Getting young teenagers to go to bed at a reasonable time.

[LynetteScavo]

Especially when it's light outside late in the evening. Using black out curtains is no longer effective.
We are evil to make him go to bed before it's pitch black outside. (Apparently)

Last night at 10.30pm my 13yo was sobbing into his pillow, saying he was going to stab us all because we wouldn't let him stay up (we had to send him to bed 3 times - and no he wasn't interested in the football).

Give me strength (and ideas how to avoid this again this evening)!

Switching the Internet off helps us a lot. No more secret facebooking under the quilt.

We turned Wifi off at 9pm.

Blackberry was taken away at 9.30.

DSi was taken away at 10pm

He then got brazen, emerged from under the covers and set up the playstation. All very quietly and in the dark.

I'm going to have to make it a gadget free room after 9pm, aren't I?

I will be called a fucker under him breath and his glasses will be smashed unless I hide them first. (See, I'm getting good at this now).

I am slowly realizing that despite the moans and whinges that he "just wants to be left alone", spending some time with my 13yo before bed (but after any extra bedtime Weetabix, shower, pyjamas and teeth cleaning) settles him down very well. It's a bit like dealing with a toddler all over again, only now he's happy having me sat next to him on his bed while we read our own books. He just wants a bit of attention all to himself. Sometimes it's difficult for me to settle, but it's worth it as him not getting enough sleep can feel like the end of the world in the ensuing days. Grumpy s*d doesn't quite cover it.

I had this with DS1 at that age. Bedtime had always been a source of conflict and confrontation. I am of the strict bedtime school of parenting.
I took a different tack and negotiated a deal with him. On Fridays and Saturdays there would be no bedtime, he could go when he wanted and in return on school nights he would be in bed by 9.15 with no fuss, prevarication or whinging.
Result - he would often stay up until 2 am at the weekend but went without a whisper the rest of the time.

DS2 (14) is different - he likes his bed!

SecretSquirrels, that might be an idea.

I went to be on Sat at 11.30pm (DH had gone at 10pm and told him to get back into bed and go to sleep) only to find him still up. I was very .

I have realised his behavior is very similar to when he was tiny (he would throw his cup of milk across the room if the slightest thing upset him - now it is his glasses, or a book). Once again he will do anything to avoid going to sleep.

My 12 year old is at an interesting stage: I can't get him into bed at a reasonable time - he's often prowling around restlessly complaining he 'can't sleep' til about 11pm - and then of course I can't get him out of bed in the morning! This is very recent - only since the May half term. Teenagers' body clocks genuinely do go a bit crazy ( BBC article here ). And it isn't a problem at all during holidays and weekends. It's school that causes the difficulties... Why on earth don't schools have an 'afternoon shift' for teens?!

I had this problem with my son when he was about 13 and decided to give up. I didn't tell him I was giving up, i just stopped checking up on him. I reckoned that if he went to bed late he'd feel terrible in the morning, and not want to get up. I figured if he didn't get up he would get into trouble for being late/truant. He is an intelligent boy and does well at school - that's not to say he doesn't spend too many hours on PS3 and rush his homework at the last minute - he's normal, but i was convinced he'd do this on his own. And he did. He had a few mornings where he was too tired to get up, but he did - he had to get up and struggle into school (knowing the punishment for lateness/truancy would be HUGE). After a couple of weeks he settled into a routine and now he can be relied upon to get to bed on time most nights, and he is never, ever late in the mornings. If there's a film he really wants to watch he ll stay up late but the following night he ll be knackered and will just turn in early. Sometimes i ll tempt him with a hot chocolate and encourage him to go to bed early, and he always does, but it's rare i need to intervene. It's a battle i chose to ignore, and it paid off.

You can't.

You can suggest a time to go to room and a time after which you must not email your mates, but bed and sleep, no!

I've also 'given up'. Since a young age he has been pretty good at deciding when he's tired. As a 5 yr old, if tired would ask to go to bed at 5pm and sleep through!

On school nights, we have a nominal time of 11pm (10pm for phones, xbox etc off). Sometimes he switches it all back on again - if I disconnect anything he knows how to switch it back on ... He's generally asleep by 11.30 and I have little trouble getting him up at 7 - in fact, now I just call morning to him as I pass his bedroom on the way to the shower and by the time I'm out (max 5 mins) he's downstairs eating breakfast..

I've also 'given up'. Since a young age he has been pretty good at deciding when he's tired. As a 5 yr old, if tired would ask to go to bed at 5pm and sleep through!

On school nights, we have a nominal time of 11pm (10pm for phones, xbox etc off). Sometimes he switches it all back on again - if I disconnect anything he knows how to switch it back on ... He's generally asleep by 11.30 and I have little trouble getting him up at 7 - in fact, now I just call morning to him as I pass his bedroom on the way to the shower and by the time I'm out (max 5 mins) he's downstairs eating breakfast..

I wouldn't be getting cross about him still being up on a weekend thats for sure.

We have never done bed time either and they have learnt to self regulate. The whole not being able to sleep/sleeping in thing is typical teenage. If he's tired he will fall asleep.