I totally lost it with my teenage daughter

[barbarianoftheuniverse]

I shouted and shouted and shouted. I was worse than her. I am so ashamed. I know all the things you should do. I know her brain is a mess of hormones. I know I shouldn't compare her to other teens I know.
She is 15. She doesn't drink or steal or do drugs or unsafe sex. She is okay at school. I don't know why she has been such a nightmare these last 2 years. I had such a gorgeous daughter once. I couldn't believe my luck. I don't know what happened.
I suppose I could name change but I can't be bothered. Can anyone offer hope?

When I was 15-16 I fought with my dad (usually) about something roughly every day. Screaming, 'I hate you'-s, huffed about doing chores, about going places with them, about not going out with my friends, about having my friends over, pocket money, on and on... I'm sure it drove him barmy and I know I said some horrible things to him (not as horrible as some posted here! If I called my mum the C-word I would have suffered the consequences!).

Luckily I'm now 24 and can fully appreciate how nice, accepting, giving, and easy-going they were. And I can tell them all the things I am now sorry for doing to them - worrying, calling names, always wanting and never giving. It takes quite a lot to apologise for something you did in the heat of the moment 8 years ago, but if your teens never get round to it, you can at least know they say it in their heads! We do all grow up and become human again...

really honestly it does get better honest [grin
] dd1 was horrible at 15 really mean and sullen and nasty and i didnt like her behaviour very much
, I think it is important to remember you love them but dislike the behaviour, ranting isn't going to damage her.

I think its normal when you have teens, It is so hard to walk away and not argue sometimes.
Please don't beat yourself up about it, set boundries stick to them and dont accept the behaviour, it is a struggle you will get to the finish a little bruised and exhausted but a wonderful young adult will emerge.

Stick with it. Deep down you love each other hugely - that hasn't changed and won't. My wife and I have struggled with our DD since she was 13 - she's now 18 and almost every weekend brings another drama.
Don't beat yourself up - you're only human. Keep talking to her, avoid shouting if you can, be ready to forgive her, and forgive yourself when necessary.

My dd will be 14 next week. Over the past fortnight she has made me cry - not just once and I am crying now as I type. Until two weeks ago she had never caused me to shed a tear other than those of happiness. I am so desperately sad. What has happened to that gorgeous girl - I do not recognise this stranger who sneers, snarls and ignores. I must be a very bad Mum and very naive if I thought that this would never happen to us. I feel heartbroken and frightened that I will never regain what we had. :-(
This starnger came out of nowhere.

I have just ordered this book from Amazon as I am so fed up with the arguments with our 13 year old ds.

You are normal.

I have a great relationship with dd but every so often we wind each other up to insanity. I can barely go shopping with her, just the sight of her curling her lip at me as I lift up a top to look at, or hearing Dorothy Fucking Perkins muttered under her breath with venom is enough to send me mad.

We had a door slamming competition once, she slammed the kitchen door (origin of the row long forgotten), and I opened it and said 'I pay the mortgage in this house, so I get to slam the doors, not you' , so opened the door and slammed it 10 times as hard and walked off. Ridiculous.

I recommend cigarettes.

I was taking my daughter for an interview for a Saturday job once. Made the mistake of telling her she could have cleaned her shoes she totally went into one saying she wasn't going I shouted back and said she was. We werehaving a total screaming match, which ended with me literally pushing her through the door for the interview.

She's now nearly twenty and lovely they do get through it.

I feel a lot better having read this thread. All of my friends seem to have perfect daughters - or they are all better mothers as I have been told often recently.

GMOL - at the moment I like the idea of a door slamming competition. I did the whole - 'I work bl**dy hard for you to have music, dance and sailing lessons so the least you can do is to show some respect etc' after another 'you are the worst mother ever' explosion yesterday. Our relationship is 'volcanic'; DH and DS just keep out of the way.

Oh god OP, totally normal. I remember one morning (at half six) losing it with my dds when they were rowing over a pair of tights. My neighbours must love me. As well as that they've heard me shouting 'we are all going and you will all FUCKING enjoy yourselves' when getting my lot to a family party.

Wine and fags help loads.

I am going thru this too with 17dd, hardest thing is feeling that they don't even like you anymore or want to spend time with you but expect so much back!