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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Violent and angry teenage daughter

1 reply

bytheseamum · 14/06/2012 10:25

My daughter has had several angry violent incidents in the last few months, usually at school where she has ended up in a fight, her version of events is different to the statements made by witnesses. The school feels she is just lying but I feel so confused I want to belive my daughter I don't think she is consiously lying but actually belives her version of events totally. I dont know what to do she is at risk of being permanantely excluded. She was seen by CAMHS after one incident but I think that was only because of her threatening to kill herself, they said she was fine and had no mental illness! She has also attended an anger management course by the local youth service. Most of the time she is a lovely caring well-behaved daughter but I am so worried about the violent outbursts. Any help or advice please. Thank you

OP posts:
PositiveAttitude · 15/06/2012 15:38

Hello bytheseamum ,

Firstly, don't panic. Teenagers are hard work and your daughter's reactions are not too unusual and not your fault.

I have 5 DCs Eldest 21 youngest 15. DD1 was very violent for a time. How old is your DD? DD1 was worst between the age of 14 and 17 and has improved since then and is now lovely for 99% of the time. DD3 was never violent but could have shouted and cussed for England! Again, she was bad between 14 and 16, too.

As for advice, I would say, when DD is going into "attack" mode, the best thing to do is for you to stay calm. Speak in a controlled voice and do not rise to any bait that she throws at you. When she has calmed down after being cross sit down calmly with her and chat through your feelings about it all, but above all listen to her side of what happened and value her reasons. It could be that she sees things differently and not how they really happened, so just calmly talk her through the incident and speak about how it would have been bettered handled by her without "having a go" at her. Nothing will be achieved by a shouting match.

It sounds as if you have really been helping her by seeing CAHMs and having the anger management course. Is there a teacher in the school who she likes and who you could ask to speak through any issues with her? DD1 found this useful and a good help.

Don't worry, IME they grow out of it and the "lovely" person that you see when she is not having a teenage strop will shine through in the end! Smile

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