my daughter hates me

[kjtom]

I just spent the day out of the house, my daughter is 15yrs, she says she hates me ( even the sound of me eating makes her want to kill me? ) she is going through difficulties with school work and her estranged father. I think I am the only one available to hate but the stress is unbearable at times, it is leading to her being aggressive and she is unable to control herself at times. I am actually scared of her! Please someone tell me this gets better!!!

I really feel for you. I think you have hit the nail on the head, you are the butt of her frustration because you are there and you are closest to her. You need to refuse to engage with her when she is being aggressive and unreasonable, just tell her that you refuse to respond to her when she is being unreasonable, and walk away. Don't bother arguing with her and try not to let her see she's upset you as that will make her feel that she has power over you. Easy things to say, so hard to do, as I know from bitter experience. Look around this site and you will find you aren't alone

do you have any family member that would be willing to take her out and have a chat with her? im dealing with teens myself and i have no one that i know who has teens so i find it difficult to know what to do. i do know that i was like this when i was younger with my mum although i still dont have a great relationship with her but looking back, she was a bad mother, didnt care what we done, didnt buy me clothes but went out drinking with her mates at weekends etc instead. i felt very alone. let her know shes not alone if she needs to talk about something but dont push it and yes, do leave her on her own at times. i used to get so annoyed when my mum said she wanted to talk to me about what was wrong. it made me feel trapped and i just shouted at her. set her boundaries ie chores, curfews etc and leave it at that. she will come around eventually. hugs anyway! :)

kjtom, I have been in this situation too. Like brightspark says, you are not alone. (If you search for threads I started, you will find lots of good ideas and advice from people like maryz)...

I think that more parents (especially single mums) are in this situation than we ever hear about. It's domestic violence, but even more taboo because it's your own child abusing you. :( It's a horrible, horrible, almost unbearable situation to be in. If anyone else had ever treated me the way my son did, I would never have seen them again... But because he was my child, I was forced to stay in an abusive and frightening situation, and find a way of dealing with it.

I decided that I absolutely would not tolerate violence. I told my son that I would call 999 if he was ever violent. I have done it three times in the past year or so. Last time, around Easter, I had him arrested and charged. It was an almost unbearably difficult time - he was furious with me and I could barely stand to have him in the house afterwards - but it drew a very clear line. He hasn't lost his temper since, and things are a lot better :)

And I have told him that if it ever happens again, I will throw him out.

That was my 'bottom line' - you need to find your own - things you absolutely will not tolerate. You should not have to live in fear. I think you deserve a "no violence or I'll call 999" rule too.

Good luck.