How do those with DCs at uni survive when they come home for the summer?

[norbettsauntie]

My DD 19 has just finished her first year at uni. She's loved it and will return in September. But she's back home at the weekend until then. She's been home a few times since starting uni, but only for a few days at a time, and it always ends up with her staying in bed until the afternoon, eatting rubbish and moaning about life being sooooooo boring etc.

DD says she's got nothing in common with her friends here anymore and has no interest in doing things with her two younger brothers. I love having her home but I want us all to enjoy the time together. Any ideas?

DD1 went to uni in our own town and had a job here, DD1 is in Kingston ( well just finished), She had jobs in the uni town over the summer breaks and was anle to move into her shared house as soon as she moved out of halls, She only came home anout 3 weks of the summer holidays and she said a lot of her friends are not around any more, ThShe did spend some of the time with her younger sister, But I've found once they start uni it's the beginning of leaving home for good and they spend less time with family.

I find it quite hard too, to be honest.

I adore my DD1 but she is THE untidiest person ever.. comes home and my tidy(ish) home quickly reverts to Stig of the Dump level, plus there is no where to keep all the extra stuff she has acquired over the last two years !(especially as her sister has nicked her wardrobe!)

However she doesn't moan..she is very grateful for a decent shower and having her washing done! Summer holidays she finds a temp job as fast as possible and usually works the summer, apart from coming camping with us.

I would say if she's bored..she needs to sign on with a temp agency..or look online at McDonalds or similar and get a job! My DD1 HAS to work in the summer to supplement her loan, but she also enjoys it. That way you can have the odd family day without her moaning:)

If you have Stig of the dump, we have fungus the bogeyman. That said, DS is doing his washing, and I have left him chores to do. I agree with Medusa that she needs to get a job, it doesn't matter what, anything to give her experience of working. Alternatively, some form of voluntary work would also be an idea. It will make her more employable after uni

No good for this summer, but one year my daughter worked for EuroCamp and was there all summer. It was a vile summer and rained all day, that that spoiled it a bit, but she had a good time. All the staff are young, all have to camp for the whole summer and they have a really good time. A lot go back year after year.

I think you very quickly get used to having your own home - both you without her and her without you. I know I wouldn't want to go and stay in someone else's home for the summer (mind you, free food, no bills, washing done... maybe I would!) If I were you I'd encourage her to do something else with her summer holidays.

surely she needs to work for money? i worked so hard all summer i barely saw my parents (shop work, waitressing etc).

christmas and easter were awful though as visits were too long to be 'visits' but too short to be 'relocation' and i probably did mope about - summers were ok though.

I find it really hard too.

I love him to bits, he fills the house and I miss him so much when he's not here. But I get used to not worrying about him when he's away and when he's home I don't sleep because I'm waiting for him to come in, he moans about his friends - he has outgrown them there's no doubt - he generally doesn't like being back in his home town. And I can't blame him really. I'm hoping he'll be able to get a transfer workwise otherwise he'll be bored to death and it will test my patience.

We live abroad, and DS is taking his new shared house in his uni town from 1st July, so he's staying there and working for the summer. I'm fretting about WHAT work he'll manage to get, but that's just a practicality. As others have said, he's out grown living at home and is a fledgling adult being independent. I know that if he had come home, he wouldn't have been able to find work and we'd have had constant battlesdebates about what to do to fill three whole months!
I feel so proud of him and he's so happy in his new found life. When I think back to the challenges we faced when he was a teenager living at home... I can hardly believe it's the same individual :o

Mine are both watching cartoons

Mine has just got out of bed!

DD1 and DD2 quite like being at home because they get a rest from all the practical aspects of living independently and they like to see each other as well as the rest of us. But they do need some plans or it descends into boredom and moaning.

DD1 has just got home from a year in America so she'll need a bit of time to adjust to being back in a small town. Its lovely to have her home but ask me again how its going in about two weeks time. She will be fed up with us all by then!

DD2 has brought some hideous germs home with her and is sniffing in the corner she is still on pretty good terms with a lot of her school friends and has has plans to meet up with them as well as working and volunteering.

Hopefully we will all still be friends by September

Mine did a mixture of stuff
Some worked for some of the summers,some did their portfolios for whatever,they updated their cvs,volunteering.
the most important thing I would say,is does she have in mind where she would like to end up working?If she does, or at least knows what industry she would like to end up in,do some research on it,and find out what helps to get in.
If she can,then do some paid or unpaid or volunteer work to do with that.Anything that can help you stand out from the crowd is a bonus.Even if the work has only been for 1 week or 2.All helps.

Mine has fust finished finals, and is likely to be home until September. He will go back to his old job at Tesco for holiday cover for 2-3 days a week, see all his old school friends, look after the dog and keep the house tidy and do a bit of dusting and vacuuming for me - very sad as this will be the last summer he will have with us, but he is now far to well versed in politics and philosophy for me to win an argument with him.

Definitely need a project whether that's earning money or learning to drive or getting work experience (or all 3).

It was very annoying when my friends and I came home with obviously a lot more stuff (e.g. bedding, loads of books) and had to make it all fit into a smaller space. Try not to get cross if they go out and leave a book they've been reading on the corner of the sofa or whatever, if you wouldn't have minded before. Sure you're used to having the house spick and span and entirely under your control, but it can make DC feel as if any trace of their presence is now an irritation to you.

And treat them more like an adult - ask them to get the weekly shop and hand them a list and some cash, get them to take grandad to his weekly coffee morning, get them to plan and make some meals - and then enjoy their company as the adults they are becoming. They will probably have changed a lot and will find it hard to settle in. Give them a few days to get back into the rhythms of your house and life, and just sleep. And then expect more of them. Staying in bed until the afternoon every day will get her down in the end. You could even (if you have the cash) give her a month's gym membership or driving lesson token as a "well done in your exams" or whatever and try and get her moving like that.

You need to make it clear to your DD that she is not on holiday when she is at home with her family, bar for the first few days when she is allowed to rest and to catch up on laundry/ironing, baths and beauty treatments .

She needs to either get a paid job, a voluntary job, study for her course or find some other meaningful occupation.

My mother used to get me to do things like taking a car for its MOT and other horrible one-off jobs if ever I weren't working!

I think a lot of people are going to have to get used to this as young people are staying at home well into their 20s now because of housing costs!(Cries)

Me too bonsoir. Clearing out the fridge or cupboards. One memorable holiday painting entire house.

DS1 is now 21 and DS2 nearly 18 - I tell them it is not a parent and child situation anymore, we are adults sharing a house and all have to do our bit. I don't mind them staying in bed late - but I am a bit jealous!

What is annoying is where my mum parents bemoan "you still treat me as a parent" (I presume meaning, look to them for emotional support etc) but reserve the right to treat you as their child i.e. giving you instructions etc

Absolute bloody nightmare. The honeymoon lasted about three days. And to top it all she has announced her MA will cost 9 grand and no, she wont be taking a gap year and working to save the fees, 'because once you leave university and tart working, it's almost impossible to get back, you know'.

I'm planning to buy a horse, sell the house and go round the world. That'll teach her!

inkythumbs. DD2 would love to do an MA but she knows we cannot afford to support her to do this. She has just finished uni and will look into doing an MA whaen she can afford to support herself or she can find a sponsr. She has really appreciated how much we have given her during her uni years, Just tell your DD she has to find the money herself unless you can really aford it.