did at that age.

Yes, my daughter went to London when she was either almost or just 13. We don't live in London, but not too far away, and she'd been with various family members many times. She had her day and route all planned out before she asked me, and had a great time.

If you can't have your phone available, will her dad?

If you're on a tube line you're presumably in the London area, so she'll be reasonably familiar? The main thing that would worry me would be going with two girls so there'll be three of them, are they the falling out type, so one might be left alone?

I would think she'd be fine though. Just insist on regular phone calls - not texts - so you or DH can be sure she's ok.

I lived a half hour tube journey from central London when I was younger and used to travel up with a friend for the day fairly often-we didn't really know where to go though so ended up in Leicester Square quite often! Eventually branched out to Camden Market and a few other places. It was fun and we were sensible-had pretty early curfews too.

so you are local to london and she has used the tube etc before? then yes i think so.

i recently went to london taking my ds1, once there i met up with a friend and she had her ds1 with her, we dumped them near to the history and science museums and they knew to stay in that area whilst we went off to have lunch and do some shopping.

they both had mobiles and we called them to let them know where we were and arranged to meet back up with them later in the afternoon, they were fine :)

we are 2hrs from london but my mil is half an hr away by train and i imagine by next summer i will let ds1 go into london on his own/with friends from his grandmas house (he is 12)

I have a 13 yo. I think central London is really very safe - it is incredibly hard to get lost on the tube and there are loads of people to help. That area is crawling with police and apart from the pickpocket risk I think it is probably safer for kids than most other places. Buses are very easy now they announce the stop names. But I would say:

-she has someone else as a backup emergency contact in case of difficulty. A grandparent or friend who works at home perhaps? And she texts them a couple of times in the day to say all fine.
-she certainly doesn't take a blackberry or camera with her. Carrying those around make her far more likely to be the victim of a crime, whether in central London or not. Get her a £10 phone.
-go through likely bus and tube routes and show her how to use the maps. Talk through different ways of getting home.
-they have to stick together, they have some emergency numbers on a bit of paper, and they don't carry valuables. A small amount of cash, oyster cards and cheap mobiles, disposable camera if they want pix - that's it. I would say that applies anywhere in London to kids of this age - they are very vulnerable to casual mugging.

I think it is great they want to explore the city, and they will gain so much confidence.

St James Park is lovely, there is a nice little park next to the Palace of Westminster, and they could walk across Westminster Bridge and then along the river to the South Bank - again very safe, lots of people to help, anyone is able to go into National Theatre, RFH, use the loos and have a sit down. TBH, I'd suggest they start with this area, there is loads on at the moment and it is more relaxed than Trafalgar Square. But even there, they can go into the National Gallery, use the loo, sit down, ask for help in an emergency, have a drink. Possibly even look at a painting.

If the real issue is that you won't be in contact with them and will be worrying all day - which I really understand - could you ask them to do it on a Saturday? The crowds are much the same at this time of year, and there are often things going on at weekends in parks and public spaces in town.

I think this is fine. I've grown up in centralish London as have all my dcs and it's insanely difficult to get lost on the tube, considering the map is colour coded and there are signs at every single point. Also there is typically a member of staff around and always one at the gates in central stations. My dcs used the tube on their own from starting secondary school so aged 11.

My nieces and nephews who live out of town and are of similar ages all regularly come in to meet the dcs.

Definitely talk about route options with her. Just in case she loses her stuff, as you can't be contacted I'd give her an emergency £20 to keep on her. Make it clear you want this back if there are no serious emergencies and she shouldnt tell her friends about it incase she gets pressured into spending it. I would doubt very very very much that she would be mugged. I understand shes s young girl but tourists are generally the favoured targets. Considering my dcs spend most weekends in Oxford circus and the like and have only ever been mugged near our home in Hackney I think it is so unlikely to happen.

Wouldn't take the camera as its just another thing to lose and she will probably be a bit 'over excited' etc etc and leave it behind. There's a camera on her phone so she will be fine. The areas you are talking about are flooded with tourists and pick pocketing is the main crime as there are so many police, especially now the Olympics are coming up. I'd get it done now as its pre Olympics and not Christmas so not manic.

I'd explain under no circumstances are they to separate, but I'd want to know the plan for what happens if they do. As in wil she head home or will they get out at the next stop, come up to get signal and make contact, there would need to be a plan between her and at least 1 of the friends.

You will worry but she will be fine. Can she not text your dh throughout the day?

Let her go - BUT make them buy tickets for the hoho bus - that way they get to see all they want.

They HAVE to stay together.

They cannot move more than 100m from the hoho bus stop.

There is some sort of plan if things go wrong, you may not be able to have your phone but can another parent? Or even a teacher if her school is closed - I know totally uncool.

Funny. My instinct as a mother of a 12yo is to say "NOOOO, too young!" And then I remember that I grew up in London, and went shopping on Oxford St and wandered round the West End from exactly that age... :) I agree it's a safe area - probably safer now than it was in the late 70s.

Where do you live op?
If you are actually somewhere in London, I would say yes. We live in north London and dd and her friends have been going shopping in the west end since they were 12. It's actually quite difficult to get lost on the tube tbh, there are maps everywhere, so that wouldn't worry me.

London is full of tourists. They pretty much all have cameras, she just needs to be aware of who is around her.

And having been to Westfield never again you'd have more chance of getting lost in there and never getting out IME

I wouldn't have done it when I was 13 many many moons ago and my parents wouldn't have let me.

15, yes; 13, no. I was going into local big towns shopping by then (London outskirts) with my friends; and parents wouldn't have known if we'd gone into London itself.

But it depends on where you live, how mature your DD and her friends are etc. etc.

Yes I would let her, when I was younger (i'm from north london too) we used to go to London for the day on a 'red bus rover' - anyone remember them?! Was perfectly safe, just used to look round the shops, have a mcdonalds, etc etc, this was way before mobile phones, we had a great time!

my main concern would be the dynamic of the group....3 girls and two boys, are there two "couples" and one of the girls will end up playing gooseberry? Or get ditched?

Already excellent advice upthread though. On the whole I'd probably say yes.

I was wandering around Oxford Street at that age (13/14) but my parents didn't know I'd say I was going to a friends house, and I would, but then we'd jump on the tube and hang around record companies and suchlike.

I'd probably let DS1 (14) go, but we go up there a lot anyway so I'd be pretty comfortable with him knowing where to go and what bus to jump on home (not so sure about the tube, but only because we tend to use buses!) Apart from pickpockets I think the West End and similar are probably safer than the bit of London we actually live in

My mate travelled to school in Central London on her own, from NE London and that would have been age 11 I guess.

I think mugging is unlikely but pick pocketing possible. I think if they were in a group and in those kind of locations I'd be OK with it but it is a hard decision. It's quite a nice life lesson; children often rise to the challenge when they are given this kind of responsibility.

Another mate whose parents are farmers were badgering her about staying behind the yellow line when we went in for accounting training... when she was about 25. There has to be a middle way!!

Depends what the usual level of independence is really. My 13yr old certainly goes into Brum on her own and has done since age 11 in order to get places. She is "city aware" even though she's not hugely streetwise ITSEM. Going with mates I'd worry about the mates TBH.... would they stick together like glue or are they a bit on /off?? DD2 mates are not what I'd class as glued together (DD1s were).

If should could do it on her own and wouldn't have a panic if they either left her or wanted to spend all the time snogging in the park then I'd let her go. I'd actually put it to her like that too !